( Truth Serum
You’ve come into possession of one vial of truth serum. Who would you give it to (with the person’s consent, of course) — and what questions would you ask?
Not the best relation to the topic. But if I could frame a question to this post it would probably be like what are you proud of?
I did my best. Really I did. I don’t know how it didn’t go so well.
In retrospect I can’t even count how many times I said this. I repeated this again and again to everyone and everyone who listened.
And I did this every time I failed. I was distraught, the weight of disappointment too heavy for my lank shoulders.
Tonight when I was watching a tv show, a reality show nonetheless, I heard one contestant say she is proud of what she did. Even if she is eliminated she knows she couldn’t have done better.
And she is proud of that fact.
That one line caught my attention. If she fails or she isn’t up to the standard, she is eliminated. No second chance. No retries. Just gone.
But she said she will be proud of what she did regardless the results.
I never said that. I never said that when I screwed up a big exam three years ago. I never say it now when I have so many things to be proud of. I never say I’m proud of that. Even when I got great scores which I just recently did, I was ecstatic but never uttered or felt proud.
Is that even possible?
So I asked friends. Almost all said the same. They were proud of themselves when they did great. But when they didn’t accomplish what they sought, they didn’t feel happiness much less pride.
And they certainly never felt pride when they fell. Unlike the girl on the show.
Maybe the show is fake and not reality, a deceiving telecast just to win audience. Or maybe the girl lived halfway down in Australia maybe. Or some other rationale can be valid here.
It is like someone poured an ice bucket on me. Realization is disheartening and sends a shiver down my spine.
So I ask you, After you failed in something you put your heart and soul into, after you did your best,
Did you say to yourself that you are proud of yourself? Not after days of crying and hurting yourself. Immediately after. When and if the shock is just given and the first thought in your mind is ‘Hey I did my best, I’m proud of that’
If you are anything like me you wouldn’t have. You would have cursed and punished yourself for the failure. I always said to others it is the efforts that matter, not the end product. Now I regard this a bit differently.
Being proud of your investment is what matters.
And this is rather more important to believe in when you fall.
Saying it that matters. Believing it that matters. Because great outcomes are rare. And when you are down, clothes bloodied and downcast sight only pride on your efforts may lift you. And make you try again.
If you do not feel the same then I plead you to consider it. Ponder it for time being. I propound this to you.
Next time when you fall, which honestly I don’t want, I want you to say you are proud of what you tried to do. It couldn’t have been otherwise.
And I vow that what come in near futures, I will always be proud of my efforts. It will not be easy. Appreciating the good amidst the worse situation is never easy. But I’ll try.
I always put in my best. Be it my family or friends, or academic or my extra activities, I’m proud of I chased and achieved, and what I fell short of grabbing. Good and the bad.
Thanks For Reading
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