Do you agree with Jane Fonda’s favorite exercise motto, “no pain, no gain?” Is it impossible to attain greatness without considerable hardship?)
I haven’t written in a ten days. Neither fiction nor reality.
I hardly checked other people’s blogs either. I have no clue about what’s happening in their lives either.
I could lie about having a hectic schedule, or about being tired all the time (I am!) But that isn’t the reason.
It’s because I feel numb. Completely and utterly numb. Lifeless and senseless.
I should be tensed, I have my Ielts this Saturday. But I don’t feel tensed.
My college’s placements (Job Interviews) start this week. I should feel anticipation. I don’t.
I should feel anger at my friends for not inviting me for festivals. I don’t. I don’t feel morose either.
I should feel something. I don’t. I’m filled with apathy and it sickens me. I am human. How could I feel nothing!!!
I read news. Ukraine. Gaza. Israel. Russia. Islamic state. Ebola. Rape. Murder. Scams. Scandals. Etc. Etc.
That’s what they are to me now. Not some other human agony. Just some blah, some etc. And it is sickening for me.
I don’t even feel anything when things turn sour at home. I should feel anger, concern. Nothing!
It is like I have exhausted myself. The sudden bereavement of my emotions is like I have lost some intrinsic quality. I feel as if I have been supplanted by a clone.
And without these little tiny prompts that are born within, I couldn’t write. My posts are all driven by them. I stalled thinking I’ll find something to write about. I didn’t.
And that was the last straw. I decided I’ll come back to writing. With the number of people in life with whom I could talk to less than my fingers I needed an outlet. I don’t want to end up as a caustic fellow, full of hostility and lack of concern. Or I don’t want to end up a taciturn either. It took a whole lot of courage and will to reach this place, I’m not going back.
I read other people’s blogs. And that isn’t easy when you have about a hundred or so posts backlog. I did my best to read as many as I could. I either starred them or commented on them. I read and read. With each post my comments became more and more thoughtful. With each comment I retrieved the urge to write again.
I don’t know how much power this post is going to have. I have no idea about how you, as a reader will see me after this post. I just want to get back into writing.
I recently tried getting into the Internship Story Contest by Internshala.com. Don’t know how that will turn out.
I want to write more. I want to participate in more contests, grab as many chances I can to be able to be empathic again.
I’ll take pain. But I want this gain back.
Let’s see what others have written:
i don’t need your rocking chair: daily post
PAIN AND GAIN? NO SUBSTITUTE FOR USING YOUR BRAIN
No gains without pains
Daily Prompt: Pains and Gains – I have plenty of pains, where are the gains?
Pains and Gains: Fly light
A Satisficer I am not: No pain, No Gain indeed
Thanks For Reading