Daily prompt (5 days late):
George sat on the toilet seat. He was trying to swallow the gulp which was growing bigger in his throat. Shoulders slumped in defeat, sore eyed he tried. Tried to not let his vision get too blurred. Willed himself to swallow the gulp, willed his eyes to take back the tears which were trying to rush out of his eyes.
Willed. And failed.
And the tears poured out, the gulp escaping his throat sounding as a gasp. And with each tear, he broke. Broke down into another anguish. He became defenseless against the hurt he felt. Each sob and tear choked him. He became short of breath, his gasps and sobs have taken so much air out of his lungs. And yet he couldn’t stop crying. He couldn’t even he put his entire efforts into it. An damn inside of him has broke down,which contained all his hurt, all his ignored feelings and now he couldn’t stop them flowing.
He hadn’t cried, refused to cry for two years now. Refused because he was acutely aware if what would happen when he did cry. Two years. Of infernal torment.
But today was different. The entire school cafeteria had laughed. Had laughed when he was mocked. When he was bullied. When they ragged him. Pulled his pants down and made him stand on the table as an exhibit. Today he couldn’t keep it all pent up and stored.
Two years of this! Nobody listened, nobody cared. Nobody dared stand up to those arrogant bullies. He pleaded and begged for help but nobody gave it to him.
He cursed himself, finally understanding whose fault all this was. If only he was a bit stronger, a bit taller. A bit more courageous. He cursed himself for being such an easy prey. Cursed himself for being so weak and pathetic.
He screamed in pain, with his arms he tried pulled his hairs out but even his hairs were too stubborn to be plucked out.
He fell down, there beside the toilet and curled himself into a ball. His arms around his stomach as in pain he slept there.
Slept there, but the tears refused to stop flowing.
This isn’t my story. This is fiction.
I am not writing this to talk about done school bully. I am writing this to the biggest bully.
I am writing this to talk about the biggest bully, Life.
Life knows exactly how to hurt you. It sucker punches you exactly in the place where it hurts. Where you are vulnerable.
And it continues punching you. Again.
Till you don’t have the strength to get up. Till you cry. Till you loathe yourself. Till you have pushed yourself in the arms of despair and self hurt.
And from bottomless embrace of despair, you have no choice but to lash out. Hit any innocent bystander. Inflict the same hurt and pain that is being seared into your soul. And with that you refuse to let your pain die.
Life isn’t like school bully whom you can stand up to once and he will back out. You stand up against life today, it will be back tomorrow with more firepower than you can endure. And it will hurt you.
And against this authority standing up is hardest. Practically impossible if you are in despair. All other school bullies, all heartbreaks and hurt all are by life’s grace.
And when you do get up and say stop! life doesn’t stop hurting. It continues to throw punches. Hurling pain and torment on you. And only then you should find the will to withstand it. Will yourself to face it. Pull yourself away from Despair’s embrace.
As Rocky Balboa puts it:
Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!
I am trying. So are many people I know who refuse to show it on their faces.
Let’s see what others think: