GIMP Edited

I figured out time at the end of 2016


Or at least I think so. One of the good things in 2016.

I reached the realization a while ago but only recently while reading one of the Discover posts, I was able to put my thoughts into words. As soon as I hit ‘Post Comment’ I knew I had an explanation to my obsession to time (close second to death).

I measure time by the clarity of the memories I make.

If I am able to recall a memory then it has happened recently. I am sure I am not the only one. It might be the reason when reminiscing everyone say ‘It seems like yesterday’.

There are no memories created yesterday, only ones that exist are from far back in time.


 

Currently, after graduation I am a job seeker (not jobless: I have to remind myself that). I have surplus time in my hands, full 24 hours to be exact. I am surprised by my inability to sleep more than 8 hours these days. Ironically, I am certain that when I have work I will sleep more than my quota.

GIMP Edited

The two versions of the photos

The abundant time I have I try to spend it wisely: by learning new skills. I finally learned how to use GIMP (an Open Source Photoshop alternative). It is pretty good. I click photos from my mobile and sometimes I am surprised with the quality of images my phone produces. Another thing I am learning (or revising) is programming.

If I may explain time in programming terms then:

  1. You have a great day. Your brain auto-saves that memory inside a database (one of the grooves of your cerebrum)
  2. When you have a normal day, your brain deletes the memories to the recycle bin. You can restore some fragments of the day but not everything. It is similar to the cache your browser saves.
  3. When you sit and reminiscence, you recall the auto-saved memory and not the memories in the recycle bin.
  4. Most of the days go to the recycle bin; they are fraught with meaningless junk which holds no emotional value.
  5. When recalling memories, the cerebrum references the current mood with memories and recall the first ones matched.

The same thing happens with programming and database. The program I was wrote returned only the first matched data unless specifically told to return everything. I don’t know how to tell my brain to return all matched memories, it returns those ones which are matched first.


 

I heard a couple of people speaking about their year in review (not Facebook year in review). I am sure that most people will start writing their posts like me about their year. I don’t want to go back on my year, it had its ups and downs. I do recall two distinct things precisely.

Firstly, I can recall the feeling while writing my last year’s New Year’s post. I just knew that my 2016 was going to be harder. It was (or so my database tells me). I can’t compare it with any other year because when in my 23 years of life have I lived in a new country without the ones I can physically rely on.

Secondly, I can recall my 31st night. I had lied (sort of) to my boss and sneaked to a camp. I was amongst friends that night when the clock hit 00:00. I can’t recall the 31st the year before that or any other 31st before that except the ones when I was very small.

My mom would make a special kind of rice which had three or four colors: red from beetroot, yellow from turmeric & white. I don’t remember any more colors. I remember lots of chips and some bottles of soft drinks and my dad watching one of the thousand New Year specials. I don’t know what my brother did but I am sure he was there somewhere.

The memory is hazy. It was a long time ago.

My last year’s 31st is not hazy, like it was yesterday.


 

I don’t know what the new year will hold for me. I am afraid of saying it will get harder as I (stupidly) think that’s what happened with my 2016. I am aware I was privileged with what happened in my year, the global year can be called horrendous. No one wants to live this year again and we are all eager to brush off the year under the year as if it never happened. (There are so many meme’s of the sort).

What will 2017 hold for me? For us?

I can’t speak for others. I don’t want to say I want to make a memories, my wants have nothing to do with what gets saved in my database. Basically, I don’t know what I want from 2017.

I will just see what life throws at me and I will keep putting one foot in front of another. Somewhere I will create some moments which will forever seem like yesterday.

PS: Happy New Year Folks!

(Inspiration for the post: On Not Writing Christmas cards, In Praise of Nowstalgia: The Sadness in Happiness,  Slowing Down the Perception of Time )

 

Weekend Coffee Share: Graduation Week


If we are having coffee, I will talk all about my week. It was full, filled with different people of different background and different perspectives. It also was the week when I graduated with a Masters of Engineering.

The past weekend has been one of the best weekends so far. It was filled with great weather, a great conversation and two free music festivals. I was headbanging in one and dancing in another. Firstly, it is my first Christmas in a Christian country and the city is festive. Every house is adorned with lights and Xmas trees & I just love looking at the bright houses after dark. According to my friends I have to visit Richman street in the city (aptly named as it is an affluent area).


(Sorry for the shaky cam)I attended the annual Auckland Christmas in the Park. It was was cold & raining lightly but I was surprised to find a lot of people attending. The numbers increased as evening turned dark. The event had a host of native artists performing famous international tunes and a few Maori songs. I kind of love the native songs and I am slowly exploring the country’s artists. One of my favorite songs after I started discovering Kiwi artists has to be ‘This Life’ by Fly My Pretties. The song is in English but there is definitely a Kiwi vibe in the song.

The event was closed by a great fireworks display. Then I went on to checkout the fair in the park, which was closing down at the time but was still lit up. I think the lighting made for a great photoshoot.

 

 

Next day, I went to the North Shore specifically for a alternative rock music festival called ‘Devonstock’. The festival featured around 5 bands with varied genres and at least 2 of which were still in college. I was shocked at the music they were able to produce even if I found their stretched out guitar solos a bit annoying. Because of the event I got to know about some more up and coming NZ artists and found a new favorite song.

 


I graduated from University this week. Finally, after almost 10 months of struggles and hardwork, I did it. I have to thank a friend for convincing me to go. I loved the event fully and the next day, I got an award to recognize my work over the year. I am awaiting photos for the event but this is the award:

 

Graduation

 

 


Yesterday, I went with some new friends to Piha Beach. Two big things: the beach is black in color. The seawaves foam when crashing at the beach. The wet sand ripples when stepping on it, it is like walking on a stretched piece of cloth, with the area around the feet changing its texture because of the weight. It was my first road trip after a long time.


I heard one of the best jokes yesterday. I know a guy who works at Green Peace NZ. His team made a mocking video of NZ Prime Minister Bill English and at a party, my friends’ boss got a little drunk. He felt bad about the mocking video.

So he decided to text the Prime Minister to apologize for the video.

THE PRIME MINISTER TEXTS BACK!

“Its all good mate, all in good fun!”

I couldn’t stop laughing at that for minutes.


I finally went for a bike party. I have been increasingly involved with different biking groups in the city and yesterday was another one. It was disappointing. We met at a park, used a public BBQ for dinner and roam around. It was good but I couldn’t just stay at one place. They went about very slowly, talking and chilling while I couldn’t wait to just go somewhere.

Nonetheless, it is one thing I can tick off.


If everything I did was not enough, today there was a pre wedding celebration. I had two choices, sit awkwardly or dance awkwardly. I chose dancing awkwardly and it was a great decision.

I am just thinking of my week to come, I don’t know what will I do now.

I wish I had a dragon


To Anyone who says Disney movies are for kids,

You are wrong. They are not solely for kids. I have always enjoyed them, although I am one of the adults who love to watch great visuals on a screen. Disney or any animated movie for the matter have more than great visuals going for them, prominently great stories.

They touch on topics which are beyond the scope of comprehension of most kids. Recent movies touched on issues of racism and stereotype. Kids may not have heard of these terms. But we have, and maybe we need to reminded of the things we knew of when we were kids.

Kids don’t need movies which inspire them, we adults need inspiration and motivations. After all, it is pretty difficult to wake up and motivate yourself to get up from bed.  Getting up from bed is a relatively small problem in the grand scheme of things and there are more than one problems awaiting everyday. We need motivation, we need to be taught the important principles lest we forget them in the monotony.

The fact that most of the new animated movies target our childhood and sense of nostalgia is another factor into watching them.

Why else would Finding Dory would be a great hit, or why am I so patiently waiting for The Incredibles 2? I watched the originals when I was a kid and I loved the myriad colors on the screen. How could I understand the emotional depth these films touched.


 

If I watch a Disney movie, I take a trip to Sentiment City. They are so warm and fuzzy; packed with just the right amount of emotional ingredients like laughter, joy and innocence. Of course when I watch them I know they are going to have a happy ending.

Growing up to an adult makes you realize that they are just movies and they are marketed towards children. No child, no money and no profits. No child will love the movie if the main character dies. Disney movies usually have an protagonist which behaves like a dog, so if they kill their protagonist at the climax I will riot.


 

Recently I was watching Pete’s Dragon. I needed a ‘feel-good’ movie because of the day I was having. I knew the usual mind numbing apathetic shows I usually watch would not work. I have not watched the original movie but I trusted Disney to making a great movie.

The movie is stunning visually, with absolute jewels of child characters and a huge dragon which acts like a puppy with wings. I am a dog person and if there is anything more special than dogs it might be dogs with wings.

Or maybe a dragon because I grew up with stories of dragons.

In usual Disney movies, there is the start phase, intermediate stage and climax where everything falls into a new order. The start phase is usually marred by a tragedy and there is a lot of buried up pain in the middle. The climax makes the protagonist and in turn the viewers deal with the buried up pain. Most people would never want the middle phase.

There is also happiness in the middle phase. It is usually after the dog resembling character is introduced, when the protagonist realizes there is more the animated character than meets the eye. It is in the brilliant middle phase where the transition of the protagonist begins. There is a lot of laughter.

In this phase, the protagonist is happy but not as happy as he would eventually be. The movie is able to transmit that happiness from the protagonist’s face across to the viewers’ hearts.

So I watched Pete’s Dragon with a huge grin on my face as Pete and Elliot played around the jungle. Elliot was different than almost every dragon portrayed in the movies, he was kind and loyal. He changed colors when touched, he keeps his powers of destruction inside him and keeps away from people. How did they manage to have an animated character depict sorrow and longing is beyond me but Elliot clearly was sad when he looked at the North Star.

Pete belonged in the jungle with Elliot. He stayed away from people, lived well off on his own and was happy. He stayed true to his childish nature and his curiosity got the better of him at times. How could I forget the fact that Pete scared off a bear? That was funny.

Pete and Elliot had 6 great years together! They were content, wild and carefree. In stark contrast, who amongst us adults can say they had a good week?

Mostly I don’t even have good days, I have good moments with which I try to keep myself content. Moments I cherish. I drew parallels between the movie and my life as I watched.I am grateful for not having personal tragedy as Pete but then he has a Dragon! He could walk around carefree, not worried about what to wear, who to speak and what to say.

It did not matter to me that the adults in the movie seemed out of place. After all, I can willingly accept a kid trusting a dragon but I will probably never accept a full grown adult trusting a dragon. I expect the adult to try to tame the dragon. Exactly like the antagonist did.

I know WHO people are. I may be one of them.

As I watched the movie, I cringed in anticipation of the scene where Pete and Elliot get separated. I was not looking forward to see Elliot captured or any other emotional scene. My imagination raced ahead of me showing all the bad things that could happen to Pete and Elliot.

Thank goodness that the writers don’t have my imagination.

Thank goodness that Pete was still a kid in the movie. Someone who had no pride, someone who could laugh easy and was unencumbered. Thank goodness for the actor who played Pete cause he was able to be the perfect kid, an embodiment of everything childhood was supposed to be.

Innocence. Something I miss, the wide eyed perspective of the world.

It is kind of pointless to be talking about the things lost in a movie which tells you to be brave and move forward. A movie which embraces change in life. The message of the movie was not lost on me. I am not Pete though, I cannot accept change as easily as he did.

So I wish I had a dragon.

A year in AUT


A year ago, I was in Mumbai working 9 hours a day and secretly trying to get my visa sanctioned. I had kept my Masters’ plans secret from my colleagues. I would frequently call my brother whenever I needed some advice about my visa or about my job.

No one really tells you how hard it is to live away from your family. It is harder still to live without home-cooked food. It is hardest when there is no dog happily running around when I return home. I have weird priorities.

My friends from India do not share the same time with me. They are lagging behind 8 hours. If I need advice from my friends, I would get a reply from them 4 hours after my message. One of my friends moved to Germany now which lags behind 12 hours so basically I would wake up when she sleeps. I slowly stopped asking for advice and used my instincts. If I am confused, I toss a coin to decide.

I cannot summarize the last 9 university months in one sentence. In fact, I have been writing this post for the last 2 weeks and every draft I wrote was unsatisfactory. My drafts were mechanical, emotionless and not me. I had to sit and shovel the feelings out of my chest so my feelings can guide the words flow into this post. I should thank one of my university staff for that shovel.

I am competing for an award in my university. The final step to submit my award application is a personal essay to the university staff member. I have to write an essay about my feelings. It ought to be easy considering I have a personal blog right?

When I started in university, I was fresh off a content writing position in India. I was trying to transition back to engineering again. I saw my university’s monthly magazine and I said to my friend “I will submit an article in here”. I never submitted any article and forgot about it. In October I read the year’s final magazine again. I regretted never submitting any article.

I was also happy that I did not submit any article, I was no longer a content writer. My writings were academic focused and maybe no longer suited for magazines. My transition was complete.

Regarding my award application, all my essay drafts were sent back for revisions. She said my essays did not have feelings, they were similar to academic writings. She made me stop and think, think carefully about what my university months meant to me. Without her push, this post would have stayed in my drafts.

I did a lot of things in my university. I don’t want to list them, I want to relive them as I write the words here. I don’t know when I will resume my university for Ph.D. yet. At the moment, the nine months of university is what I have for certain.

I lived in two different houses while I studied. I loved both of the houses for different reasons. One house was near to sea face and my current house allows me to bike to my university. I made some great friends in my previous house, one of them recently sent me a postcard. The simple 3 lines on the postcard gave me immense happiness. I have to send her a postcard back soon.

I can’t talk about the AUT Debating Society enough. They took me along with them to my first roadtrip to Hamilton. I enjoyed the debating weekend getaway, the location and it took some time but I loved the people I met. On regular university days, every Tuesday I would be debating with them, making arguments and high-fiving my teammates. The funniest thing I have ever heard my teammate say during a debate was ‘Spiritual Porn’. The argument used will always be funny.

Recently, I volunteered for a medical technology event. It was not my first volunteering and it will not be my last. During the volunteering, I felt a surge of pride when people appreciated the exhibits. I should have clicked photos of kids reacting to the exhibits. The kids had a curiosity which made them keep exploring. The event was exhilarating and it gave me an excuse to cycle along the waterfront. I was as excited about these things as a 8 year old would be.

I got lost on so many days here. If I don’t have my phone then without maps I would also be geographically lost. I kept looking for a replacement home. I understand my immense involvement in a church now. They are a bunch of great people but with time I realized that I don’t really belong with them. I was trying too hard. Luckily, I found a good replacement home. A entire community of people who want to do good, and they accepted me into their homes with open arms. They called me ‘fam’, family for short. I can’t wait for their wedding in December.

It is not easy to live in a new country. It is easier to stay with other Indians because it is familiar and comfortable. I never fit in with them either. So I never waited for anyone. I wanted to watch a movie, I watched it. I wanted to eat a pizza, I ate it. I wanted to go to a party, I went. I never waited for anyone, I couldn’t possibly call my best friends from India here.

The year in Auckland, 9 months with AUT was a promiscuous mixture. Some days I went outside the house with ambition, some days I just closed my eyes and slept again. The 9 months are no less symbolic than childbirth for me. I feel independent, optimistic and ready for whatever comes my way and I have come a long way from where I started.

End Panic


(PS: I use my blog less frequently than I used to. Now, it is more a therapeutic measure than a sharing platform. I write on the days when I am sad, today I am sad about a small thing that I couldn’t do anymore. A post is due about my events in AUT and I will get it all out. Finally, I do apologize for my recent depressing posts, I can’t help the words that stumble out. I can only say after writing, I feel better.)

It is almost the end of the semester. I finish my last submission, the biggest of them all on 4th of November, 4 days before my 23rd birthday. Now when I am so close to the finish line, I am experiencing what I call as ‘end panic’.

I remember the last six months of my college a year and a half ago in India. I realized that I have a bunch of things I have never done and I decided to try to cross them out. This included going for the college festival, which I refused to go every year, parties and having one last important post about my college, to list a few.

Some of the plans went well: having never been to the college festivals worked well in my favor as I had no expectations and I thoroughly enjoyed. My friends didn’t enjoy cause they compared the previous year’s festivals and were disappointed.

Other plans did not go so well, especially the parties or rather The party. I never spoke about it here cause it involved others from my class and I don’t want to take names. I changed after those events.

Now, I am in Auckland and I am less than 2 weeks away from completing my term. I have my own set of worries about what will I do after I complete my term; neither do I have a summer job nor do I have plans. The only thing I do have fixed is attending a wedding of someone who is like family to me now in December. If the uncertainty is not enough to generate panic then it is looming 4th November.

Now, unlike my college in India I have done a lot of things in AUT. I am surprised about it myself and considering how crazy I actually I am, I will do more things in the coming two weeks. But that doesn’t stop the urges to do more. There is a difference between the end panic of my college days and the end panic of my university days. It is the activities or events I am used to doing; they will be hard to say goodbye to and not the people. In college, it was the people who I cherished and now…

Here is the thing: every small thing that I thing I cannot do anymore disappoints me. Literally SMALL. It doesn’t cripple me but I do need a minute. And my bucket list, so to say, is not so very different from my bucket list in my final semester from my college. College fests, parties, farewell dinners, photographs and the whole nine yards.

Currently, aside from my thesis, it an award which I want to cross off the bucket list. I failed to participate for any awards in my college and I regret that. Now I am so close being awarded in university that I WANT it. There is no easy way to put it for now, only that getting the award will be more striving than previously thought.

With the end panic in full force barging on me, I have to set my impulsive decisions on test and make sure whatever I do, I do them for the correct reasons

Note: I can’t believe I have written 200 posts on my blog. 

Who is this guy?


7 months. Without family, with only an hour long conversations with people who I utterly love. And now, this morning I realized I no longer can recognize myself.

Mumbai would be a place of comfort. Where I would say ‘no’ more than I draw breath. No to cooking, no to cleaning, no to socializing, you get the gist.

Why am I writing about it?

Because it is one of those days where there is too much to do. It is this day that I have to go for a job fair, have a date, try my hand at a coding competition and all of this on top of my usual university project and thesis writing. Others, my mom including say that I am chewing more than I can swallow.

I don’t agree with them. I just say ‘Yes’ more now.

Practically everyday I come home, I make sure that I cook my own dinner. I never did that when I was with family, I would always bring something from a restaurant. Now, I love cooking so much that whenever I try something new and it works, I tell mom with excitement. I make sure that my stuff is clean, at university and home.

However not everything is roses. In college, I would have to walk for five minutes before I would run into a friend. I remember a friend complaining to me I know a lot of people. Now, most of my days are spent bent in front of my laptop, learning codes or watching some important tutorial. Friends? I have already given up. I have spent so much of my time in a church where everyone seems friendly and I would rather stand outside than talk to anyone.

I always thought that making friends in a new country would be the easiest thing I would ever have to do and house chores would suck. In the last 7 min, I enjoy chores more than meeting a new face.

I have always ran on ‘Indian time’, a special scale in which it is practically normal to be half hour late. Now, after a colossal mistake, I am always early. I don’t even have an alarm in my phone anymore, I know I will be up exactly 8 hours from when I sleep.

There are not enough words to articulate the discord between me from 7 months ago and me a minute ago. One is full of naivety and other is practical. One is disorganized, other is organized to the minute. One feels lonely, other is lonely.

I never lived in denial back there, now on the end of bad days I sit in my bed watching a comfort show which does nothing more than numb and dumb my brain down. And I am aware of what I am doing. I know this though, regardless of the rejections, bad days and good minutes: I would never regret this life changing move.

So someday, I look at myself in the mirror and ask ‘Who is that guy?’

Weekend Coffee Share: The week that wasn’t


I had everything planned. Give my exams, Monday and Tuesday. Finish up my presentation for Wednesday and then go for a Jazz session in a bar in Auckland CBD. I would have finished up with everything with a smile on my face.

 

If we were having coffee then I would have told you that it didn’t go that way. In fact, it might be the worst week I have had here. I gave my exams, tensed and when I was done instead of a smile on my face I had a frown. Then I realized that I have misread the event on Facebook and the jazz session is actually this Tuesday and not last. It would be here from which everything went downhill.

 

I would tell you over coffee that on Wednesday I was late for my presentation. My bus was late, which always reaches on time that didn’t. And I’m regret of my mistake of not taking the previous bus every second. My sir canceled my presentation. No matter how much I begged, pleaded nothing came from it. 10 minutes and I loose 20% grades. As much as I want to hate him, I can’t. I screwed up.

 

I would tell you that the crazy part of my mind was laughing over the futility of it all: work hard over entire semester and screw up in ten minutes. It was laughing, I was laughing as I found out how easy it was to screw up this big.

 

I’m mortified: if I don’t score B grade over the semester then I would not be able to complete my Master’s. I had to worry about my house first, now my degree. I wish this was all for my week.

 

Friday. I had secured a last assistant job at the university for next semester. My professor told me that due to being inundated with applicants, I would no longer be hired.

 

I tried to distract myself. I volunteered in the church I’m a part of since Easter but all I thought about was my screw up. Everyone was talking about exams and all I did was mull over my scores. Sadly the distraction that did work was killing random robots while playing Call of Duty. I didn’t try to ask myself why am I this way.

 

Speaking of the church, today every sentence uttered in the service, every scripture referred seemed directed at me. The Pastors spoke about worrying, tension, forgiveness. Everything that I could think in my mind was addressed in the service. As I left, one of the Pastors walked me out. He knew something was wrong and at the end he prayed for me. I still feel his presence on my back where he kept his hand.

 

Plus, today they had a jazz choir. If we do have coffee, I would apologize for dropping such bombs on you. I would apologize as I wanted to talk but all I did was whine.

If we are having coffee: Some Reminders


If we are having coffee(or tea), I would tell you that something happened that made me want to take writing seriously again.

If we do have coffee, I would also tell you that this is my first #weekendcoffeeshare post. I always loved this idea, I tried it in real life too, however I failed to keep up with half of it. I don’t know if I will be able to do this for long either.

It has been rough couple of days. No actually, it has been a rough couple of months. There was no particular reason, there were many of them. So while studying and speaking to a dear friend of mine something unlocked.

I told her to grow up, I told her to have patience and learn how to deal with things happening because of the wishes she is taking. I told her to take care of her loved ones first before she breaks down. And the reason is not so noble: I told her that she can’t take care of her loved ones when she is the one who needs help.

I don’t remember where I read this. I must have because I picked it up, adopted it without breaking a sweat and now I realize that I have been doing this for so long it is who I am. So I opened up ‘Pocket’ to try find where I read it, it is my treasure of the posts I have loved ever since I started blogging.

I forgot what it was like to feel through reading words. I read one and then I read many. I read this post, one which beautifully described the experience of having a dog: it made me laugh and sad, it made me miss my dog.

Then this post, one where she spoke about her familiarity with funerals and death of David Bowie and I felt her pain.

I wept, I laughed, I ached and I smiled amidst tears. Then I wept even more when I read this post, something that I always do when I read this, one where a other speaks about her dying daughter, I never found out what happened afterwards, I don’t have the courage to. I laughed at this guy’s take on Indian culture, on this blogger’s collection of Cat quotes, this post about depression, this post about childhood & identity, on this absolutely beautiful tale about Guitar and music. No wonder I tried to pick up a guitar afterwards and I am still trying.

If we are having coffee, then I think I must have mentioned all of this before too. I don’t care, I cherish the reminders. I just know that in the space and time I forgot how or what blogging was. I struggled with closing this blog, tried and somehow still struggling.

I am looking for a new place, or found it, giving exams and so much more. I didn’t sleep two days in a row, studied and realized that I still have a long way to go in studies. This week reflected on mostly my studies.

If we were to have coffee(virtually again) I would love that. I know it is not the way #weekendcoffeeshare posts are written but this is my take on it.

Luck’s running out


Random person: “Wow that is awesome”

Me: “Yeah, I got lucky.”

That’s how I always described it. Lucky. Not hard work or dedication; I was just at the right place at the right time. Many would say that I jinxed it myself, I just knew it was coming sooner or later.

The previous housekeeper left and I took up housekeeping. I wanted to save money and the job was the only way. No rent, work against stay arrangement. I admit, I was not an excellent housekeeper but I tried.

Last week I got to know, a mere week before my semester exams, I need to vacate the house by the end of June. I like my house. It was not perfect when I moved in, it is not perfect still. I have seen better houses, been around in better localities in Auckland but I liked the people that lived here. Somehow it suited me to know people for a couple of days, make friends and then never speak to them ever again. In my own twisted way, it suited me to be aloof. I had privacy in a shared room, I joined communities and I bought a bicycle here. It seems like yesterday that I moved in here. I planned to finish my studies in this house. Aside from the monetary reasons, the best thing about the house was its quick access to the coast. So I cycled down the coast to experience it again. If I didn’t have monetary reasons to stay in this place, I would have still tried to live here.

 

wp-1464754652186.jpeg

The pakuranga walkway, that is my bicycle

 

Now, I am worried, stressed and mildly freaking out. I know how difficult it was the last time I tried to look for houses in Auckland. Now I have to do it again along with getting my studies done and earning more money so that I can afford a house. When I got to know, I knew that my good fortune will not shine, however I also knew there wouldn’t be total darkness. That things are going to get tougher, and I may still make a lot of mistakes in the coming days. But I can’t just sit here and do nothing.

Now, when I am almost done with househunting (or room hunting), and the experience was not as bad as it was the last time. I knew what I wanted, the location I wanted and the cost. I knew my parameters, my limits. It was not as bad as it was the last time. Obviously, I didn’t expect something perfect, or a house with pets, what I am getting is perfect for the time being.

And even if things do get worse, I do have the feeling that I can figure it out. Eventually.

Transit Friends


That is what I call them.

When I moved to Auckland, I had a plan. Live temporarily in this place while I look for a good apartment near my university. Call it my incompetence to get a good apartment near to my university, or the fact that I loved my area so much that I never moved.

I was supposed to get a good place, but I didn’t want to leave a better place either.

The people I met here are a special highlight. Not all of them are great, many like me are introverted. When the conversations start though, they were a unique experience.

They are all travellers. None of them are talking about the money they have, or the wild experiences they had. It’s simple, none are trying to impress anyone.

When I moved in, there were a couple of people living here already. These travellers are way past their studying years and now are making a living on the go. They travel, earn money and then travel some more. The cycle is repeated till I don’t know when, I never asked. They had fascinating tales, even better passports which could very well be out of a travelogue or self help book.

In my first week I met 4 Brits who were staying over for a weekend. Real cool guys, and as luck would have it we shared a room. There was another guy in the same room and he snored. I was jetlagged and couldn’t sleep. The 4 Brits couldn’t sleep because of the snores. We all stayed awake that night talking to one another about how to shut the snoring up, what other ways a corn can be used and my personal favourite was a tale of a lodge they slept one  night and swore never to return to such a place again. I can’t remember laughing like that in a long time.

As it was my first week here, I missed my home food and had bought Indian (expensive) food in desperation. I had no hesitation to share the food.

I met a Japanese girl here. Unlike the other travellers that I keep encountering she had no clue what she was doing, what she wanted to eat and what she wanted to buy. She hung around with me for a couple of days. I am sure she would be cursing me for making her walk from one place to the other simply because I didn’t want to use the more expensive bus. She was fun in her different way. Of all the people that I met here, she is the only one who I befriended on Facebook. And now I don’t text her either.

A very generous bunch of travellers gave me their guitar. We spoke the night they arrived, tired and cranky. Crazy dudes, a quiet girlfriend of one of the guys. Possibly the friendliest bunch ever, I would love to travel with such a group. I closed up all my work as I listened to them talking about Bali, India, Australia. Where to get cheap flights from, where to party hardest and where they found peace: they knew it all. For a first time traveller like me, I can only stare in fascination at their passports with multiple immigration stamps and visas. I was spellbound. The couple were engaged but he wanted his fiancée to travel the world like he did, on her own. He said ‘I want her to experience the things I did. I don’t want her to regret it.’ He didn’t have to tell me that but he did.

They moved to the city a day later, I lost their numbers. I also knew I would never contact them. I am weird that way.

There was a couple from Poland I remember. The guy had an awesome collection of folk music that I forgot to take. They told me where to buy good white wraps from which I substitute as rotis. They told me they were interrogated at the airport when they arrived at Auckland only because they were from Poland. The girl never spoke a word.

In the last month’s Lantern festival, I went alone on the first day and on the last day I oversold the festival and took two Germans and the Japanese girl along. I just didn’t want to go alone I guess. Like everyone else the Germans were travellers too. I kept asking questions about the places they have been to, things they have done.

Not every person is great though. Sometimes I wanted to run out of the room because a roommate looked scary. I maintained my cool. A chinese family snored like tractors in the night and I slept on the couch. I didn’t complain to them when they asked me why did I sleep on the couch. The couch is also very comfortable for me.

A Czech republic girl played the most soothing version of Tears of Heaven in the night. I slept like a baby listening to that tune. A guy never stopped drinking beer.

Days turned to weeks and now it has been a month. I can’t count the number of people I have met. I don’t want to because I would have a number of people that have left the house since I moved in.

I read about this on his blog ‘Into The Mild’ but until now I never realized what he really meant. The worst part about meeting so many people is that they leave. I know the probability of ever meeting them again is extremely slim. Unless I stay at the same place and hope that the Belgian guys decide to come here again or the Japanese girl wants to travel Auckland again.

A house like this is perfect for me: I will not be depended upon anyone. I wanted that, needed it. I don’t want to be at the mercy of other people’s kindness ever again.

But that doesn’t mean that I don’t wish some of these great, funny people I met would live at the home for a little longer. For I can get out of my natural inhibitions and ask for their numbers and contact. And maybe speak to them again.

For now, I can see almost everyone I knew leaving the house this weekend. I can only sit and bid farewell because like them, I am too their in-transit friend.

Down Memory Lane


Mulund. Devi Dayal road. My father’s home.

We visited an aunt last Saturday. After a long time, we met her and I thoroughly enjoyed it. We got to know that the lane in which my father lived his childhood has changed, the buildings are replaced by residential towers, the road is bigger and slum dwellers at the end of the lane are now up scaled to a building.

Only thing that stayed the same was Hanuman Temple.

My mother’s curiosity gave the necessary nudge and we walked father’s lane,  down memory lane.

I have heard my father’s childhood stories numerous times. Nonetheless they are always hogged down by my ears, my face may actually light up on hearing those stories.

He pointed out small garage type house that his family of 10 or more used to live in, I feel proud to see how far he has come, how humble his origins are, somewhat closer to understand why he aspires greatness from me. That house is now the office of Rotary Club.

Father’s friend used to live in the building opposite, now there’s a new ornate tower standing there, the friend moved away now.

My mind begun coining a line, something inspired from a WWE match I saw. Before I digress and ramble upon my fandom of The Undertaker, I’ll quote the lines:

Fortune fame 
Mirror vain 
Gone insane 
But the memory remains 

Buildings torn down. Shopkeepers changed. Gardens built anew. Pictures faded. Friends moved away. But the memory remains.

As our trip down the memory lane finished, the stories were just getting started. Father told me again about how he and his friends would hang out at the gate the Lalchand Laxmibai hostel, his school Dayanand vedic highschool. His tea ‘adda’ or spot with his friends and later my mom joined him after marriage at paach rasta. (five way junction) He remembers the cost, 4 paise for a cutting tea back then.

He showed us his favorite restaurant in its early days, Kirti Mahal. That restaurant is extremely popular now, with a huge queue waiting for their turn. His pals would visit the restaurant and with hand skills steal spoons and forks for their hostel. My dad looked for a pan wala but that shop was missing.

Alas, no visit to past memories would be complete without loss. He found out that one of his school classmates passed away a year ago.

I had great hopes for finishing this evening with the best dinner possible: Pav Bhaji from the stall that he used to eat from. Yes that stall is still there after 40 years, the food delicious.

After waiting for 30 minutes for the food, I quickly hogged it down, burped on the road without any shame. My dad satisfied by eating there, greeting the busy cook.

The evening was a mix of melancholy and ebullience.

It made me think about why I always loved Mulund more than my home Dombivali(both are city names).

The former has a family connection, it feels homely. It feels part of my heritage, my roots arise there. The exact same feeling arises when I visit my maternal grandparents.

There’s a bond there which runs across a generation. It is like homecoming.

Captivated


Many people catch my attention but only few of them truly captivate me.

Today I met an extraordinary woman.

She is my aunt’s mother, easily older than 80 years.

I don’t know her name, her last name I learnt from the nameplate.  I am clueless about her education, her marriage, her accomplishments or her regrets: because I didn’t ask them.

In fact I didn’t ask her anything, I just watched her in wide eyed wonder. I observed her energy and cordial personality, a person captivated.

Yes, captivated.

She couldn’t hear anymore but that didn’t impede her loquacious nature, she can lip read everyone: me, my parents, my aunt, even the actors on TV! Her focus oscillated from one person to the next as we spoke, she wanted to be a part of the conversation.

She spoke with everyone, she made me feel as a part of her family even if I had just met her for the very first time. I am part of her family, to her my father is like her son.

I heard her stories and her theories. She doesn’t leave her house anymore because she wants to pass away at her own home, she doesn’t want to taint her sons’ houses with her death.

Back when my father was a child, she used to summon him for small errands, my father never said no. Today when they met she told him she has some work for him, he still didn’t say no.

Her two favorite things are the bank and moving. Yes, I said she doesn’t leave her home so wait.
Her residential area is under remodeling. Old buildings are being replaced with new towers, the previous residents are given apartments in the new tower. She keeps making arrangement for a new temporary apartment even though her building is not scheduled for remaking. In fact, the plan is just under talks and nothing is finalized.

She is meticulous about her accounts, always checking to see if her money’s still there. Nowadays she calls over a nearby kid, pays him 15 rs to go and check her account! The same kid was also summoned to visit her cousin who was hospitalized.

She has a diary, all the people who she knows are in it. Contact numbers, their residences everything. She has maintained it over the years so well that my aunt only uses her diary as a contact list. She took our numbers today.

Like I said her gregarious nature doesn’t permit her to stay aloof, she calls people and speaks to them over loudspeaker of the phone. According to my aunt, her telephonic conversations are a shouting match.

I love her, I don’t have any blood ties with her but I wish there should be one, no matter how distant. Her diabetes has no control over her, she would eat rice and sweets whenever my aunt’s unaware.

Funniest thing is that she is always smiling. She is unique in that, her frankness and motherly nature. If you were there, you would probably touch her legs in awe and respect. Like I said I was captivated.

Before we left her abode, she gave me and my brother ten rupee notes. I never do this but I marked her note and vowed to never spend it. When she made me vow to never spend it later at the door, I wanted to hug her and say I was never going to spend it anyway.

wp-1463814512867.jpg

This is the goal. To be so venerated, to possess such candor, to meet another youngster and make him captivated.

After all, what is life’s goal but to be remembered.

Feed The Sparrows


Having nothing to do is dangerous. The task less indolent mind wanders onto places and ideas that you would’ve never reached. And it’s also possible that during such a time nothing can be achieved or a lot can be found. Such is my case.
Every night I made a plan, and every night the plan differed. And with a person like me, one who has a very very vivid imagination the plans stretched far out into the future into success stories.

Dreaming with my eyes open

One such a plan was to join a NGO for animals. I love animals, and they are ones who suffer by our, we human beings, actions. They are the helpless voiceless victims of our ambitions and they deserve something back. Jimmy(my dog) thought me alot of things and it is because of him I know animals know sorrow and happiness. They are more than any other species, they are Life
So I looked for NGO that are nearby and the ones whose interests matches my own. And staying in an almost rural town doesn’t help because many NGO are so far away that it is mostly stupid to go there. Good intent but still stupid. One NGO chairman that I spoke with gave the idea of a sparrow feeder. He had the idea that we can make our own feeders and place them around the area. I have seen the same in a show called Heavy Petting On NDTV Good Times years ago. And I know because it is getting rare to see a sparrow on the balcony or window these days.

Determined to not let anything hinder me I asked the person who I knew feeds birds. The grocery store owner. You know this is true because there’s always pigeons outside his store feeding on some grains. I asked him what do pigeons and sparrows eat. With a lack of of explanation he packed some grains for me and said to place only a small quantity on the window. He is the experienced person here so I took his advice.
What do I need to feed sparrows? Some jowar (sorghum) and bajri (pearl millet).

And a place on window where I can keep the grains, probably an old gardening pot. I did that and the first day no sparrows. No pigeons. Next morning I was greeted with the sweet cooing voice of the sparrows. By mid morning the window had at least three four sparrows perched, each adding their own voices to a song whose meaning was unintelligible to me. But it was melodious.

Never thought that voices like that would be so peaceful to hear

So every day I fed them, everyday their voices brought some life into the house that was mostly empty. And then the pigeons arrived. The birds which are at least twice the size of an average sparrow and when they ate no sparrows could even perch on the same window. To counter this I made two pots, and one of them was hanging from the ceiling. Much to the annoyance of my mom, who didn’t want any birds to damage any of the plants that she had planted, I fed both pigeons and sparrows. The one hanging from the ceiling is for sparrows only and I make sure no pigeon tries to eat from there.

The melody of the birds returned after a day and now it’s part of my morning routine. Get up, drink tea and then serve the grains for the new guests of the house. And it is the simplest thing.

So I urge you, if there’s anything that you can do,and which doesn’t require much of your efforts it is this. Feed the sparrows. It is as simple as watering the plants which is already a part of most people’s morning routine mine included. Buy grains, install a pot and every morning serve grains.



PS:
The sparrows come primarily in the morning and evening around 4-6 pm. Everyday. And they fly from windowsill to pot,  loud and full of energy. And for people who care about animals, this might be a simple way to start. No huge efforts, minimal responsibility and heart warming results.

Check out this page: Sparrow Shelter

Cypress Thank You


I’m confused about what kind of post this is. But this is definitely not a directional/instructional trek post. (I got lost a couple of times myself)

I have had enough. I needed to prove something. To whom I didn’t have the courage to ask. But yeah I had to make a point. And to do that I climbed a mountain. Or hill actually.

And so I went, alone, to a nearby hilly area in Mulund, Mumbai. Cypress its called famous among college students as a making out rendezvous (couples there should at least clean up after they are done. I saw enough packets) So with almost no guide other than mighty internet and no known route I began my climb with water and Parle G!(they are a life saver) a huge umbrella because it was raining when I left home, which I later strapped to my back along with my bag as a two handed sword.

Now I should explain how I went up and the route I took, but unfortunately I don’t have any pictures for the said route. Cause it required me to kneel use my hands for support in climbing. And I’m a little confused too.

I’m a novice in trekking and hiking. I have been trekking in Pune area and they have always been amazing. I am better than most of my friends and I can say this because of the 7 to 8 treks I have done, I never slipped. My breath gets labored but that’s okay.

So I knew the way to the top would be upslope. So I saw a path and I took it, a dried out waterfall is a sure shot way to reach the top. Alas, I’m severely out of practice. The route which would have been done in 30 minutes took me an hour, me all the while sweating and puffing and more than once scratched from the scrubs. (I should have worn full tracks) “Almost there almost there” was the only thing I kept telling myself. And I couldn’t go back the route that I came. I wanted a different route. With the absence of rains and the occasional sunshine today was really hot. Winds did what they could but it didn’t help much. I was tired when I reached the hill top, I planned on screaming “I did it” but I was too tired to do so. So sat on a stone, caught my breath and tried to pacify my heart which I was afraid would give in.

IMG_20150625_143140

The Top of the Hill, there’s my bag near the stone where I sat

I ate the Parle G biscuits. Yes, they are a life saver. The tiredness quickly washed away, crunching sound somehow amplified and reaching my ears. I kept looking around. And the views were spectacular. The hills stretched from left to right, a lake mostly Vihar right in the middle of them, enclosed like a water held in palms. Another lake was partially visible behind the trees. The city Mulund was behind me, obscured by the tree growth.

IMG_20150625_140723

The Panorama From Top

IMG_20150625_143411

Mulund

Just being on hilltop gives a great feeling. ‘I did it’ is an understatement, the accomplishment gifted by the heavenly view all around you. The artistry of Creator. To add my awe of the nature, I noticed the butterflies.

IMG_20150625_141752

The First Click

IMG_20150625_142348

The Second Click

Small, multivariate and fickle. Fickle because they couldn’t decide which way they want to fly. My eyes traced their random flight unblinking to not miss them. Green orange and white. And they deserved to be clicked. Because it was a while since I have seen any butterflies in my area. Even though there’s no lack of vegetation I hardly ever see butterflies. Funny I never noticed that till now.

Highly sensitive to movements around, my efforts to have a great photo of them were mostly in vain. Some serious control of my limbs and patience and I was able to click some trivial pictures. If you are in any way as impatient as I am, trying clicking their photos. Slowly, steadily. It is difficult.

Coming down was rather hilarious. Being alone makes you wanna start a monologue with yourself, asking which way and let’s go. And i did the monologue loudly because I knew there would be no one to overhear. Same idea here too, just pick the path which is downslope. And I’m sure I got lost. But I didn’t care much, because I saw the city in front of me so I knew I’ll figure a way out. Not a very good tip if you are trekking in a place totally aloof.

IMG_20150625_151307

Somewhere downstream

Like I said a new route I took, telling myself I’ll see where it goes. Luckily it was downslope and I was in right direction. My ankles and calves in pain, not because the climb was arduous but because I was out of practice and weak. I went slowly, and the sound of waterfalls greeted me in a while. A small waterfall, merely a tickle, was exhilarating nonetheless. Cold but not too cold. I washed my face and legs, drank some water too. Careless to drink but it was flowing water(and I need to go to a doctor for a checkup I know)

And here is the funny part: while climbing there was a signal tower at the start. And that is what I was looking for while coming down, though the trees severely limited my line of sight. Almost to the hill base I saw people heading up a different direction from where I came from. I traced their paths and reached the gate from where I started, near the temple, completely bypassing the signal tower(there is always a temple either at the peak or at the base) Again, this would be a whole lot less hilarious if I was trekking in a remote area.

I had fun. The tiring journey giving me nothing but satisfaction and much needed change of scene. With a huge smirk on my face, I came home tired, hurt and thirsty.

With a nagging question, why were other people going in a different direction. Did I climb the wrong hill?

Introspection


I got nominated by Adi to participate in the Freestyle Writing Challenge, which is a great little exercise in fluid, un-interrupted writing.

So here are the RULES of this challenge:

1.Open an MS Word document

2. Set a stop watch or your mobile to 5 minutes or 10 minutes whichever challenge you think you can beat.

3.You topic is at the foot of this post BUT DO NOT SCROLL DOWN TO SEE IT UNTIL YOU ARE READY WITH A TIMER.

4. Fill the word doc with as much words as you want. once you began writing do not stop even to turn.

5. Do not cheat by going back and correcting spellings and grammar with spell check in MS WORD (it is only meant for you to reflect on your own control of sensible thought flow and for you to reflect on your ability to write the right spelling and stick to grammar rules)

6. You may or may not pay attention to punctuation and capitals. However if you do, it would be best.

7. At the end of your post write down ‘No. Of words =_____’ so that we would have an idea of how much you can write within the time frame.

8. Do not forget to copy paste the entire passage on your blog post with a new Topic for your nominees and copy paste these rules with your nominations (at least 5 bloggers).

Here’s my article:

As I said to adi on her post that my blog is entirely introspective so writing another post isn’t that hard. But since she challenged me I’ll take it up nonetheless.

I read books, a lot of them anyway. I watch movies and anything else that seems remotely intersong on the TV. Music is the same.

I have read mystery novels, a huge bunch of fantasy novels and a lot of novels whose genre I myself never bothered to check.

Movie’s though I make sure I always check imdb before I watch it, there’s still a ton of movies that I watched simply because I liked the title.

Music is more fickle. Edm, trance, rock, alternative, country, soul, Sufi, Bollywood pop etc etc. I have heard it all mostly, and yet I always change my favorite genre.

The point I’m making is this: I always almost like whatever I’m watching/reading/listening. You can check my good reads page there is only positive reviews. I never have anything bad to say about whatever I watch etc.

It has always been the way. I like almost everything. I guess you can it being tasteless.

I would say just like Rocky Balboa “I like everybody(/thing)”

Time: 5 min

Word: 201. (Yuck! i had a great speed around my GRE exams!)

The nominees are:

1. Architarai

2. Akriti

3. Kay

4. Jai Vyas

5. Random musings

6. Adi(Revenge!)

Your topic: Ephemeral

You Have 5/10 minutes to write whatever you can.

To The People I Met in College


(Four Stars

Write a review of your life — or the life of someone close to you — as if it were a movie or a book.)

While having lunch, someone posed the question ‘Where would we be five ten years from now?’

None of us could answer, but that got me thinking.

If the Mayur of 2011 would meet the Mayur of 2015, he would neither recognize nor believe that this is what the next four years of college would hold for him.

I was shy. Unfriendly, friendless, alone and yes scared. To come to a college that resided in a society that’s way above my normal social standards! I still remember the gooseflesh I had on the very first day, I reached college at around 7.30 am for a 8 am lecture. I met my first classmate that day.

The college magazine photoshoot took place the other day. There is my class! All of us grinning, happy for this photo of our class that we would always have(I would!)

I imagined sitting in my class/lab 306 and bantering. Laughing. Writing assignments. Cursing and laughing again. And then thought about what will we do tomorrow.

And it hit me, maybe tomorrow(literal sense) we won’t be in that lab.

And I realized that day, the college is just a step away from being ‘Present’ to being ‘Past’. That ‘I am going to college’ would soon become ‘I was going to college’. The imminent end is here.

Coming to Dadar I met a senior. Passed out last year she is looking for a new job. She hates it. She misses college. She misses the routine of college.

Okay, here it goes:

If I could sum up my college experience it’s this: The people I met here. Its my parents who pushed me to come here, my brother who supported me.

You!

The memories I shared with you all, some made digital, some forever lost in the grooves of my head.

YOU MADE ME REACH HERE!

EITHER BY SUPPORTING ME, or by enraging me.

I ate with you or most probably I ravaged your lunch.

I laughed with you. I laughed on you, you laughed on me. I teased you, you teased me back.

I sang with you, I danced with you.

I consoled you when you were down. You consoled me when I was down.

I never refused to help you when you asked, I never stopped begging for help because half the times I was helpless.

Most importantly I spoke with you. Had lengthy or transiting conversations with you. I got to know you. Glad that I got to know you.

My college is you:

EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU.

Even if I just say hi to you while walking on the stairs, I’ll remember you.

I’ll remember the one liners you spoke, I’ll remember the hi fives and the bear hugs.

I’ll remember the times I laughed so hard my stomach ached.

I’ll remember the times I got so angry on you that I wanted to just kill you.

I’ll remember the fights I had with you. I’ll remember the fights we watched happening and wished we had popcorn.

I’ll remember you.

So if a long time from now we meet, I’ll grin in recognition because you mattered.

Thank you for all the memories. Thank you for the lessons both taught wittingly and unwittingly.

I’m not good with changes, never liked goodbyes.

Maybe I’ll lose contact, but you have my email, you know me on Facebook. Contact me, I’ll reply.

I’ll be happy to.

I’ll miss this routine.

I’ll miss the familiarity.

I’ll miss you.

Thank you for the four years. I’m glad I got the experience.

While everyone keeps saying and tagging their pictures #onelasttime I would rather say #TillNextTime

Thanks For Reading
Itsmayurremember

Let’s see what others have written:

https://tulisanmaddy.wordpress.com/2015/04/21/the-review/
An Emotional Triumph
https://pokergoddess.wordpress.com/2015/04/20/best-cinematography/
https://verseherder.wordpress.com/2015/04/20/we-are-all-made-of-sawdust/
https://dragoneystory.wordpress.com/2015/04/20/path/
http://www.destinary.com/2015/04/20/beyond-the-sea/
https://nicholacmassey.wordpress.com/2015/04/20/four-stars/
https://salihinyacob.wordpress.com/2015/04/20/four-stars-for-life/
https://adarkworldinside.wordpress.com/2015/04/20/is-such-a-life-enough/
https://lauzlau.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/once-upon-a-life/
https://heleneparish.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/beyond-the-sea/
http://californiaurbanite.com/review-of-my-life/
https://helenmeikle.wordpress.com/2015/04/20/daily-prompt-lifes-a-beach/
https://avenueaesthetics.wordpress.com/2015/03/26/avenue-aesthetics-whats-new-in-esthetics-in-alberta/
http://jonathanwrogers.com/2015/04/19/a-life-and-death-story/
https://nelkumi.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/my-life-in-review/
https://kurtengel18.wordpress.com/2015/04/20/rating-without-stars/
Reflections: What Are We Feeding Our Children?
https://avenueaesthetics.wordpress.com/2015/03/30/whats-up-in-alberta-aesthetics-keeping-it-clean-and-healthy-for-all/
https://hometogo232.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/daily-post-four-stars/
FIVE PHOTOS FIVE STORIES CHALLENGE: A date with Langurs (Day 1)
https://dragoneystory.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/before-2/
http://ireland-ms.com/2015/04/19/booksireland/
http://clipsandsnippets.com/2015/04/19/review-one-beleaguered-life/
https://iseeiseesaidme.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/four-stars-is-not-enough/
https://naveenwins.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/book-review-only-for-you/
http://lifeisgreat0.com/2015/04/19/love-and-war/
NOT ANOTHER!
https://saurab275.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/the-search/
https://reallifeunscripted.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/just-underneath/
https://flowersandbreezes.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/five-stars/
https://iseeiseesaidme.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/unmentionables/
https://myleviathan.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/the-nearly-man-2/
https://shameport.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/sunday/
https://yzhengblog.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/temporary-home/
My Life : Review
https://kretschmannland.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/four-stars-why-not-five/
https://grieflessons.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/the-long-road-four-landays-napowrimo-day-19/
https://thelonerose.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/four-stars/
Daily Feline Prompt: My Feline Life
https://marthakennedy.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/love-story-opening/
https://kimaedwards.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/daily-prompt-four-stars/
https://alotfromlydia.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/a-lot-of-sweat/
https://agirllikemee.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/four-starred-review/
https://livingonchi.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/daily-prompt-the-loss/
https://inkhammer.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/sloggerhumps/
Photos and Stories behind them – The cemetery, Feldbrunnen
https://509majesty.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/could-we-get-a-rewrite/
https://sudhasarathi61.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/i-know-the-truth-but-will-defy-willingly-and-knowingly/
5 PHOTOS, 5 STORIES – SPRING CLEANING – DAY 3
https://unbolt.wordpress.com/2014/10/05/a-doll/
https://tombalistreri.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/not-so-sober-tale/
https://vexingpoint.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/daily-prompt-four-stars/
http://cancerisnotpink.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/eddie-and-the-horses/
http://chetansanghani.wordpress.com/2013/06/10/daily-prompt-four-stars/
http://huntprayerpoems.wordpress.com/2013/06/10/daily-prompt-four-stars/
http://karisilvaphotography.wordpress.com/2013/06/09/daily-prompt-four-stars-life-my-daughter/
http://thesoundoflaughter.wordpress.com/2013/06/09/review-of-a-life-so-far-a-writing-exercise/
http://averystrangeplace.com/2013/06/08/daily-riffed-3-its-a-thankless-job-but-apparently-i-have-to-do-it/
http://2013weeklyphotochallenge.wordpress.com/2013/06/08/weekly-photo-challenge-home-made-flower/
http://stuckonzero.com/2013/06/06/%e2%98%85%e2%98%85%e2%98%85%e2%98%85/
http://ncieslak.wordpress.com/2013/06/07/daily-prompt-four-stars-its-not-always-a-wonderful-life/
http://calliopeslyre.wordpress.com/2013/06/07/i-will-not-break/
http://mannalexandra.wordpress.com/2013/06/07/daily-prompt-four-stars/
Four Stars: Two Anniversaries, Two Christenings & Open Studios.
http://noelephantsinthisroom.wordpress.com/2013/06/07/i-give-it-2-stars-so-far/
http://writinglikeastoner.wordpress.com/2013/06/07/daily-prompt-four-stars/
http://jacksdavie.wordpress.com/2013/06/07/movie-of-the-year/
http://simplexvita.wordpress.com/2013/06/07/four-stars-veni-vidi-vici/
http://linesbylinda.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/daily-prompt-four-stars-from-the-past-and-beyond/
Post a Week: Eden (Delight)
A Pet’s Life For Me
http://2timespink.wordpress.com/2013/06/07/chronology-of-the-heart/
http://fenixrizes.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/life-in-review/
http://acrossthewideocean.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/review-of-the-great-wide-world-part-1/
http://miradordesign.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/life-in-the-undergrowth/
http://marta87wink.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/daily-prompt-four-stars/
http://vosperdruiter.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/four-stars-lets-make-that-4-12432-stars-daily-prompt/
http://sansburydr.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/life-poetically-divined/
http://tarotalchemist.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/daily-prompt-four-stars/
http://meanderedwanderings.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/a-review-of-a-strikingly-mellow-fellow/
http://ciapannaphoto.wordpress.com/2013/02/04/zipolite-life-on-death-beach/
http://layedbacklife.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/daily-prompt-a-life-in-review/
http://architar.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/the-five-star-life/
http://untilmyheartexplodes.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/unwavering-life/
http://artmoscow.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/the-only-life-you-ever-gonna-get/
http://starvingactivist.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/daily-prompt-stars/
http://booksmusicandmovies.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/daily-prompt-four-stars/
Daily Prompt: Four Stars — Remembering the Garry Armstrong Show
Daily Prompt: Four Stars
http://mindblur.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/something-a-few-times-we-expect-it-to-be-the-norm/
http://bureaucracyofanarchy.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/daily-prompt-four-stars/
Daily Prompt: life
http://randomencountersoftheinquisitivemind.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/my-life-as-a-movie/
http://itsawonderfulfnlife.com/2013/06/06/adventures-of-narcolepsy-boy-and-wolf-girl/
http://thebloggingpath.com/2013/06/06/daily-prompt-four-stars/
Daily Prompt: Four Stars
Book (P)review…
http://sofiesdiary.com/2013/06/06/153-life-daily-prompt/
Rescued and Changed
http://honestpuck.wordpress.com/2013/06/07/life-unexamined/
http://jitterygt.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/a-summer-with-kenton-lewis-a-review-of-his-book/
http://basicallybeyondbasic.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/daily-prompt-four-stars/
Invisible Fences, Make Good Neighbors
http://cvillewinter.wordpress.com/2013/06/04/orange-robes-flying-on-a-tuesday/
http://mauldinfamily1.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/daily-prompt-four-stars/
http://likereadingontrains.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/a-day-with-the-seven-year-old-nephew-daily-prompt-four-stars/
http://unknowinglee.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/my-five-star-review-daily-prompt-four-stars/
http://lewiscave.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/for-a-song/
http://ramisatheauthoress.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/7-day-music-blogging-challenge/
http://weliveinaflat.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/forbidden-but-allowed-on-a-case-by-case-basis/

Words….


( ( Calling Uncle Bob

Have you ever faced a difficult situation when you had to choose between sorting it out yourself, or asking someone else for an easy fix? What did you choose — and would you make the same choice today?))

As I sat preparing for my exams my dog Jimmy decided that was the best time for him not to sleep.

Though he was supine right in the middle of the bed he was someway irritated and looking to chew something, maybe trying to grab air and chew it. This has happened many a times before and like always I gave him my hand so he could chew.

He doesn’t bite, just takes my hand inside his mouth and keeps it there. And after a while he sleeps, mostly with my hand still in his mouth, me feeling as a small dog chew toy. This time I had to scratch his head.

So with one hand tracing the textbook lines, other kept scratching and petting jimmy. Whenever I stopped scratching he would wake up and look with those big brown irises asking me why I stopped.

So this went on for half an hour, me scratching and studying. And when I stopped he was still asleep, dreaming of chicken and bones and everything favourite.

Makes you wonder what he would have said if he could have. Like somewhere along the lines of ‘Hey I have an itch to scratch, on my head. Help’ Or something else entirely.

It is thought inducing how him without saying a word or making a sound could convey what he wants. And how simple is it for him. Life’s big questions for him would be where to sleep now or what’s mummy making.

No words. No complexity.

Words. I always had a problem with them. I could never put them together, make them jell. Make the listener completely comprehend the kernel of what I intend to say.

And then I started blogging.

It is freedom.

I can write anything I want, how I want. Completely independent of who reads it and what they will think. Freedom which you will not attain outside the webpage where conversations cut short your thoughts, and sociality and mannerisms hamper you.

It is honesty.

Honesty that is interpreted as a fake in real life simply because no one can be that honest.

Every single one of the seventy something posts is me. Me, unfiltered and complete. People liked my thoughts and words, praised them. Writing became the sole way for me to express myself. I wrote to say sorry, wrote to say thank you and wrote for everything I could write on.

And I forgot that blogging ends with the website. That as soon as I click publish I have to attenuate myself for this world.

My honesty in real life spurned loose, and transpired to shamelessness. My freedom is now what I take forcefully. In complete disregard to others around me.

I forgot that blogging and real life is never the same. One of them is a page to write some four hundred words, other is more than just words. It is life. I got carried away.

I said things that have repercussions beyond my control. And now I realize that while my blog posts are me, I am more than those one paged posts. While I get followers and likes on blog for my thoughts, in my life thoughts are just a small role to play. My actions speak louder.

So here I am maybe taking an oath. I’ll change. Keep my freedom and honesty to my blog. But somehow finding a correct balance in life. Because I should.

Because I got carried away

Jimmy has it so easy.

Thanks For Reading
Itsmayurremember

Let’s see what others have written:
http://tombalistreri.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/short-reply/
http://unbolt.wordpress.com/2014/08/29/i-was-walking-too-fast/
http://thecrookedmind.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/daily-prompt/
http://lindaswritingblog.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/miss-independence/
http://vexingpoint.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/daily-prompt-calling-uncle-bob/
http://dragoneystory.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/dp-uncle-bob-o-o/
At the end of the day there is no sorting hat: But Love and a greater good shall guide me
http://movingtowardsthelight.com/2014/11/25/convent-chicks-rock/
Uncle Bobby contacting my dad
http://notalentforcertainty.com/2014/11/25/aunt-diane/
http://kretschmannland.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/speaking-for-yourself/
http://littlemanofthehouse.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/i-can-do-it-myself/
http://thatsmyanswer.com/2014/11/25/daily-prompt-from-wordpress-easy-fix/
Scar Gazing
http://yzhengblog.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/the-toughest-decision-of-a-lifetime/
http://509majesty.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/sword-of-damocles-borrowing-money/
Pushing It Hard, Why wait for Uncle Bob?
http://namelessspaces.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/band-aid/
http://parkinkspot.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/calling-dr-bombay-emergency-come-right-away/
http://pinoyteacherabroad.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/when-times-get-tough/
Calling Uncle Bob
http://quotidianrevisions.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/forget-uncle-bob-call-momma-2/
http://ungiornonellavita.com/2014/11/25/daily-prompt-calling-uncle-bob/
http://marthakennedy.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/vito-i-tole-you/
http://livingonchi.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/daily-prompt-uncle-bob-is-a-sweetheart/
http://www.kansamuse.com/2014/11/when-life-gives-you-too-many-choices/
http://smalltowngirlsmidnighttrains.com/2014/11/25/ask-and-you-shall-receive/
http://lifeisgreat0.com/2014/11/25/the-note/
UNCLE WHO?
Daily Prompt: Calling Uncle Bob – and Uncle Jim, Uncle Harry and Uncle Arthur
http://jfirefox10031974.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/hindsight/
Uncle Bob by Default, It’s Me
http://ripplesnreflectiontimes.wordpress.com/2014/11/15/achievement-weekly-photo-challenge/
http://shazzameena.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/in-need-of-soup-and-diplomacy-with-marcella-79-80-of-466/
http://tokillamimingbird.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/freshie-memories/
http://foto.rudenius.se/2014/11/be-a-role-model-like/
http://lordofsick.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/called-god-in-difficult-situation-and-he-helped/
http://djgarcia94.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/bibleman/
http://tokillamimingbird.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/proverbial/
http://traversinglines.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/id-gladly-let-you-know/
http://ripplesnreflectiontimes.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/1005/
Calling Uncle Bob: Unfix easy
Duck, Duck, Use
http://nelkumi.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/who-do-i-call/
http://mjamesjackson.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/my-uncle-bob-is-too-far-away/
http://fibercompulsion.com/2014/11/25/uh-did-i-say-that/
http://warriorfreya.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/post-0063-daily-prompt-calling-uncle-bob/
http://plaridel.wordpress.com/2009/05/31/long-lost-relative-found/
http://www.pghlesbian.com/2014/11/what-does-it-mean-to-amplify/
http://emotionalfitnesstraining.com/2014/11/25/how-to-overcome-perfectionism/
http://dragoneystory.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/random-thought-to-todays-prompt/
http://psibrone.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/help/
http://myleviathan.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/calling-uncle-bob/
http://sincerelyloewe.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/part-xv-the-boy-with-the-golden-feathers/
http://thegadabouttown.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/gratitude-week/
http://willowscottling.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/bobs-your-uncle/
http://whenmybrainfarts.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/i-tried-i-didnt-quite-conquer/
http://pigeoneyeball.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/uncle-bob-no-one-of-that-name-lives-here-sir/
http://tylershepard1991.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/asking-for-help-vs-asking-for-advice/
http://juliepowell2014.wordpress.com/2014/11/26/standing-on-my-own-two-feet/
http://jackiesworldtravel.com/2014/11/25/cesky-krumlov/
http://rojo1990dotcom.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/a-little-bit-of-help-please/
http://strikeforceshooting.wordpress.com/2014/11/26/sucking-it-up-and-drive-on/

(Lack of) Equality


( Unequal Terms

Did you know today is Blog Action Day? Join bloggers from around the world and write a post about what inequality means to you. Have you ever encountered it in your daily life?

(Don’t forget to tag your post with “Inequality” — or #inequality on Twitter — so that other participants might find it.))

Recently I was accused of being libidinous and lacking any sense of propriety and mannerisms when talking to women in general. Though insulting in every sense possible, I concede that the accusation may hold some merit.

Most of my jibes do run along some lines which women in general may take as insolences, they forget to notice some mannerisms that guide me. And if I may, I’ll probably say that it is the women who accuse me of imprudence are in fact using gender as an excuse to protect themselves from my pokes.

After all it is the same girl who would not think a second before poking my patience. Where does the shield of ‘Being A Girl’ disappear then? And where does the equality lie?

I hate it, when girls(Not going to call them women for their immaturity) decide to use their gender as a means to win argument. More often than not, I have heard them say ‘I am a women and you will talk this way to me?!’ Or something of that order. But that same girl wouldn’t hesitate a second before crossing the same metaphorical lines for another person. So why use their gender to hide behind, when you can very well use individuality as a means to win an argument.

In short what I mean is that (some) girls more often than not think that they can get away with anything uttered or done simply because of their gender. But their same ideology vanishes into smoke when they should practice it.

The apparent hypocrisy of these individuals and their claims of being morally and ethically sound are what infuriates me. And then they decide that they are the perfect judges of your character.

How many times have you encountered a girl(or a guy) who wouldn’t give a second’s thought before that person starts bitching? And you could bet that the next sentence uttered will be along the lines of ‘I don’t like bitching, I’m not her’

It is asinine to be advocate of feminism and yet not understand that it encumbers no special preference to being a female.

I am not against the idea that certain reverence has to be given to females. Not because of their gender but because of their circumstances.

I should curb my ranting for now, I won’t be able to stop. After all I son want good amount of views and feedback on my post.

The very concept of equality is ideal at best. There couldn’t be equality among the gender because its prevalent to have chivalry and mannerism specific to a gender. And that is just the beneficial aspects of inequality. For women of course.

I treat people equally. Regardless of your gender or your sexual orientation you could expect me to.
treat you like I treat everyone else(I pass verbal jibes and pokes at everyone). There is your equality and that is possibly the best you could get from me.

Your gender doesn’t define you, its your abilities and choices that do. So possibly stop hiding behind the Being A Woman remark and face the world for what it is. Its hard, and it has nothing to do with you being a woman. We live in twenty first century, and in urban areas of Mumbai. You are not going to find any better place for gender equality in India(I think so).

FYI post is directed at a certain generic girls, not at females in general. I have had the pleasure of having great friends who are as open minded as they can get.

Thanks For Reading
Itsmayurremember

Let’s see what others have written:
http://tuckedintoacorner.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/inequality/
http://abozdar.wordpress.com/2014/10/15/cries-of-the-first-trillionaire-of-the-lost-planet/
http://abozdar.wordpress.com/2014/10/15/purity/
Unequal Terms: Inequality
Unequal Terms – The Daily Post.
Unequal Terms
http://guthonestfaith.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/brilliant/
http://tombalistreri.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/unequal-thanks/
http://agirllikemee.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/not-at-par-with-each-other/
Equality
http://lindaswritingblog.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/equality/
http://designersophisticate.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/no-one-can-make-you-feel-inferior-without-your-consent-eleanor-roosevelt/
http://starfor52.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/inequality-blog-action-day/
http://youaintspecial.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/nope-never/
http://suestrifles.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/blog-action-day-2014-mental-vs-physical-health/
Unequal Terms …
http://charlafarmington.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/inequality/
http://sayadpoet.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/inequality/
http://grieflessons.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/so-what-am-i-chopped-liver/
http://namelessspaces.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/woman-to-woman/
tantalising
http://marthakennedy.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/inequality-is-the-law-of-nature/
http://hoangmkvu.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/unequal-ground/
http://awakeanddreaming.org/unequal-terms/
Unequal Terms
http://fibercompulsion.com/2014/10/16/inequality/
http://theyyouandme.wordpress.com/2014/10/15/feminism-or-sexism/
http://fcmiller3.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/inequality/
Life is not fair, but it need not be filled with inequality
http://randomactsofsnark.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/unequal-terms/
http://joantatley.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/my-two-cents/
http://alotfromlydia.wordpress.com/2014/03/24/work-is-a-four-letter-word/
FAR FROM EQUAL
http://katherinewebber.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/unequal-terms/
http://thewindroseblog.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/daily-prompt/
http://anupturnedsoul.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/connecting-the-dots-some-thoughts-on-criticism-empathy-blogging-and-being-human/
http://liveoutloudandproud.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/lifes-not-fair/
http://noemptywords.net/2014/10/16/the-layers-of-inequality/
http://alotfromlydia.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/the-haves-and-have-nots/
http://www.prayersandpromises.org/7-reasons-to-let-go/
http://raspberrydaydreams.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/inequality/
Daily Prompt: Unequal Terms – That’s life unfortunately.
http://deepmarvel.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/conscription/
http://carlosxcunha.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/my-neighbor-wants-me-in-prison-because-i-hate-coons/
http://mojowritin.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/the-deepest-hours-part-two/
http://scienceinpolitics.com/2014/10/16/misallocated-billions/
Man in the Mirror
http://vexingpoint.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/daily-prompt-unequal-terms/
http://unravel286.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/the-daily-prompt-3/
http://lifeisgreat0.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/unequal-terms/
http://randomscores.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/unequal-terms/
http://apparentlyanna.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/blog-action-day-why-i-fight-inequality/
http://yzhengblog.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/unequal-opportunity-employer/
http://vagariousvoyage.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/insult-with-a-smile/
Marriage Equality
http://notapunkrocker.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/give-it-time/
http://aliceandeve.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/unequal-perspective-privilege/
http://secretmuhajaba.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/unequal-terms/
http://flowersandbreezes.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/unequal-terms/
http://l5gn.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/butch-geek/
http://girlinagameworld.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/inequality-in-the-gaming-world-sucks/
http://foreignforeigner.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/equally-yoked-as-humans/
http://risingrave28.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/on-inequality-and-social-mobility-short-notes/
http://carolinethroup.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/every-child-matters/
http://pippakinclawz.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/daily-post-blog-action-day/
http://insach21site.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/unequal-terms/
http://megselizabeth86.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/you-are-not-entitled/
http://whenmybrainfarts.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/i-didnt-ask-for-this/
http://ambikarani.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/unequal-terms/
http://bbnest.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/equality-isnt-fair/
http://imanikingblog.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/inequality/
The Importance of Educating Girls
http://terriwebsterschrandt.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/the-inequality-of-leaning-out/
http://yellowstonewords.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/gray-wolf-talks-inequality/
http://macbofisbil.com/2014/10/16/in-a-prison/
http://cartervail.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/inequality/
http://thegadabouttown.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/inequality-for-no-one/
http://ungiornonellavita.com/2014/10/16/what-does-ocd-mean-to-me/
What Inequality Has Meant to Me
http://moosha23.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/unequal-terms/
My Perception
http://www.pghlesbian.com/2014/10/pa-state-house-candidate-throws-down-the-anti-trans-card/
http://thescaredone.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/77/
http://impossiblebebong.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/you-talkin-to-me/
http://normashilpi.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/treated-with-cucumber/
http://redswrap.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/the-reflex-of-deference/
http://emo1956.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/inequality-and-the-state-pension-a-personal-view/
http://kosheradobo.com/2014/07/29/colorism-in-the-philippines-youre-not-white-enough/
http://allthingscuteandbeautiful.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/daily-prompt-being-inequal/
http://livelovelaughdancepray.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/unequal-terms-the-daily-post-inequality/
http://endeavoury.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/unequal-terms/
http://tidlidim.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/daily-prompt-unequal-terms/
http://joatmon14.com/2014/10/16/perspective-of-inequality/
Who says you can’t do that?
http://www.inspiringmax.com/what-about-me/
Inequality: When the guys get all puffy
http://wtfaioa.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/443/
http://finaletoanentrance.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/unequal/
http://livinglearningandlettinggo.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/experiences-of-inequality/
http://spadethought.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/we-deserve-equality/
http://slimcrescentmoon.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/shout-if-you-have-to
http://barbarapyett.wordpress.com/2014/10/17/httpdailypost-wordpress-comdp_promptunequal-terms/
http://kaoutarchahbane.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/inequality-can-we-stop-it/
http://chasinglifeandfindingdreams.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/inequality-hits-us-all-even-if-you-dont-realize-it/
http://maggiecarlise.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/unequal-terms/
http://conqueringanthropophobia.wordpress.com/2014/10/17/the-equality-complex/
http://www.deliberatingdave.com/created-equal/
http://jaynesdailypost.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/unequal-terms/
My Suffragist Grandmother
http://basicallybeyondbasic.com/2014/10/16/daily-prompt-unequal-terms/
http://1874firstimpressionistexhibition.wordpress.com/2014/10/17/unequal-terms/
http://caliten.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/brony/
http://thejournalofabeautifulmind.wordpress.com/2014/10/17/different-yes-its-one-of-my-assets-daily-prompt/
http://focalbreeze.wordpress.com/2014/10/17/wont-back-down/
http://grrrrrrl.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/notes-on-inequality/
http://testmecards.wordpress.com/2014/10/17/blog-action-day-2014-inequality/
http://ritalnielsen.com/mind-the-gap/

You Did it!!


I should be angry. Disappointed. Maybe even depressed somewhat.

I honestly expected myself to be. For what I got. I got less than what I got the last term. But I’m not.

I’m surprised at this too!

In fact I feel relaxed and tranquil. A month long trepidation and suspense is over. I finally now have my grades.

And as I sit in train, writing this post with a huge grin on my face I can see fellow commuters looking at me as if I have gone mad.

I’m happy. I don’t feel even a speck of disappointment. And it gets better.

My friends got such nice grades!

The friend who I study with, who put in so much efforts into this exams, has got so good. She stands just beside me on the scores. Another friend who I have always competed in grades has the same grades as I do. She just told me a couple of days ago she wanted such grades. She got it. My best friend scored more than me! Such meteoric progress! That bastard!!

In fact, all of the class got better. All of them deserve a full hearted cordial congrats!

I was always the competitive type. I always said, I’ll get more marks next time. Never liked being outstripped. Always a race.

Today isn’t one of those days. Today I find myself so happy for their feats. They did it. They deserved it. I’m not gonna go the next day and say to them ‘I’ll get more the next exam!’. In fact I won’t mind the next time they get more.

Never thought I’ll be so glad to see others achieve more.

It felt so good to achieve something last term!. It feels a thousand times better when all those who I call friends achieve what they want and more.

Maybe I’m learning what friendship is finally.

Congrats to all my classmates who are reading this!

Thanks For Reading
Itsmayurremember

Unexpected Burdens


Daily prompt

(Unsafe Containers

Which emotion(s) — joy, envy, rage, pity, or something else — do you find to be the hardest to contain?)

First:  Thank you, the authors of daily prompts. Somehow you know exactly what I am feeling and you give me an opportunity to share it.

I feel lost. Every direction beckons me, and every direction repels me. I feel like walking down the road where the destination is unknown.

What am I doing I don’t know. Why am I doing them I don’t know either. I am just ‘going with the flow’.

What makes me feel this way? I have my exams going on. And they aren’t going well.

Last exam I scored way better than I expected. Probably the only time I outdid my expectations. And while the ephemeral blithe lasted, I realized that now  the stakes have risen. I CAN’T get any lesser than that, and I have to get better this time.

I know what people will say. ‘You did it last time, be happy’, ‘Come on you are a scholar, you can do it’, and the favourite of theirs ‘Don’t lie dude’

Well I am not lying. No I can’t lie now. Partly I blame this blog because after being so blunt and honest it is quite difficult to go and lie pretend. But I am saying this honestly, I was more tensed this time, during this exam than most of exams.

I know it is stupid. I know I made a big deal of them this time, when I should have just relaxed and prepared like every other exam. I couldn’t.

So if any of you reader ever meets any ‘nerd’ or ‘scholar’ and that person happens to say he is tensed, I ask of you to refrain yourself from commenting stupid things if you don’t believe him. Because, although I don’t know the tension and pressure of giving a reexam after failing, you don’t know the pressure of repeating your best performance, let alone beating your best.

And because of this I can say, things didn’t go smoothly. I messed up more than one paper. Overconfidence, ego and pride took their shares. And now I am left with only two papers this time.

I don’t think I’ll come close to my goal this time. I don’t believe I will. Four out of six papers weren’t up to the mark. And now I am tired. The pressure is gone because I know that I have lost my chance. And I am left wondering whether I should try my best. Whether it is still worth giving my best.

This is just a question whose answer I know. I am still giving my best. I have to, no choice. And that makes it more disappointing because I know it isn’t enough. No matter how many sleepless nights I spend now is not enough.

I am not enough.

And now as I took a small hiatus from my studies I realized that this is how I always felt. No matter how many feats I accomplished, no matter how much I know, or how much knowledge I attain, I am still not going to feel it is enough.

It will never be up to the mark. I will always feel like there was something more I could do. And then the cycle of self blame and criticism begins.

image

And trust me I know how bad this kind of thinking is. It doesn’t help. It just leads down a bottomless dark chasm on whose fringes I have always walked.
And considering the novel I last read I already know the answer to that.

From Stephan R Donaldson’s Fatal Revenant:

When all hope was gone, they heeded the counsels of despair. Had they continued to strive, defying their doom, some unforseen wonder might have occurred. And if it did not, still their glory would have surpassed their failure.

So here’s the answer daily prompt. I can’t shut up when I am upset. When I am low. I choose to sequester myself at these times. And I know I am not gonna change. Something I have to learn to change.

Let’s see what others have written.
Wedding in Four Points by Sheraton, Dubai – Shama & Shahid
http://jcm3blog.wordpress.com/2014/06/04/thoughts-on-bottled-up-emotions/
http://throtherye.wordpress.com/2014/06/04/the-least-containable-emotion-i-have-found-to-not-even-be-an-emotion/
Knowing when to Quit
http://lovehappynotes.com/2014/05/23/congratulations-youve-left-your-comfort-zone/
http://lovehappynotes.com/2014/05/31/smudged/
It’s up to you
http://thelifeillusion.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/say-anything/
http://purvakalra5.wordpress.com/2014/06/04/uncontained-happiness/
http://asqueezeofbliss.wordpress.com/2014/06/04/being-animated/
http://cabinpressuremaychange.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/daily-prompt-no-footholds-here/
http://katalizilo.wordpress.com/2014/06/04/i-am-volatile/
http://basicallybeyondbasic.com/2014/06/03/daily-prompt-unsafe-containers/
http://jaynesdailypost.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/unsafe-containers/
WordPress Prompt: Unsafe Containers
http://nanasgotablog.com/2014/06/03/rage-tangles-homelessness/
http://djgarcia94.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/rage-in-a-can/
http://writingpromptsfordailywriting.wordpress.com/2014/06/04/is-it-safe/
http://lettersfromlinz.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/containing-emotion/
http://bylrose.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/no-holds-barred/
http://destinationkarma.wordpress.com/2014/06/04/grasping-at-joy/
Daily Post: The Rage to Live!
http://glenn2point0.wordpress.com/2014/06/04/life-119-daily-prompt-hard-to-control-emotions/
Unsafe Containers: Daily Prompt
http://goinroguedotnet.com/2014/06/03/unsafe-containers/
http://ilenelocke.wordpress.com/2014/06/04/writing-101-cracked-vessel/
http://herestill.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/daily-prompt-which-emotion-do-you-find-hardest-to-contain/
http://typosandterseness.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/irritation-on-the-mat-daily-prompt-3/
http://mydeliblog.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/what-i-cant-contain/
http://littlemotivations.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/unsafe-containers-the-damp-squib-effect/
Too Many Faces
http://anotherboomerblog.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/unsafe-containers/
http://borderlinepersonalitybliss.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/the-unsafe-container-of-emotions/
http://www.pghlesbian.com/2014/06/pittsburgh-dyke-and-trans-march-set-for-sat-june-21-in-bloomfield/
http://margaretrosestringer.com/2014/06/04/daily-prompt-unsafe-containers/
http://ullisinstamoments.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/croc-skull-in-a-container/
A Lid on My Emotions
Cache Me If You Can
http://insach21site.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/unsafe-containers/
http://lenzexperiments.wordpress.com/2014/06/04/wpc-split-second-story/
http://nalaikpanda.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/unsafe-containers/
http://advocateofentropy.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/living-with-social-dysfunction/
http://professoradrstilettorockstar.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/770/
http://randomlyrandomthoughts365.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/unsafe-containers/
http://srollinson7.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/masking-my-emotions/
http://melissaholden.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/unsafe-containers-hard-to-contain-emotions/
http://grieflessons.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/the-daily-post-envy/
http://rebeccaraelyn.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/glass-case-of-emotion/
http://pippakinclawz.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/httpdailypost-wordpress-comdp_promptunsafe-containers/
http://thecowboyslady.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/uncontained/
http://learningneverstops.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/unsafe-container-for-happiness/
http://blueyesterday.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/your-place-setting-is-gone/
http://flowersandbreezes.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/joy-and-anger/
http://naziyahmahmood.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/best-thing-to-wear-is-that-smile/
http://usedstamp.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/cant-let-anyone-know-i-am-one-crazy-b-bean/
http://www.comingoutblack.com/stubborn-pride/
Daily Prompt: Unsafe Containers or how I cope with life’s small problems
http://focalbreeze.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/time-bomb/
http://www.prayersandpromises.org/seeds-of-hope-for-your-disappointments/
http://bohemianstargypsy.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/224/
http://spiritgrind.com/2014/06/03/chamber-music/
http://rainswritingrealm.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/im-like-a-cannon/
http://cockatooscreeching.wordpress.com/2014/06/04/the-unsafe-containment-of-anxiousness/
http://diannethornton.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/daily-writing-prompt-2-unsafe-containers/
http://marthakennedy.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/dont-let-fire-rush-to-your-head/
http://lifeisgreat0.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/joy-and-sadness/
http://torschlusspanic.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/unsafe-containers/
http://themisfitscloset.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/unsafe-containers-grief/
http://eastelmhurstagogo.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/i-see-the-voice-of-rage-and-ruin/
http://legelcas.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/aint-it-obvious/
http://tyrocharm.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/got-apprehension/
http://robertjepson.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/emotions/
http://photoartistrycafe.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/containment-of-self-confidence/
http://worldwidesoulmate.wordpress.com/2014/06/04/unsafe-containers-please-dont-hurt-me/
http://meaningunfolding.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/the-daily-post-unsafe-containers-anger/
Unsafe Containers – Schoolroom vignette
http://allthingscuteandbeautiful.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/daily-prompt-being-emotional/
Motivating Your Characters: Emotions
http://jandelaforce.wordpress.com/2014/06/04/cant-keep-joy/
http://outlookoutlet.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/this-masquerading-host/
http://whoison1st.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/unsafe-containers/
http://aimanpeer.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/i-dont-have-a-container/
http://awakeanddreaming.org/unsafe-containers/
http://idleandboredtwo.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/let-it-all-out/
http://sefertj.com/2014/06/03/unsafe-containers/
http://shameport.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/620/
http://weedytan.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/anger/
http://abozdar.wordpress.com/2014/06/02/3235/
http://abozdar.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/eternal/
http://reneeandherthoughts.com/2014/06/03/unsafe-containers/
http://agent909.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/unsafe-containers-feeling-happiness-overloaded/
RAGE AT THE DYING OF THE LIGHT
http://keyboardpizza.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/unsafe-containers/
http://ahillbillyblogger.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/unsafe-containers-anger/
http://kansamuse.me/2014/06/03/before-it-controls-you/
Green-Eyed Monster: Daily Post
http://prideinmadness.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/the-daily-post-unsafe-containers/
http://activearmywife.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/emotions-anticipation/
http://fibercompulsion.com/2014/06/03/unsafe-container-for-depression/
http://grver.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/unsafe-containers-daily-prompt/
http://purplesus.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/unsafe-containers/
http://alviewaterslife.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/red/
http://abimazumdar1.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/daily-prompt-rage-rage-rage/
http://agirllikemee.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/my-unsafe-container/
http://sincerelyherz.wordpress.com/2014/04/28/envy-an-original-poem/
http://jitterygt.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/11752/
http://journey2dfuture.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/daily-prompt-day2-unsafe-containers/
http://dragoneystory.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/true-strength/
http://mcswhispers.wordpress.com/2014/01/30/goosfraba/
http://dragoneystory.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/daily-prompt-containers/
http://tuckedintoacorner.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/one-deadly-sin/
http://itsmatthewburgos.wordpress.com/2014/06/03/wont-let-it-daily-prompt/

Thanks For Reading
Itsmayurremember