Have you ever faced a difficult situation when you had to choose between sorting it out yourself, or asking someone else for an easy fix? What did you choose — and would you make the same choice today?))
As I sat preparing for my exams my dog Jimmy decided that was the best time for him not to sleep.
Though he was supine right in the middle of the bed he was someway irritated and looking to chew something, maybe trying to grab air and chew it. This has happened many a times before and like always I gave him my hand so he could chew.
He doesn’t bite, just takes my hand inside his mouth and keeps it there. And after a while he sleeps, mostly with my hand still in his mouth, me feeling as a small dog chew toy. This time I had to scratch his head.
So with one hand tracing the textbook lines, other kept scratching and petting jimmy. Whenever I stopped scratching he would wake up and look with those big brown irises asking me why I stopped.
So this went on for half an hour, me scratching and studying. And when I stopped he was still asleep, dreaming of chicken and bones and everything favourite.
Makes you wonder what he would have said if he could have. Like somewhere along the lines of ‘Hey I have an itch to scratch, on my head. Help’ Or something else entirely.
It is thought inducing how him without saying a word or making a sound could convey what he wants. And how simple is it for him. Life’s big questions for him would be where to sleep now or what’s mummy making.
No words. No complexity.
Words. I always had a problem with them. I could never put them together, make them jell. Make the listener completely comprehend the kernel of what I intend to say.
And then I started blogging.
It is freedom.
I can write anything I want, how I want. Completely independent of who reads it and what they will think. Freedom which you will not attain outside the webpage where conversations cut short your thoughts, and sociality and mannerisms hamper you.
It is honesty.
Honesty that is interpreted as a fake in real life simply because no one can be that honest.
Every single one of the seventy something posts is me. Me, unfiltered and complete. People liked my thoughts and words, praised them. Writing became the sole way for me to express myself. I wrote to say sorry, wrote to say thank you and wrote for everything I could write on.
And I forgot that blogging ends with the website. That as soon as I click publish I have to attenuate myself for this world.
My honesty in real life spurned loose, and transpired to shamelessness. My freedom is now what I take forcefully. In complete disregard to others around me.
I forgot that blogging and real life is never the same. One of them is a page to write some four hundred words, other is more than just words. It is life. I got carried away.
I said things that have repercussions beyond my control. And now I realize that while my blog posts are me, I am more than those one paged posts. While I get followers and likes on blog for my thoughts, in my life thoughts are just a small role to play. My actions speak louder.
So here I am maybe taking an oath. I’ll change. Keep my freedom and honesty to my blog. But somehow finding a correct balance in life. Because I should.
Because I got carried away
Jimmy has it so easy.
Thanks For Reading
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