High Expectations

Great Expectations


He had to. Everyone is looking at him to give a great oral exam. He is expecting himself to give a great exam.

He is a great speaker. And more so than anything else, he knows that all he needs is portray confidence. He may only know the half answer but he could convince the examiner that he knows the entire on the back of his hand.

His turn comes, like always he is just numb. The nervousness and anxiety of the exam vanished minutes before his turn comes. As he enters there’s no trembling of hands, no rapid thumping of heart. All that comes before and after the exam. But during exam only numbness.

But today, things didn’t go his way. He expected to walk out with a smile on his face but now all he could do was try to understand where he went wrong.

And he knows where. He expected himself to do great.  And he fell short of his expectations.

That’s me. Yesterday’s exam. It didn’t go great. I was overconfident. I took it for granted that my exam will go great.

Expectations. This is a scary topic to write about. Because most of the time I have had really bad experiences.

Let me tell you what I am expecting my day to go like:
Waking up feeling refreshed.
Getting to travel comfortably to college.
Having some congenial company in college(who don’t try to create misunderstandings between my friends). Getting all my studies and other work to get done easily without any hiccups.
Having people accepting me for who I am.

These expectations are just from the top of my head. My day is filled with more of these. And as conditions go, some expectations are weighted more than others.

I have seen my parents face when I couldn’t fulfill their expectations. I have my friends who expect me to know everything (and I am called an arrogant know it all for that), and well I don’t know everything.

And worse are my own expectations. I never do them justice. And this is why I hate expectation.


I don’t their burden. I already put too much burden on myself. And I can’t change myself because I don’t know how to. I don’t want others to expect more from me. That is why I like laying low at times(don’t look at me, don’t expect anything from me).

I suffer because I expect too much from me. I can’t help it. I never could stop myself(any advice appreciated). And I face disappointment at the end. Followed by some curses directed at myself for the said disappointment.

I’ll be lying if I tell you I have only faced disappointment. Sometimes I do get more than I expect(NSS and my first blog‘s response).

And it isn’t just me that I expect too much. I expect too much from friends, my parents, hell I even expect my dog to become an ideal Hachiko someday. Too many disappointments from this side to.

So here I am saying that expectations for me is something I don’t know how to control. They are never joyous, never fulfilled and yet are always there at the back of my mind. I guess this is why I come off as a very competitive bastard.

What is worse. People tell me to stop expecting great things to happen. IF I KNEW HOW TO DO THAT I WOULD HAVE DONE IT DUDE.

I am trying not to expect anything from this post, really trying.

Let’s see what others have written:
Great Expectations
End Of The Boxes

The Road to Hell is Paved, Really?


This week.

Great Expectations: 365 books a year
I Should Probably Lower My Expectations…
The Tooth Fairy Gives Cash Bonuses For Pain & Bad Decisions
The Expectation and Reality of Living Abroad
afterwords: Sex and the Wheelchair
Carolina Dreaming
Beautiful Expectations
Making friends with failure

My one year

Thank you NSS-TSEC

A year and a half ago, I attended my first NSS camp. And I had a blast. Absolute blast.

And at that time I had made up my mind about applying for the committee in the upcoming year/tenure. And I applied for it a year ago. And was selected too.

And this year in college! It is probably the best in my college life so far. I did everything. Well almost everything.

Treks, camp, blood donation drive, street play, etc. I can go on and on. I was there for all of them. I did all of them. I enjoyed all of them.

A year of sweats and hard work, yet also a year of unrestrained joy and fun. And just two days my committee sat down to select our successors.

And while I conducted interviews I understood why I was selected. What did they see in me a year ago.

And this post is to tell you about what I learned in the last year:

1. Anything can happen- 
I mean it when I say anything can happen. And this is not to tell you that only good things can happen. Imagine the worst scenario and guess what it can happen. And seeing our luck, it will happen. So honestly how to plan ahead for something unpredictable? Well you can’t. Simply because if you can predict it so it isn’t unpredictable anymore. And there it comes down to how your instincts. Honestly my instincts weren’t super, but now actually sort of trained. No matter how useless my instincts were at least now they will kick in at times of need.

2. Confidence is the key-
A year ago I did have confidence. Not a lot and I could still fake confidence. And whatever confidence I had was baseless, untested. And my confidence was shattered too many times.  But after all I have done I do have confidence. Not baseless, not untested, Not fragile. Hell I can be sure that it is NSS which gave me enough for me to start blogging. Start being open about myself on the internet.

3. I have anger issues-
Typical case of shattering of confidence. I used to be confident that I could control my anger. Now I know better. My anger which on most occasions is swallowed and stored is a toxin. And when it does get out I hurt people. People that I care about, people that I respect and adore. So here I am trying to find a way to vent out my anger. I try talking to the person who made me angry(which I never did before).  

4. I suck at communication-
Like I just said, I tried talking. And I suck at it. But now I know better than to just raise my hands up in surrender and accept it. I know there is a lot of scope for improvement. I also know what people think about me. When my friends really did get a chance to know me then they liked me. It took its own time, but it did happen. And to those who are still bickering behind my back, either I’ll win you over or I’ll make sure that you never dare do it again.

5.   Me-
I am a little childish and when I tease people I enjoy it. Kind of having a sadistic self who enjoys seeing other’s misery. And yet I am also too mature for my age. I grew up to quick.  And this year showed me to balance that. Here I am sure that over a year I have developed a lot, and also sure that there is lots to be done. And I no longer have any doubts to my abilities. I know what I can do, what I’ll be able to do if I push myself. Like I said my confidence isn’t baseless anymore.

And the entire credit goes to NSS. Without that opportunity I wouldn’t have been able to list out even 1 small point. Without NSS I would have stayed the same self. The same self doubting, shy and scared person.

So thank you!
P.S I still couldn’t put it into proper words about how I benefitted from this one year.

Saturday Birthdays

Daily Prompt
Saturday Night

Saturday. This is on most weekends the best time. Holiday the next day. I become automatically relaxed. Before even the clock shows 11pm I feel sleepy and go to sleep.

And Saturdays is the time when I can sleep for hours because I don’t have to get up early the next day. Saturdays I read novels, watch TV shows I missed out on, movies I want to watch. Saturdays I stay at home as my entire family’s at home.

But this Saturday was a little different. It was my big brother, Navin’s 22nd birthday. And what’s different? This birthday he spent at the hospital.

Earlier this week he was admitted to the hospital on the susceptibility of having a chest infection. Though now almost fine and back to being himself(pain in the ass), he is still being kept under observation till Monday. So birthday in the hospital.

I went to the hospital in the morning with tea and cakes. And when in the evening daddy mommy and me got to the hospital to celebrate his birthday the best way we could under the circumstances, we found he had already had enough restricted food for the day.

He had cakes, will have pizza with his friends and was telling for chicken in dinner. Idiot brother. He could control his hunger for food like that for a few days but no, he had to eat now.

We left him with his friends that night and came home for the second birthday, my dog Jimmy’s.

Now if you don’t have a pet or never had one you will find this bit strange. Trust me I have seen the look on people’s faces when I talk about Jimmy.

Four years ago, after celebrating Navin’s birthday,me and Navin were coming home when we started playing with this random stray dog. We never had a dog and always wanted one. That night we brought the stray home. On impulse, without worrying if our parents will agree or not.

Mommy loved the dog and daddy took his time getting used to the presence of a brown fur ball in the house. But eventually everyone was happy about the dog(there’s a story here too, not gonna get into it now).

And this Saturday was his fourth birthday. He is a bit older than that but we take 19 or 20th April to count his age.

Chicken rice for him too. He just hogged the entire thing down in like minutes. Surprisingly this two feet nothing dog eats more than I do when it is his favourite. And when he looks at your with those puppy eyes as if asking for more chicken there’s no way you can say ‘No’.

And the bastard knows it.

So he it is, Saturday night, two birthdays.





Let’s see what others have written.
Saturday Night
Daily Prompt: Golden Oldie Saturday Night

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y Nights!

The Wonderful World of Disney (or, Saturday Nights When I Was A Kid)

A Queer Saturday Night in Pittsburgh

Saturday Night
Saturday Night: Daily Post

I’ll stand

Daily prompt (5 days late):

George sat on the toilet seat. He was trying to swallow the gulp which was growing bigger in his throat. Shoulders slumped in defeat, sore eyed he tried. Tried to not let his vision get too blurred. Willed himself to swallow the gulp, willed his eyes to take back the tears which were trying to rush out of his eyes.

Willed. And failed.

And the tears poured out, the gulp escaping his throat sounding as a gasp. And with each tear, he broke. Broke down into another anguish. He became defenseless against the hurt he felt. Each sob and tear choked him. He became short of breath, his gasps and sobs have taken so much air out of his lungs. And yet he couldn’t stop crying. He couldn’t even he put his entire efforts into it. An damn inside of him has broke down,which contained all his hurt, all his ignored feelings and now he couldn’t stop them flowing.

He hadn’t cried, refused to cry for two years now. Refused because he was acutely aware if what would happen when he did cry. Two years. Of infernal torment.

But today was different. The entire school cafeteria had laughed. Had laughed when he was mocked. When he was bullied. When they ragged him. Pulled his pants down and made him stand on the table as an exhibit. Today he couldn’t keep it all pent up and stored.

Two years of this! Nobody listened, nobody cared. Nobody dared stand up to those arrogant bullies. He pleaded and begged for help but nobody gave it to him.

He cursed himself, finally understanding whose fault all this was. If only he was a bit stronger, a bit taller. A bit more courageous. He cursed himself for being such an easy prey. Cursed himself for being so weak and pathetic.


He screamed in pain, with his arms he tried pulled his hairs out but even his hairs were too stubborn to be plucked out.

He fell down, there beside the toilet and curled himself into a ball. His arms around his stomach as in pain he slept there.

Slept there, but the tears refused to stop flowing.

This isn’t my story. This is fiction.

I am not writing this to talk about done school bully. I am writing this to the biggest bully.

I am writing this to talk about the biggest bully, Life.

Life knows exactly how to hurt you. It sucker punches you exactly in the place where it hurts. Where you are vulnerable.

And it continues punching you. Again.

And again.

And again.

Till you don’t have the strength to get up. Till you cry. Till you loathe yourself. Till you have pushed yourself in the arms of despair and self hurt.

And from bottomless embrace of despair, you have no choice but to lash out. Hit any innocent bystander. Inflict the same hurt and pain that is being seared into your soul. And with that you refuse to let your pain die.

Life isn’t like school bully whom you can stand up to once and he will back out. You stand up against life today, it will be back tomorrow with more firepower than you can endure. And it will hurt you.

And against this authority standing up is hardest. Practically impossible if you are in despair. All other school bullies, all heartbreaks and hurt all are by life’s grace.

And when you do get up and say stop! life doesn’t stop hurting. It continues to throw punches. Hurling pain and torment on you. And only then you should find the will to withstand it. Will yourself to face it. Pull yourself away from Despair’s embrace.

As Rocky Balboa puts it:
Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!

I am trying. So are many people I know who refuse to show it on their faces.

Let’s see what others think:
Fight the Power
Fighting the man while still dancing with him
Daily Prompt: Fight The Power

Friends with me?

Why can’t we be friends?

The boy entered the house. He was immediately overwhelmed by seeing so many people at one place. People who were twice as tall as he was, easily his father’s age. People who he had never met before. People who’s names he will likely forget in two days.

But that didn’t matter for the time being. Because while coming he saw a couple of children playing in the garden, below the house. And all he wanted to do was join them. So he asked, entreated his father to let him play. And when he got the chance he became exuberant. He played for hours, and stopped only when he had to go back to his home.

It took him about two minutes to befriend the other children. He played with the children on slides, swings and seesaws. He player on the garden’s green grass and he played on the garden’s red mud.

That was me. From when I was eight years old.

Now cut to the current situation.

I talk to people. Small talk mostly. I say things like what’s up? And then they go with their friends. And I stand there.

I forgot what was the thing that made it easy to talk to people. I forgot how I used to make people like me instantly( other than being a eight year old cute kid). And here I stand flustered at my incompetency to make friends.

I have friends. I meet them. Talk with them. And then we go our separate ways. And I hardly talk to them again till the next time we meet. I don’t know whose fault is that.

And to make things easier we have social media. Friends are made at random. Friend request are accepted by seeing how many mutual friends does this person has. And then they are just a name in your friend list.

Friends are made by how many retweets I receive. By how many likes I get for my picture.

By how many people like my blog posts.
At least here there is a possibility of me knowing your thoughts and you reading my thoughts.

Let’s see what other people wrote:

On Homophobia

The humor and indignation taste test: The art of friendship these days

My Threshold

In response to the Weekly Photo Challenge:

Initially I was going to write a fictitious story personifying a house threshold as a human. But then this morning I experienced something that changed my mind.

Today morning after almost a week my entire family was together. My parents, my brother and my dog, who was listening to entire discussion with a big doggie grin on his face as if he understood the every joke being cracked.

Don’t get me wrong, my parents are always there. So is my brother. They are very close, they spend more time with each other. And me, they tell me to spend more time with them.

For the past three years my entire day is spent in college. I leave my house by morning and return by late evening. Some days I reached back home by late nights. Some days I had night outs with friends.

And today when we talked about cricket, elections and every other trifling issue, I had fun. I laughed like a mad man at every joke my brother cracked. I still laughed like an idiot when he didn’t joke. I didn’t care that I had to leave for college. College would wait. This moment is rather too sporadic.

My family isn’t very busy. My father works six days a week and he gets a day off on a weekday. My mother is a teacher and she enjoys teaching. My brother is also working and he has a night shift. All of them are busy. Me, I spend most days in college. Most of them hanging with friends. Sometimes study, sometimes because the schedule is that way.

And the sad part is this, my family knows that this is how things will be. That most of the time, we won’t get time to spend together. Because the days that I get free are those when I rest.

This is my house door. My house threshold. This is where things change for me.


As soon as I cross this threshold I change. I am not the Mayur of my home. I talk differently, I behave differently. I become withdrawn. I become guarded. Because I know that the world that I live in is a tragic place. Being unguarded and open is a weakness and there are wolfs circling. People don’t understand.

And I know that I am an idiot. I should not cross my threshold. There I am myself. I am understood, cared and loved for what I am. And I am a idiot to not be there at home.

But I have to learn the ways of the world. I am not to naive to presume that I know how to survive here in this place. So I made a choice, I am outside my threshold more.

And I am scared of the day when I leave for some distant place, being someplace where is there no threshold to cross back into. There is no safety, no comfort of loved ones. Because I know my choices are leading to that place.

Don’t get me wrong. I have no regrets. This is not a post of regret. This is simply a courteous nod to how things are.

And this probably shouldn’t be part of my blog. This is too open, too artless. But then again what is the point of a blog if I choose not to write what I want to write, share what I want to share.

lets see other people’s posts:
Weekly Photo Challenge: Threshold, Take Two
Weekly Photo Challenge: Threshold
Weekly Photo Challenge: Threshold
“Threshold” Weekly Photo Challenge
Weekly Photo Challenge: Threshold

Daily prompt: Where is The Line?

Daily prompt
I walk the line.
Which line? Which code?
I am no Dexter to have a code to live by.
I make things up as I go.
More of an impulsive code to live by.
Mainly my thinking in influenced by what I think is right or wrong. And I strongly intend to do the right.
I don’t know whether this is stupid or not. I am too young to understand. But I can tell you what I am sure of.
I don’t go back on my word. I don’t think it is the right conduct. If I say I’ll reach by so and so time I shall. If I said I’ll do it then I will.
I read another post; which is remarkably similar to how I think. And the one thing that clicked was how it was mentioned about helping others.
I like helping others. I never say no to people who seek my help. And I try, really try not to show them any arrogance, not to patronize them or make them feel inferior.
Big deal if you don’t know everything, here I’ll help you.
Unfortunately it is never seen as that way. My assistance was viewed as showing off. So I started becoming choosy in helping others.
I can lie and say that I say ‘No’ to those who I don’t want to help. But I don’t. I just don’t help them completely. I don’t like wasting my efforts to assist those who bad mouth me after help is received.


Because I know how hard it is to not know anything. To not receive any help. To do everything on my own. To try and fail, again and again.
I still do.
After such an experience the best I can do is make sure that people around me, ones that I really care about, don’t have to face a similar situation.
I still have a lot to learn about the ways of this world. About which people should be helped and which people to forsake. About whom to care about and whom to dismiss.
But I hope that day never comes when I am changed completely. When I only think of myself, using ‘everyone does the same’ as a justification.
This is the code that I live by. Not many understand it. Not sure I understand it completely. Only know that this is how I should be.

Daily prompt response: Tired of this Shit

I read a post Blaming and Punishing The Victim recently. And I got really angry.
My day wasn’t all that great. And on top of it, to read something like this.
We are very sure, very confident. In fact over confident. Confident in news like this is only part of others lives. We understand what plight they must be going through. But we don’t know the plight, the misery.
Open a newspaper, what will you definitely see amongst the articles of lifestyle and celebrities is a horror. An anathema.
A 5 year old girl raped.
Wife molested, abused and killed by husband.
Special Needs child refused admission in school because he can’t afford it.
Terrorist Blast in some area, killing some twenty people and injuring hundreds.
College student ragged.
And if you do read the papers you will know this to be true.
I stopped reading the papers because of this. I mean why should I? Things are not going to get better, might as well avert my eyes. But the sad thing is this, you can’t turn away from this. Every where you look the sight will be the same.
Your blood does not boil? You don’t feel any remorse after this?
I am angry. I am tired of looking the other way.


That is why I am writing this post. And I’ll do all I can so that as many people read this.
Crimes on woman.
Dude she is not a rape victim. Neither is the girl who has an explicit video on the internet. Neither is she a girl who was abused as a child. She is not any of the things which may have befallen on her in the past.
Learn to respect the girl for what she is today. Not define the girl, or categorize woman because of her past. Don’t categorize her on the basis of her profession either. Even if she is a prostitute or a stripper or a pornstar or a five year old girl.
YOU have to look at each of them in the same way. Respect each of them the same way. Each of them has the same rights. Give it to them.
Unless and until your temperament changes regarding woman, nothing will change. It is, according to me, the first milestone. Reach it and then enforcing the laws will be easier. Reach it and maybe woman will become safer.
The same goes for the rest of the things. Just because a boy likes to carry a pony shaped school bag doesn’t give anybody any right to bully him. He has the every right to do so. Belittling others is your confidence. That the same can’t befall on you.
A person may be straight or gay. YOU don’t have any right to judge that. YOU are not being judged by the said person. Grow up.
Why did I say that we are overconfident?
Because we don’t change unless and until we are stuck headfirst onto a wall. We don’t realize that today’s news can very well be their tomorrow.
How can they think that it won’t be their daughter/sister who is molested? Or it crosses their minds but they disregard the thought. How can they be feel safe in their homes, when they can be the next victims of a robbery gone awry. When their child can be next victim of ragging.
And this is what concerns me.
We are overconfident.
Our lives is based on friends, love, money and certainty. But certainty is broken then we are facing a crisis. A crisis which we have heard of, read about, talked about and then as quickly forgot about. Our confident is not baseless, but rather it is very frail. Once the dominoes fall, there is hardly any stopping it. Your family will stand with you. Some of your friends will stand. But essentially you will be alone.
You know this. So wake up. Grow up.
Don’t categorize people. Rather be humane. Show them compassion.
I may have been completely incoherent in my rage. So I’ll sum my thoughts up.
Don’t treat anybody differently. Irrelevant is their past or their profession. Understand this. Make others understand this. If I could even reach through one person via this post then you have the responsibility to make sure that someone else is also made understood. Spread the word. Don’t judge a person by what he wears, or by what he carries.
Be a better person, do your part and maybe somebody will else will follow your example.
(I used your advice to write this message)

Worst Thing to do: Filter your Playlist

I read a couple of post out of which this is in response to two posts:
Songs that saved my life pt 1 and Why We Weed: Book Deselection in Academic Libraries


I do not have a background story as to why I like some songs. Nor do I have a any experience as to how a library functions.
But what I do have is a song library in my phone, which about an hour ago was of 631 songs.
Music for me is important and essential. I travel everyday for at least 3-4 hours. Without music in that time the journey would be boring.
Don’t get me wrong, I like greats like John Lennon and Bob Dylan, but those songs are to be listened with care so that every word is understood. Not to be played in the background while I travel and occasionally fall asleep while travelling.
My phone’s music library is always being updated. If I like a new song then I had to save the song in my phone. The source may differ. Sometimes it is after I see its video on TV, sometimes it is after listening to the song on BBC’s Radio one. Or simply because it won a Grammy or is very popular on Twitter.
In a similar manner I started listening to Armin Van Buuren. I immediately loved his album, hardly have listened to trance before. So in a month or so I had about six of his weekly State of Trance radio podcasts.


And after that I stop updating my playlist. Now the problem is this:
I had so many trance tracks that I could hardly distinguish one from another. I remember some of them, but not all. Especially since every song had the same album art. Impossible at the end.
So now came the hard part: I had to remove songs from my playlist to create space for new songs.
Because my playlist had lost its diversity. Every third song was trance. Trance after trance made my playlist monotonous.
I enjoy trance. Every beat is fun and this genre is especially best while doing math.
Playlist can continue in the background.
Here comes the relation to the above mentioned posts. I had to deselect some songs, so I could enjoy my playlist again. And I am sure that I liked each song.
Immediately I knew that a couple of songs like Stairway to Heaven, Comfortably Numb or the classics are not going to be deleted. Any playlist is not complete without them. Also when I started checking my playlist I realized that at a time or two I had enjoyed each of these songs.
I every time sing Bryan Adams, every time dance to Tiesto. Rob Thomas, Tracy Chapman, the Killers, Daft Punk, Pearl Jam, Kings of Leon, Coldplay and so on are definitely not going to be removed. Every one of the above artists I listen to is amazing. I remember the lyrics, hum the tune or sing the song.
The Killers I loved because every song seemed same yet so different. Read my Mind, When You Were Young and Here with Me being my favourites.
Bryan Adams with his acoustic Heaven is probably my favourite song in that genre.
Kings of Leon with Sex on Fire, Use somebody and Wait for Me.
And I won’t forget, Pearl Jam. My favourite rock band. Betterman, Black, Rearviewmirror, State of Love and trust my favourites.
I could not stop with songs on my phone. James Morrison, Taylor Swift, Jason Mraz. I am sure you get the point.
That only left my latest obsession of AVB to be deleted. It was simple, delete those songs which I don’t remember.
I started and when I was done I had deleted about 100 songs. 100!
Now I have songs from each genre, and I am not sure whether I did the right thing by deleting 100 trance tracks. But what I do know is this: I abhor deleting songs. No matter how much space I have in my phone or PC, it is simply never enough.
Same thing goes with deleting movies and I am not a huge cloud user or follower to save stuff on the cloud. It is either keep or delete for me.
What I would like at the end, if possible, is any suggestions on any good songs.
Any song: I listen to all genres. Rock, pop, rap, dance, anything.

Those 17 minutes (My first Street Play experience)

The day started normally. No nervousness nor any anxiety. But the day wasn’t normal. Today me, along with 15 of my teammates were going to perform in our college.
The day, Friday, date 21st March. At 3pm we were going perform. Perform our Street Play.
For the last one month, almost every day after college we all ended up practicing. Practiced hard. For me this year’s street play was special. Last year I was shy, conscious of acting in public. I didn’t even try last year. This year I wanted to, I had to. So I took part.
Everyday we practiced, more than one person always ended up being slightly disappointed because they didn’t get the dialogue or the part.
Along the way, some people left saying they couldn’t adjust. Or saying they don’t want to do the play anymore.
There was resentment and someone always questioned other’s commitment. After so much slogging we finally reached the D-Day.
And guess what, I expected myself to panic, to be restless. But I was completely chilled out. We met in college and practiced our skit again and again till we ran out of time. I am sure that if we had more time we would have practiced some more. But we didn’t, so we got ready for our fifteen minutes.
We were given the 4th place to perform, and in total there was 6 teams performing. We were going to perform in open area in our college.
Half an hour left for our performance, and I won’t lie. I was scared. My hands were shivering. I shoved my hands in my pocket and pretended I wasn’t scared. And went to see how the other teams were faring.
The first team did okay. I hardly paid them any attention because I could not hear most of their dialogues. But the second team.
They were amazing. During their 15 minutes of play I couldn’t stop cheering for them. Every punchline they delivered was hilarious, every formation they made was amazing. And after seeing that I knew our chances of getting the first was tenuous.
But we had to perform, we had put so much into it that now it was either do or die.
Some other team performed at 3rd and we were next. As stood near our entry, all of us were thirsty. Me I wanted to pee again even though I had peed just a minute ago. I was scared. All 15 of my teammates were scared. All of us drank water again and again.
And then it was announced “Team 4 start.”
Life is not like movies. In movies the climax goes in slow motion, there are audible heartbeats and so many other dramatic moments.
But in reality, things were fast. So fast that I barely had any time to register my own heartbeats. They said start and we started.
How to describe those 17 minutes I don’t know. I may not do them justice.
Everything happened like clockwork. One dialogue after another. One formation after another. And then at one punchline, we got our first applause.
Hah, that was a relief. Because that was what we were hoping for, that was what we were looking for, why I did street play.
And then we got our second applause, third. I lost count after that. I do remember my particular formation and audience’s reaction. I could say that was one of the best moments for me.
We went ahead, performed, made people laugh. Then came another best moment for me. At one chorus we received such applause that we had to do the following chorus again.
I don’t know how to say this but each time I saw people having fun, people applauding us I grew happier. Everything was meant for this. We strived for this, and we received it today.
Alas. We didn’t win. Our skit was supposed to be of 15 minutes. But I am guessing the applause and the cheers made it to 17 minutes.
I am not even a bit disappointed because we couldn’t win. I am, in fact, satisfied. We did it. My goal I achieved.
After our performance, we celebrated. I saw one teammate cry out of pure joy, many others tried to voice their thanks. We quickly booed  them into silence and continued celebrating.
When we were leaving, many stopped me and said great performance. Many said hard luck. I liked the former obviously.
Some of my team mates are not happy. They wanted the victory. 
When anybody used to ask me why my society (NSS-TSEC) does street play every year even though we never win in our college. My answer to them always seemed hollow to my ears.
Now I know the answer.
It is those claps, that laughter, that joy. It is because we send a message. It is because of these things we do what we do. And will continue doing so. It is this that makes it all worth it.
As one of my teammates said, “We won hearts, what else do we need.”
This is probably gonna be the first time I won’t be able to sleep because every time I close my eyes I am relieving those 17 minutes.
I may not have done justice in describing those 17 minutes.
All my teammates:
Jayesh, Harsh, Pritam, Aishwarya, Kunj, Asiya, Pooja, Ravina, Dyandeo, Akshay, Desphande, Takrani, Sangeeta, Sagar, Pallavi.


Here’s a video link:
http:// http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WLba9AIOUlU
I Thank you guys.

Make them Linger

(In response to Daily Prompt)
Tell us about times in which you linger — when you don’t want an event, or a day to end. What is it you love about these times?
My usual response would be I want happiness to linger. After all, my first blog was on the same topic.
But that is too broad.
Just a few days ago, while heading to college I met a big Husky. I played with it, scratched him behind his ears while the dog jumped and tried to lick my face.


And later it went about to his daily morning routine. Abruptly. And I just stood there.
I’m not saying that he shouldn’t have. I can pet any other dog, I have my own dog for that matter. But when you are having a really bad morning, you are tensed about your day and at that time the Husky or any other dog can make you forget about it. I forgot all about my bad morning. That day I entered college smiling a big grin.
I want those moments to linger.
Me and my friends met. In our lunch break we ate our lunch, cracked some jokes and went about to our own business. Some of my friends I met after a year, and though the conversation was a little too formal, I want those meetings to happen.
I want those moments to linger.
I read a post a day ago. While the entire post was heart breaking, the particular part where the author describes his father’s plight(My prayers for him) had an impact. And suddenly my problems seem too small.
I feel humbled, inspired even, there was a sudden determination in me to tackle my own problems knowing that someone, somewhere is facing worse. That gives me a much needed push.
Another post, he wrote about at the end that he looked at the stars and realized how trifling his matters are(I think I am interpreting it correctly).
I felt the same at my Camp whenever I looked up at the night sky.
I even wrote a poem about it.
“Oh stars in night sky,
They look above like firefly.
These tiny dots,really are as big as they can be;
But they let the moon give light see.
And as hard as counting stars is,
More is to get the creation of His.
And the sad part now, I can’t see them up above.
And if I have to travel for hours I will,
Coz the night is full of tiny lights;
And we forget how bright the little lights shine!”
I want those moments to linger.
( I am not saying that somebody should be faced with a fatal problem)
What am I saying?
It is this. Sometimes life seems too difficult, too boring and full of despair. But I know there is going to be something at the end to make me happy, something for me to push forward. When I met that moment, whether a dog, a person or another person story(Nick Vujicic) I get inspired.


I get humbled.
I get hope.
I get joy(Depending upon the moment)
I want those moments to last. To linger.
(P.S if I have offended anybody then I’m sorry.)

Experience with the Tiny

Now about a day ago I read a post:
Dear society: kids cry, deal with it. Dear parents: kids cry, stop bringing them to grown-up movies.
The best thing was post was easy to relate to. I have had my share of experiences when some random baby in a train started crying or people trying to calm down a crying boy in a wedding.
Here are some, though unrelated, experiences.
I had really great experiences. In a hospital once a newborn slept sucking my thumb. And I didn’t want him to stop. I was ready to wait there with him till he let my hand go.
Bad experience. Once in a wedding an over excited boy kept hitting my thighs and knees. And his parents stood there chatting. I had to smile and pretend I wasn’t a bit irate at the Boy’s behavior.
This is now the main thing I want to talk about.
Now I would like to add something else too. This one is recent and this isn’t about a small toddler but a girl of at least 7-8 years old. While coming home from college the other day, I saw the same girl crying on the train station.
She being tiny was almost lost in the crowd. Only her cries of “Mummy Mummy” were audible because at that time the song I was listening to had ended. Otherwise I wouldn’t have noticed her either.
She was properly dressed, so I understood she wasn’t some street beggar who had just received some beatings from her mother. She actually looked lost and scared.
I stopped my music player and approached her. I put my hand on her shoulder and asked what happened. She cringed away from me.
Suddenly I became aware that here I am standing with a small crying girl in a crowd of at least a hundred. If any of them thought that I was trying to kidnap the girl and raised his voice I was going to be beaten to a pulp then and there. And more importantly the girl would still be crying because she was still separated from her mother. Delicate situation.
I asked her again where is her mother. She finally said something articulate like ‘Mummy nai h'(Mummy isn’t here). Obviously. And I became sure that I had a lost girl in my hands. Now I know what am I supposed to do about this situation. Take the girl to the police. Let them handle the girl, and the girl would be safer with them than with me.
What I didn’t know that I would become scared. Scared for the safety of the girl. Scared by the looks the fellow commuters were giving me. Scared by what the police will ask me. Scared.
I tried to focus on the task on hand and tried to calm the girl down. I asked her again where is her mummy. Same answer.
Change of question then. I asked her where did she come from? That she understood instantly and pointed ahead. Oh.
The indicated direction was full with people. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was more than a single lost child here.
I looked around for police but they weren’t anywhere to be found. I know there are policemen just a few minutes distance in the opposite direction. I looked around once more, and before I could I turn the girl around and take her towards the police authorities she cried aloud and ran.
And ran directly into the arms of her mother.
Phew. The girl quickly grabbed her mother’s sari and cried even more loudly. Her hug to her mother, I could tell was the one she would hesitate to let go.
And then I looked at the mother. She had tears in her eyes. Well,things got weird after this.
She was looking at me with resentment. I could tell that much. She must have assumed that I was trying to grab the girl. I opened my mouth to remind her that it was her who had lost her daughter. I almost did. But I stopped myself.
The girl was back with her mother, her mother was not alleging me of anything. So no harm done.
I left the scene without a word, and a thought crosses my mind. How come I was the only one who stopped to ask the lost girl where is her mother?
There were Hundreds of commuters, at least some must have seen the girl. Yes I’m ashamed because I felt scared when it came down to helping  the girl.
I’m downright disappointed that I was the only one who stopped to at least ask the girl.
Why share this?
Because I think kids are a pain when they start irritating you. They are the most fun when they drag you along to play with them. But they only do that when they are feeling safe.
The girl on the station will probably be scared to let go of her mother till she grows up.
I am not saying it was the mother’s fault. I am not saying she was wrong in assuming I was trying to kidnap her daughter. I am just sharing.
I can’t presume I know of the solution. I don’t know. But given the choice I wouldn’t want another lost girl in another crowd. Tiny tots belong to the safety of their mother’s arms.
I hope they stay there.

Days Past

I just read a post of outmannedmommy  titled Simple Pleasures.
And while the 2 year old is so cute in those pictures I would like to talk about something else.
While reading the blog I started recalling my childhood. And my reminiscences of my childhood surprised me too. I remember so much of those days.


I remembered my first Picnic game which I always played with anybody and everybody in my house, guest or family. The fake currency I once even tried to use to buy biscuits.
There was chess which I never got better at. But I still played and always cheated to defeat my big brother. And at those days when there was no Tom and Jerry airing on the TV, I would pick up a deck of cards and try to make a house of cards. The toy yellow car which had opening doors!
And how could I forget the all time favourite G.I.Joe action figures. I was such a fan of those figures that I always insisted on buying a new one. Even when these figures broke and became limbless I still kept them.
I also recalled the basic electronix kit I had got on my birthday but nothing in it worked. But I had fun just trying to connect all the bulbs, motors and battery.
I could go on and probably list out all the toys I had when I was small. Also this may have little or no relation with the above mentioned post. But after reading that post I had a big smile on my face. Partly because the post was great in its own way but also I could relate to it.
And just thinking about my childhood brought back so many memories that in a second or two my present was gone and I was in the past.
So after reaching home I looked through the cupboard and guess what?! I still have the G.I.Joe action figures, the fake currencies and chess board though it is broken in two pieces now.
Just having all those toys in my hand and I was transported back into my childhood. All the memories, I don’t know from which bank, came rushing back. I could feel the joy of winning the chess game, mimicking voices while playing with action figure, and it goes on and on.
I never gave those toys away. I never knew why. I think I know why. They are memories. Memories too innocent.
What I wouldn’t give to go back to my childhood again. When I could eat what I want, when I studied because I enjoyed it, back when everything was so simple comparatively. Back when I innocent of the ways of the world. Back when pleasures were simple.
Not saying I know everything today, I’m still naive. Not saying that I don’t like growing up either or I abhor responsibilities that come along with it. I just miss the simplicity of those days.
Now I’m stuck on my phone. Everybody is stuck on their phones. There are games here too but it can’t replicate the excitement and amazement of the past.
And after I kept my toys back in the cupboard I knew I’m never gonna give them away. They may break in time and I’ll have to throw them away but somewhere still I will recall the joy of those fifteen years past days.
Thank you for that post.

How we should and how we do?

I wrote my first blog last week. And I told my friends about it. They read it and generally gave great replies. And after that the first thing on my mind is what to write for my next blog?
Usually when I write I write down the general idea and then build a chassis of what I want to write. I did the same last week.
I had a couple of ideas, but every single one of them lacked something. Till this evening I didn’t know what. Then it hit me.
I had become suddenly very conscious of how my friends will react when they read my blog. And the idea didn’t lack anything.
And then abruptly I knew what I wanted to blog about. It hit me. Last week I wrote quickly, without thinking too much about it or trying to decide whether it is good or bad. I wrote and completed it in fifteen minutes and posted it. And now I realize the difference.
Now I am thinking so much about what to write that I pretty much forgot why am I writing in the first place. It is not for getting followers, or not for getting people to viewers or comments.
It is about me enjoying the simple act of writing. I enjoy it. Give me a pen, paper, an intriguing idea and I’ll start ignoring everybody.
Now I think about it I realize that maybe that is what is mostly wrong with people around me.
If there is an exam, everybody is worried about the grades before even writing the paper. Many times worried more about a paper which they gave a few days ago.
If there is a task then the worry is about the outcome rather than the task itself.
And that is where I believe I used to be. I worried too much about what can happen(like what will my friends say about a story I wrote in my book) rather than enjoying the present.
That is why wrote a blog. I will rather enjoy the process rather than the outcome. The outcome is mostly always hardly satisfactory. Though the desired outcome makes you ecstatic, it hardly lasts. But when you enjoy the work it lasts.
So basically what I mean is: stop worrying about the results. They come and they go. There is always something else, there will always be another opportunity. And it is all temporal.
But if the dints are enjoyed then you learn something more. Value your work and efforts. After all that’s all you have in your hand. Only if you learn to enjoy the work only then you will learn something new. Only then you will feel content with what you have achieved.
Like last week another quote from Kung Fu Panda ” Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.”

First Blog/Ephemeral Feelings

My first blog.

Mind any who is reading i have never wrote any thing like a blog before.
I just read a blog by a blogger Ephemeral Optimism before I wrote mine. Though his blog was very interesting about opinions, I couldn’t help but relate to his username.

A few days ago I was just ecstatic. I was practically dancing anywhere, hugging random people. All because I scored great grades in my exams(yes I am a nerd).

Now I am back to being normal. And mind you I am not saying normal is bad, but by comparison it is really sad. So much hard work, so much time and sweat and I become elated for a few hours only?

That is the thing which intrigues me. And I could probably imagine things further down the line in my life. Why are good or great things so ephemeral?

And being normal is part of everyday( hence it is normal, dumb me). That is my complain exactly. Why if mundane things can last then happiness can’t last? Shouldn’t it be equally balanced.
And now that made me imagine a world which is equally balanced. And think with me on this one.

Think of world war for example. If things are supposed to be balanced then after years of anguish and death shouldn’t there be equal years if not more of happiness and joy? Peace? But what happened?

Cold war? Afghanistan conflicts? Iran and Iraq conflicts? Look up in the news there is still no peace. Not even a year of peace.

That is too big for an example. Since I am an Indian let’s take an example of cricket team. After we won the cricket world cup did we celebrate for twenty something years? As it took us the same years to win the cup again. No we went and now we are struggling to even hold the top ranking.

Back to the main topic. Why are good things like pure happiness so short lived? So many people end up losing hopes and go into despair because there is hardly anything good happening in their lives.

After thinking so much(my friends say I should really stop thinking so much) I understood finally. And the answer is so simple that I want to smack myself in my head for it. Why are things so ephemeral? Because otherwise they are worthless.

They are normal.

And from there I understood. We humans are stupid creatures we don’t appreciate the things that are there in abundance. I mean how many times does a normal person wake up and appreciate the beauty of sunrise? Beauty of a butterfly on a flower? Not a picture found on the internet as HD or something. See the beauty with your own eyes?

No we don’t. It can be seen any other day. We take it for granted. Now if someone tells that tomorrow sun will rise blue colored then we will find spectators who will gawk at the natural beauty of the sun.

That is the thing. The only way we take things seriously and we actually experience it is when we don’t get it in abundance.

So happiness won’t be the same if I could experience it any day.
Drug addicts won’t need to be addicted if they just get high once after along time or so(I thought about that as well).

So to end it I’ll say, if on a dark day you are losing hope then remember. The night is darkest just before the dawn. But the dawn is coming(Yes I quoted the Dark Knight). Wait for it. The morning though ephemeral will prepare you for another dark night to come.