Let’s back up a few days for now.
The last couple of weeks weren’t easy for me. For one I had to face the doomsday conundrum: Decisions.
Now, it probably is not a big deal for you but it was a big deal for me. I have to decide what to do about my future masters. And the ramifications of that weighs down on me more heavily than anything else. One of my friends pointed me that I am only considering the possibility that I will screw up and not the other side of the coin.
But that is what encumbers me: me messing up something which is almost dreamy.
While I struggled to decide what to do, facing more and more bad news, I really want to quit. Quit this and just stop trying. Knowing fully well that this isn’t going to work out.
In meanwhile I read this post by Bora. He explained perfectly what I couldn’t understand in my life. I realized that as my college life is coming to an end, studies don’t take up too much of the pressure, its what you do with them is.
So I sat down to stitch the button. And while I know next to nothing about stitching I did it. Like I everything else I overdid it. There was so many layers of thread interwoven by the time I’m done on the small poor little button that it couldn’t rotate and the thread was stuck halfway. Like everything else, I did it with a focus and concentration that even three buttons exhausted me(procrastinator!)
But as I did that, I realized I love working. Not a single stray thought ran across my mind. No distractions, just me and the needle and the holes in the button. Though I was clumsy as hell, I kept losing the needle every time I kept it so I could cut the thread, I enjoyed stitching.
With my dad proudly proclaiming that his son has finally grown up (all it took was one button!), I finished the work I have been putting off for a few days. And this small work was what I had needed to get my resolve back.
I still have no clue about what to do next. I still have the same problems but maybe all I need to do now is start working. Stop thinking.
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