Gone Too Soon


Friday night was not just a party for some of my friends. It was a night to honor a good friend of theirs who sadly passed away.

Early this week, I saw a friend’s post on facebook remembering his friend, Jérémy, a young university student. Jérémy had passed away tragically with cardiac arrest. I was in shock, cause Jérémy was young, very young for cardiac arrest, too young for dying.

I never knew Jérémy.

Jérémy’s funeral was on Thursday. Friday night, two of my friends invited me out. These two were from a different circle of friends from the one mentioned above. I didn’t know that they had been to Jérémy’s funeral. As I got into their car, they handed me a bottle of liquor, asking me to sip in the memory of their friend.

I sipped and said To Jérémy. There was a seconds’ silence where I was afraid that I had said something I shouldn’t have. Then the conversation resumed.

The entire night, regardless of how great the pub music was, a tight sadness gripped the two and rightly so. I tried to imagine what they must be feeling like and I hoped they were alright. I asked how are they holding up and they said they are okay. Everyone always says they are okay, even when they probably aren’t.

They told me tales about Jérémy. They were talking about how great Jeremy was with his studies, how he was the first one to always finish up all the assignments and the preparations for the exams. How he was meticulously preparing for the triathlon. One of them suddenly got overwhelmed when talking about Jérémy.

They both shared a small laugh on how Jérémy was always ready to go out with them on Friday night.

‘If I call Jérémy now, he would be like let’s go.’

Then we toasted the third time in his name.

I couldn’t bring myself to ask how they were feeling anymore. They were grieving so I let them do it the way they wanted to. I tried to stand in their shoes and think about losing any of my friend.

How the friend’s contact will turn to a meaningless number where no one would answer or even worse turn into a hurtful reminder. I thought about the difference between ‘Somebody I don’t talk to anymore’ and ‘Somebody I can’t talk to anymore’.

I didn’t know Jérémy. But from what everyone said about him, I would have enjoyed his company.

To Jérémy, Gone too soon.

A year in AUT


A year ago, I was in Mumbai working 9 hours a day and secretly trying to get my visa sanctioned. I had kept my Masters’ plans secret from my colleagues. I would frequently call my brother whenever I needed some advice about my visa or about my job.

No one really tells you how hard it is to live away from your family. It is harder still to live without home-cooked food. It is hardest when there is no dog happily running around when I return home. I have weird priorities.

My friends from India do not share the same time with me. They are lagging behind 8 hours. If I need advice from my friends, I would get a reply from them 4 hours after my message. One of my friends moved to Germany now which lags behind 12 hours so basically I would wake up when she sleeps. I slowly stopped asking for advice and used my instincts. If I am confused, I toss a coin to decide.

I cannot summarize the last 9 university months in one sentence. In fact, I have been writing this post for the last 2 weeks and every draft I wrote was unsatisfactory. My drafts were mechanical, emotionless and not me. I had to sit and shovel the feelings out of my chest so my feelings can guide the words flow into this post. I should thank one of my university staff for that shovel.

I am competing for an award in my university. The final step to submit my award application is a personal essay to the university staff member. I have to write an essay about my feelings. It ought to be easy considering I have a personal blog right?

When I started in university, I was fresh off a content writing position in India. I was trying to transition back to engineering again. I saw my university’s monthly magazine and I said to my friend “I will submit an article in here”. I never submitted any article and forgot about it. In October I read the year’s final magazine again. I regretted never submitting any article.

I was also happy that I did not submit any article, I was no longer a content writer. My writings were academic focused and maybe no longer suited for magazines. My transition was complete.

Regarding my award application, all my essay drafts were sent back for revisions. She said my essays did not have feelings, they were similar to academic writings. She made me stop and think, think carefully about what my university months meant to me. Without her push, this post would have stayed in my drafts.

I did a lot of things in my university. I don’t want to list them, I want to relive them as I write the words here. I don’t know when I will resume my university for Ph.D. yet. At the moment, the nine months of university is what I have for certain.

I lived in two different houses while I studied. I loved both of the houses for different reasons. One house was near to sea face and my current house allows me to bike to my university. I made some great friends in my previous house, one of them recently sent me a postcard. The simple 3 lines on the postcard gave me immense happiness. I have to send her a postcard back soon.

I can’t talk about the AUT Debating Society enough. They took me along with them to my first roadtrip to Hamilton. I enjoyed the debating weekend getaway, the location and it took some time but I loved the people I met. On regular university days, every Tuesday I would be debating with them, making arguments and high-fiving my teammates. The funniest thing I have ever heard my teammate say during a debate was ‘Spiritual Porn’. The argument used will always be funny.

Recently, I volunteered for a medical technology event. It was not my first volunteering and it will not be my last. During the volunteering, I felt a surge of pride when people appreciated the exhibits. I should have clicked photos of kids reacting to the exhibits. The kids had a curiosity which made them keep exploring. The event was exhilarating and it gave me an excuse to cycle along the waterfront. I was as excited about these things as a 8 year old would be.

I got lost on so many days here. If I don’t have my phone then without maps I would also be geographically lost. I kept looking for a replacement home. I understand my immense involvement in a church now. They are a bunch of great people but with time I realized that I don’t really belong with them. I was trying too hard. Luckily, I found a good replacement home. A entire community of people who want to do good, and they accepted me into their homes with open arms. They called me ‘fam’, family for short. I can’t wait for their wedding in December.

It is not easy to live in a new country. It is easier to stay with other Indians because it is familiar and comfortable. I never fit in with them either. So I never waited for anyone. I wanted to watch a movie, I watched it. I wanted to eat a pizza, I ate it. I wanted to go to a party, I went. I never waited for anyone, I couldn’t possibly call my best friends from India here.

The year in Auckland, 9 months with AUT was a promiscuous mixture. Some days I went outside the house with ambition, some days I just closed my eyes and slept again. The 9 months are no less symbolic than childbirth for me. I feel independent, optimistic and ready for whatever comes my way and I have come a long way from where I started.

Fiction: Burying my companions secrets


I am killing some zombies on my PlayZ console. The console and the game are really ancient at this point and I have mastered the game by now. But it is still crazy. I want to buy some new game, maybe military FPS this time but my mom wouldn’t give me any money. What’s the point of earning so much money if no one enjoys it?!

To make it worse my damn WiFi is down. Some construction work at the end of the street and now no one has any network. It’s like living in the freaking apocalypse only without any zombies to kill. I get a call from Adam.

“Hey buddy what are you doing?” He asks loudly on the phone in his cocky English accent. I hate it when he calls me and talks like that. He knows it.

“What do you want?” I snap at him, angry about the interruption and accent.

“Haha” he jibes on the phone, perfectly aware that I hate his accent. No wonder we are best friends.

“Alright I’ll speak. If you are not free then it’s cool but if you are free then can you come over and help me bury a body?”

Damn! He did it again. I want to shout on the phone, throw my phone away in anger. But it won’t matter to him. I know him too well.

“Okay cool I’ll be there in 10.”

I never could say no to my friends. And zombies are getting kind of boring anyway.


 

We are outside Adam’s house, in the backyard with only moonlight to help guide us. It is drizzling and in five minutes my clothes are damp from sweat and rain. If our moms found out that we are outside instead of studying then she would kill us. She will never find out though.

When I arrived at his place we exchanged pleasantries and quickly got to work. I haven’t removed the cloth covering the body yet but I can see blood spreading around what I assume is the head.

Headshot then. Damn impressive on my friend’s part. But I will not tell him that, instead I need to beat some sense into his head. We buried a body last week, ten feet from where we are standing. The grave is closer to the tree and he joked about how the tree will get more minerals now. Asshole. I am trying to frame an argument to persuade him to be more cautious in his hobby but so far I have got nothing. So I just dig, both our shovels hitting the ground and prying the soil loose. Crunch, crunch. The sound of the shovels in sync. After another ten minutes we are done.

I stand up straight, my left hand holding the shovel while my right wipes the water from my forehead. I look over at Adam, he was looking at the body and I could see a smile on his face Then he looks over at me and I can see his eyes glittering. If anyone would look at him no one will be able to guess that he killed two people in two weeks. He was small, slightly round and stood with his legs pressed together. His milk white skin was beading with water but he didn’t mind. I have to try something.

“Headshot?” I ask.

“Hell yeah!” He can’t keep his excitement out of his voice. “Oh you should have seen me buddy, I was so good. I hid behind a …”

“You idiot! What if someone had seen you? What about witnesses?” My anger is going to pour out like a fountain now.

“No witnesses, and I learned how to find a good spot. You must know it by now too.” He stops and waits, but I don’t know what he is talking about.

“The new PlayZ! This time we kill zombies and humans. They can’t keep putting us against zombies all the time can they? In the series, there is zombies outside the city which is barricaded. We have to go outside in the day to kill zombies and in the night eliminate the opponents. However if we mess up and get caught game over!”

He says expecting a praise. I don’t give him one. I guess he is right. But that doesn’t change anything, and I just need to get it out of my mouth.

“Allison Martin, George Washington, Philip Mathews. Do you remember those names? They were all over the news recently, for the exact same thing. They killed and they were caught! The characters in the games and real life are different. People and cops think buddy. You can’t keep killing people in the same manner as you kill them in the game! They will catch you!”

I turn towards the body, ready to throw it in the grave. I hear him move a little, the sound of leaves rustling underneath his feet alert me. But not nearly as early enough.

“Not if there are no witnesses.”

I hear the click of the gun…….

 


 

NOTE: All characters are fictitious and any character name mentioned is purely coincidental. In response to Daily Prompt’s ‘Companion‘ and Clever Fiction’s ‘Choose your scenario: If your buddy asks your help to bury a body

Other responses:

 

Transit Friends


That is what I call them.

When I moved to Auckland, I had a plan. Live temporarily in this place while I look for a good apartment near my university. Call it my incompetence to get a good apartment near to my university, or the fact that I loved my area so much that I never moved.

I was supposed to get a good place, but I didn’t want to leave a better place either.

The people I met here are a special highlight. Not all of them are great, many like me are introverted. When the conversations start though, they were a unique experience.

They are all travellers. None of them are talking about the money they have, or the wild experiences they had. It’s simple, none are trying to impress anyone.

When I moved in, there were a couple of people living here already. These travellers are way past their studying years and now are making a living on the go. They travel, earn money and then travel some more. The cycle is repeated till I don’t know when, I never asked. They had fascinating tales, even better passports which could very well be out of a travelogue or self help book.

In my first week I met 4 Brits who were staying over for a weekend. Real cool guys, and as luck would have it we shared a room. There was another guy in the same room and he snored. I was jetlagged and couldn’t sleep. The 4 Brits couldn’t sleep because of the snores. We all stayed awake that night talking to one another about how to shut the snoring up, what other ways a corn can be used and my personal favourite was a tale of a lodge they slept one  night and swore never to return to such a place again. I can’t remember laughing like that in a long time.

As it was my first week here, I missed my home food and had bought Indian (expensive) food in desperation. I had no hesitation to share the food.

I met a Japanese girl here. Unlike the other travellers that I keep encountering she had no clue what she was doing, what she wanted to eat and what she wanted to buy. She hung around with me for a couple of days. I am sure she would be cursing me for making her walk from one place to the other simply because I didn’t want to use the more expensive bus. She was fun in her different way. Of all the people that I met here, she is the only one who I befriended on Facebook. And now I don’t text her either.

A very generous bunch of travellers gave me their guitar. We spoke the night they arrived, tired and cranky. Crazy dudes, a quiet girlfriend of one of the guys. Possibly the friendliest bunch ever, I would love to travel with such a group. I closed up all my work as I listened to them talking about Bali, India, Australia. Where to get cheap flights from, where to party hardest and where they found peace: they knew it all. For a first time traveller like me, I can only stare in fascination at their passports with multiple immigration stamps and visas. I was spellbound. The couple were engaged but he wanted his fiancée to travel the world like he did, on her own. He said ‘I want her to experience the things I did. I don’t want her to regret it.’ He didn’t have to tell me that but he did.

They moved to the city a day later, I lost their numbers. I also knew I would never contact them. I am weird that way.

There was a couple from Poland I remember. The guy had an awesome collection of folk music that I forgot to take. They told me where to buy good white wraps from which I substitute as rotis. They told me they were interrogated at the airport when they arrived at Auckland only because they were from Poland. The girl never spoke a word.

In the last month’s Lantern festival, I went alone on the first day and on the last day I oversold the festival and took two Germans and the Japanese girl along. I just didn’t want to go alone I guess. Like everyone else the Germans were travellers too. I kept asking questions about the places they have been to, things they have done.

Not every person is great though. Sometimes I wanted to run out of the room because a roommate looked scary. I maintained my cool. A chinese family snored like tractors in the night and I slept on the couch. I didn’t complain to them when they asked me why did I sleep on the couch. The couch is also very comfortable for me.

A Czech republic girl played the most soothing version of Tears of Heaven in the night. I slept like a baby listening to that tune. A guy never stopped drinking beer.

Days turned to weeks and now it has been a month. I can’t count the number of people I have met. I don’t want to because I would have a number of people that have left the house since I moved in.

I read about this on his blog ‘Into The Mild’ but until now I never realized what he really meant. The worst part about meeting so many people is that they leave. I know the probability of ever meeting them again is extremely slim. Unless I stay at the same place and hope that the Belgian guys decide to come here again or the Japanese girl wants to travel Auckland again.

A house like this is perfect for me: I will not be depended upon anyone. I wanted that, needed it. I don’t want to be at the mercy of other people’s kindness ever again.

But that doesn’t mean that I don’t wish some of these great, funny people I met would live at the home for a little longer. For I can get out of my natural inhibitions and ask for their numbers and contact. And maybe speak to them again.

For now, I can see almost everyone I knew leaving the house this weekend. I can only sit and bid farewell because like them, I am too their in-transit friend.

Thank You Gmail


It is not easy; I knew it the moment I landed here in Auckland tugging two suitcases trying to soak in the new country and at the same time worrying about the things that I need to do. I knew that if there is one thing that I am going to miss the most about home is the ability to just call someone when I needed something.

To have a conversation without having a huge 8 hour time difference.

Now, I do the only thing I know well enough by now: I write them letters. Everyday my phone reminds me at 2 pm to send an email to my parents telling them how my previous day was. Sometimes I draft the email at 2, sometimes I don’t. The only thing that doesn’t change is my honesty. I know that they are the only ones at the moment who would like to know everything happening in my life in Auckland.

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The first email I sent was a surprise to them. Three weeks into this, I mail them everyday. My mom’s morning routine now includes an email from me the first thing in the morning.

I do leave out a certain things, like the fact that one of my Japanese roommates decided to post a video on Facebook tagging me. Now I am going to be teased for a month or more. But its all cool.

The idea is similar to ‘If we were having coffee’ which I read on Sabina’s and Jay’s blogs. I liked the idea then and now I am using it not on my blog but with my family. Gmail made it really easy.

Okay that’s it, I’m in heaven! #sunset #nofilter #harbour #auckland #dockyard #walkway #manukau #beautiful

A photo posted by Mayur Wadhwani (@mayurdw) on Feb 19, 2016 at 1:05pm PST

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I am trying to do the same thing with my friends back in India. I mail them every Sunday however I am pretty sure they will not be as enthusiastic as my parents. I don’t blame them, they have their own lives and not everyone can read hundreds of words.

I could Skype them, I did do that today. But I am not a guy who can talk. I am guy who knows how to put my thoughts into words and back them up with emotions. I tried the other way and because of the time difference it is not feasible. So now, I do what I know the best: I write letters to the ones I miss.

I write about the Lantern festival in Auckland, I write about the marina near my house. I write about the food that I made and about the food that was not so good. I can’t call them every time I need some help but I can surely remember where I came from; why I am here.

When you miss home, you make pav Bhaji (without the pav of course) #foodporn #pavbhaji #homesick #indian #auckland

A photo posted by Mayur Wadhwani (@mayurdw) on Feb 26, 2016 at 6:16pm PST

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To Dale Carnegie and his book ‘How to win friends and influence people’


When I was in school, I remember reading about Dale Carnegie’s book ‘How to make Friends & Influence People.’ Back then I was a weird kid; I still am weird guy. I could never fit in amongst people; I did not have any friends so naturally I wanted to read it.

When I eventually got my hands in the book, I read it slowly, methodically, trying to soak in everything in the book. I read the companion piece and I read the book again. Now, five years after reading the book, sometimes I glance through it. I try to remember the lessons and techniques the book taught me. I try to perceive solutions of perplexing issues or people I encounter. However, today I understood it does not talk about a certain kind of people: assholes

What Dale Carnegie and his ’How to win friends and influence people’ made me believe?

It made me believe that the world is full of people like me. People who are often misunderstood, they are grumpy and they are now laconic. I genuinely thought that the book made everything simpler. Like a proper recipe, the book opened a new doorway for me: socialism.

Simple: Just a bunch of techniques to follow.

In addition, ‘How to win friends and influence people’ author Dale Carnegie always said that to make the techniques work, you need to be interested in the other person. Feigning interest will not work. Even then, I was interested in finding out what is happening in the other person’s life.

I wanted to know the other person.

What the ‘How to win friends and influence people’ didn’t tell me

I don’t think Dale Carnegie deliberately forgot to talk about this. He must have never come across the same assholes I have so far encountered. Maybe if he did then the book would be aptly named ‘How to win friends and influence people while staying away from assholes.’ Regardless, the techniques are not a boon with such people. They were a curse because when I got to know such people, I hated them.

Its equivalent to finding out your best friend is a criminal.

Mostly, it is their thinking that makes me nauseous. I don’t want to know about the assholes’ ‘exploits’. Neither do I want to know how did you cheat your way through your life. It is unnerving to find out that the person who I think is a great friend actually has such low opinion of everything that I value.

Before I read ‘How to win friends and influence people’ I felt the hurt of loneliness. Now, I feel a longing for that loneliness that I tried to claw my way out of. The people I tried to befriend are now the people who I should never be near to.

Dale Carnegie forgot to talk about making the wrong friends. He forgot to tell me that not ever grumpy person is like me, lonely and awkward. He forgot to tell me that grumpy person is actually someone who I should avoid.

Concluding, I’m glad I read ‘How to win friends and influence people’

Dale Carnegie may have written a novel which is no longer applicable for the current generation. But he gave me a chance to change and finally get out of hole I dug for myself. I made more mistakes than wrong friends along the way. These mistakes hurt and haunt me, but the friends that remain make me forget about it.

Voice To Words


It is 1 am and I’m typing this. It is because tomorrow morning I will not be feeling this elation.

Only an hour ago I had a Skype conversation with two blog friends. I follow them since long back and I feel like I knew personally. Only I didn’t.

I follow a lot of people, and if I’m following you I actually FOLLOW you. I read what you write even if I read it a month after you have posted it.

So when I spoke with these two, I finally did speak to them. Their 300 or more word posts had now suddenly a voice with very unexpected accents! Now I that I think about it, not really unexpected accents.

A very different experience from reading, speaking to someone. That may sound patent to anyone but only now do I realize what it actually means. You may too one day realize it when the author of the words you have been devoting your time on for years suddenly has a voice.

I don’t know if the plan I made may succeed or if we may end up doing the random shit and wasting our time. But it was fun to hear the voice of words, to listen to the accent and trying to not jump in ebullience when talking to someone for the first time.

I was surprised that the conversation even lasted half an hour. Half the time we struggled with awkward silences and figuring out what to say. But it was good, if we ever do it again we will figure out what to say.

Quitting Blogging, Missing Birthdays and all the rest


Around the time I started working, I was out of ideas, I had nothing to write anymore and even worse I was hesitant to share the things I used to share so bravely when I was back in college. Moreover, I was frantic over the fact that my blog, something that I am dabbing with my soul for so long is simply refusing to fly. So a month ago, I decided to quit blogging. That seemed like the perfect solution to things, no more blog posts and then no more stats to worry about.


In the last two months six of my friends had their birthdays. Before I had left college I had promised all of my friends I will keep in touch with them. Now almost six months later (where did the six months go!), I cannot even remember their birthdays. I missed six birthdays, I never checked birthdays on Facebook. Some of them understood, some of them cursed me playfully. Although I am never the one for partying I do intend to be there for friends especially on the big days. I couldn’t even remember my best friends birthdays.


I hated my decision to quit, but when I knew the only way for me to enjoy this again is to make sure I stop looking at the page views. I even gave a trial run of writing in my phone for a couple of days as a personal journal. It was good, that made me realize what is more important when I blog here. I ended up catching up with the bloggers who I follow and I loved what they wrote. I read and I read more than I can ever.


I called up my friends, apologized for not being there with them on their day. To my best friend I offered to buy a gift. And I never do gifts, the entire idea is highly overrated to me. But the guilt that rode me made me offer.Luckily, friend here never thought too big of it. So did all the other friends, they understood. I must have done something right by them, otherwise I have seen friendships broken with such little thought.


Another one of my blog friend quit blogging around the same time I contemplating to quit. She started blogging when I started and her blog I really enjoyed. Even though she wrote only about nonsensical things (sorry :P) I liked her blog. With her leaving this place, I felt bereavement of sorts. We are still in touch but she hardly ever blogs anymore, regardless of the fact she has a new blog.


I was afraid moreover that my own blog can be used against me. It took some will to convince myself that the only people reading this will be the ones who actually want to know what is happening in my life. My blog is going to be updated today after almost a month. Only yesterday did I realize that maybe I do have somethings to say. I will always have new things to say. I just need to stop making excuses to not write here.


I did meet my friends again. Not all of them, but with them the old familiarity returns however tarnished. I speak less with them, I speak less with everyone. I think I did make some new friends again, actual friends and not bullshit ones. I always had a plan to get my shit together so to say, only tonight I am beginning to try.

Now, as I proofread this I realize my writing is still very bad. My thoughts muddled and yet I am going to try big things like #NaNoWriMo. I have no idea how am I actually going to achieve that. Neither do I know how I will actually continue writing and how am I going to prioritize things in life. I guess I should say I am sorry for almost deleting my blog, I should say I am sorry to my friends for forgetting birthdays. But enough self-pity for a day.

Keep Me As A Friend


Yes have me as a friend. I am interested in you. I want to know about you.

I don’t expect us to be best buddies. I don’t want us to stay up till 4 am and have a profound conversation. But I will be your best friend if you need me to. I’ll stay up all night if you want me to.

I don’t have any illusions. We aren’t perfect. If you have lived this long then you will be hurt, broken and imperfect. I know it. I won’t ask you about it, you tell me when you get want to. You keep your secrets, and share if you want to. I’ll listen.

There won’t be thousands of pictures of us. There will hardly be a few. But there will be memories. There will be giggles and there will be disgust. There will definitely be tears. Because crying comes the easiest. So have whatever you want to, I’ll be there.

Call me if you have a problem. Call me if there’s a difficulty. Call me if you are eating my favorite food. Or just call me if there’s nothing to do. I’ll pick up. And I’ll either help you or just make fun of you.

Tell me about your interests. Tell me your goals and I’ll encourage you. I’ll enjoy your victories and I’ll tell you to cherish your defeats. I’ll share your passions, even if I don’t know anything about them. I’ll tag you in posts that I think will interest you. I’ll tell you about things that interest me, but I won’t coerce you into liking them. I won’t try too hard to be liked, I am just enthusiastic about lot of things. And there are too many things that can interest me.

I will not bore you with my problems. I keep them into myself and this blog. You ask me about them and I won’t lie to you, not because I’m whiny but because I respect you too much to lie. And I’ll get my shit together.

I won’t look at your color. I won’t care about your devotion neither will I be bothered about your caste. I’ll try to be the same for all. I’ll hang out with you unconcerned. I’ll guard my tongue as per your tolerance.

I’ll be a chameleon, I’ll change my behavior as per my group. I’ll be indecent and I’ll be mannered. I am not trying to fit in, I don’t have just one side, I have many. Neither do you. I won’t ask you about them. I will give you your space and expect the same in return.

And with time I’ll leave you alone. I will be attached, I’ll want you in my life but I’ll make sure I don’t need you. If we make a stronger bond then you will despise me. You will want to kill me. And that’s okay, getting close entails hatred. I can’t have things my way all the time.

So this friendship day I’ll say to you, keep me as a friend. I’ll miss out on birthdays but I will be next to you at funerals. Because that’s what friends do. They laugh and cry together.

One of best friendship posts i have read and saved in my phone:

https://endkwote.wordpress.com/2014/08/07/never-always-hardly-truly/

Inadequate


Daily Prompt:
( Green-Eyed Lady

We all get jealous from time to time — what wakes the green-eyed monster for you?)

Jealousy is relatively easy to talk about. And social networking doesn’t exactly truncate jealousy. The usual things like hanging out, missing out or not having enough money or opportunity does and make almost everyone jealous. And relationships. Definitely.

But I’m not gonna talk about jealousy.

Its not jealousy. No that’s the wrong word.

I compare my life with others. Subconsciously. Autonomously.

Recently I discovered love of having honest conversations with people. Real people. People who would open up and talk about themselves and talk about the things that matter.

And the more I do that, more stories I gather.

People and their stories are amazing. Some climbed to Everest and same people trip a lot. Some stupid people haven’t been to Marine drive even after staying in Mumbai for twenty years. Though I don’t blame them, I know the feeling. Some can’t stop talking about their hometown.

They talk about everything. Family problems. Issues with friends. Professors. And the usual suspects.

People I met on blog are no less. The stories I read here torment the heart, soothe the heart. Make me laugh and make me cry. Some fascinate and some I can’t read more than five words because well I can’t understand what’s been written.

Yesterday when talking about the most embarrassing things which happened to us, I had none. Nada. Zip.
And that’s my usual answer to many things. I have to pick my brains for a long time and most of the times my stories are so puny. So inadequate.

And that’s funny because I basically write stories for hobby! I should be able to voice a past experience as a great story shouldn’t I?

A few years ago this would depress me. Sadden me because I would have felt I haven’t achieved much. Haven’t done anything.

And this is wrong isn’t it? I am supposed to say bravo and wow to their stories ain’t I?

Maybe someday I will stop feeling inadequate when I compare myself to others. But if that happens then I won’t push myself for something new either.

Guess I don’t have the answer to that one.

Let’s see what others have written:

http://jitterygt.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/the-match-part-5-rustys-destination/
http://wangsgard.com/wellness/self-defeating-beliefs-23374/
http://bobbeck1600.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/daily-prompt-green-eyed-lady/
http://medinaque.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/daily-prompt-green-eyed-lady/
http://sabethville.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/dp-daily-prompt-green-eyed-lady/
http://purplesus.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/daily-prompt-green-eyed-lady/
http://sarahsemeniuk.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/dirty-envy/
http://tnkerr.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/daily-prompt-green-eyed-lady/
Green-Eyed Lady
http://godthroughmyeyes.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/green-eyed-lady/
http://evilqueensandcoffeebeans.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/114/
http://dailymusing57.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/daily-prompt-jealousy/
http://therivermom.com/2014/04/04/reciprocal/
http://anawnimiss.wordpress.com/2013/10/19/of-wickedness/
http://thewriteweb.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/wake-up-o-sleeping-stone/
http://mahitravel.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/daily-prompt-green-eyed-monster/
http://marthakennedy.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/2635/
http://averildean.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/aces/
http://arakawafiction.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/napowrimo-day-4-smitten/
http://marthakennedy.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/2635-greeneyed-lady/
http://jenndonneo.com/2014/04/04/daily-prompt-green-eyed-lady/
http://flowersandbreezes.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/leave-me-free/
http://zainabjavid.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/how-do-they-do-it/
Daily Prompt: Green Eyed Lady
http://lifeisgreat0.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/nonsense/
http://meanderedwanderings.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/green-all-over/
http://eastelmhurstagogo.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/im-just-a-jealous-guy/
http://elementaryverse.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/the-green-eyed-monster/
http://elementaryverse.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/green-eyed-monster/
http://myjourneyeveryday.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/daily-prompt-green-eyed-lady/
http://thatsmyanswer.com/daily-prompt-from-wordpress-hey-o-jealousy/
http://myatheistblog.com/2014/04/04/daily-prompt-green-eyed-lady/
http://hometogo232.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/daily-prompt-green-eyed-lady/
http://wisskko.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/if-i-have-to-choose-one-thing-that-makes-me-jealous/
http://www.pghlesbian.com/2014/04/im-jealous-of-chris-potters-coffee-mates/
http://tobyandtimba.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/the-difference-between-cats-and-humans-is-sleep/
http://thebohemianrockstarpresents.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/napowrimo2014-as-long-as-i-have-words-day-4/
http://agent909.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/daily-prompt-green-eyed-lady-the-path-to-freedom-and-fear/
http://allthingscuteandbeautiful.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/daily-prompt-being-jealous/
http://emotionalfitnesstraining.com/2014/04/04/me-jealous-sadly-yes/
http://hudleyflipside.org/2014/04/04/with-wild-cat-designs-comes-love-passion-and-jealousy/
http://oneeducatorsopinion.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/sometimes-my-eyes-are-just-a-little-more-green-than-usual/
http://djgarcia94.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/i-dont-always-get-jealous/
http://boundariesandedges.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/green-eyed-lady/
NaPoWriMo Day 4 Poem ~~ Jealousy
Daily Prompt: Green-Eyed Lady
http://normashilpi.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/haves-vs-have-nots/
http://tonevershutup.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/daily-prompt-green-eyed-lady/
http://lenzexperiments.wordpress.com/2014/04/05/caught-in-the-act/
http://worldruler007.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/daily-prompt-green-eyed-lady/
Green Eyed Lady
http://shardsofsilence.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/skinny-selfies/
http://gatitaoscura.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/the-game/
The Emperor’s new clothes.
http://bluejbluej.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/a-big-one/
http://thesalmonyatra.wordpress.com/2012/07/30/wise-words-steve-jobs/
http://flashinthepanwritings.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/envy/
http://theshotgungirls.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/oklahoma-rose/
http://lisadorenfest.com/2014/04/05/lovers-in-a-box/
http://sandersjames.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/green-eyed-monster/
http://rosiesmrtiepants.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/i-covet-no-more/
http://myauthoritis.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/never-jealousmuch/
http://helenmeikle.wordpress.com/2014/04/05/daily-prompt-greens-my-favourite-colour-but/
http://basicallybeyondbasic.com/2014/04/04/daily-prompt-green-eyed-lady/
http://paisleyimprint.wordpress.com/2014/04/05/short-story-green-eyed-lady/
http://viewsplash.wordpress.com/2014/04/05/green-eyed-monster/
http://balidaily.wordpress.com/2014/04/05/me-and-the-money-saver/
http://seikaiha.wordpress.com/2014/04/05/daily-prompt-green-eyed-lady/
http://sistasertraline.wordpress.com/2014/04/05/daily-prompt-green-eyed-lady-shiny-happy-people/
http://vmtranblog.wordpress.com/2014/04/06/daily-prompt-green-eyed-lady/
http://fingerlike.wordpress.com/2014/04/07/daily-prompt-green-eyed-lady/
http://manmadeoceans.wordpress.com/2014/04/07/green-eyed-lady/
http://anawnimiss.wordpress.com/2014/04/08/of-jealousy/
http://wildandfreeandme.wordpress.com/2014/04/09/green-eyed-monster/
http://fieldofthorns.wordpress.com/2014/04/09/fille-fatale/
http://wangsgard.com/post/self-defeating-beliefs-23374/
https://livingonchi.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/daily-prompt-fimb/
https://twmnk.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/zebras/
https://designersophisticate.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/was-that-sugarloafs-only-hit/
Competition revs me up: haiku and aspiration
http://clipsandsnippets.com/2015/05/08/a-double-mistake/
https://cakeandconcrete.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/concrete-cakes-dont-get-envious/
https://tombalistreri.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/jealous-guy/
https://funland5000.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/daily-prompt-green-eyed-lady/
https://monicleblog.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/envious/
https://lindaswritingblog.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/jealousy-isnt-pretty/
https://kimberlystreff10.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/green-eyed-lady/
https://jennyahlers17.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/jealousy/
DON’T COVET YOUR NEIGHBOR’S ASS
https://dragoneystory.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/known-2/
https://thelonerose.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/wishing-for-what-i-cant-have/
https://marthakennedy.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/9167/
https://standinginacorner.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/shades-of-envy/
Portia’s green-eyed lady
https://jaysnaps.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/green/
Green-Eyed Misery
https://raspberrydaydreams.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/jealous-kitty/
https://reallifeunscripted.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/crash-and-burn/
https://locolivia.wordpress.com/2015/05/09/the-lady-with-semi-green-eyes/
https://nonsmokingladybug.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/the-blue-eyed-lady/
https://yzhengblog.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/jealousy/
HE WISHED HE COULD HAVE DONE THAT!
https://vexingpoint.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/daily-prompt-green-eyed-lady/
You have it already
http://theflavoredword.com/2015/05/08/i-have-thunder-thighs-jealous/
https://debooworks.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/standing-out/
https://flowersandbreezes.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/doesnt-matter/
https://rpmas.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/i-cant-afford-resentment/
https://unbolt.wordpress.com/2015/02/16/envy/
https://theyyouandme.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/my-old-people/
Daily Prompt: Green-eyed Lady – I should not be here
https://myleviathan.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/jealousy/
https://robswritings.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/may-8-green-eyed-lady/
https://grieflessons.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/the-dance/
Daily Feline Prompt: Green-eyed Feline
https://dailymusing57.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/the-grass-isnt-always-greener/
https://waynemullane.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/daily-prompt-things-that-make-me-jealous-top-five/
http://www.bukkhead.com/blog/2015/05/08/i-a-go-with-the-flow-kinda-guy-dont-have-enough-passion-to-be-jealous/
https://awordadventure.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/green-eyed-lady-parenthood/
https://writingandreadingashobbies.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/green-eyed-lady/
http://www.inspiringmax.com/joy-not-jealousy/
https://lekhamisra.wordpress.com/2015/05/09/the-veil/
https://luckyestgirlever.wordpress.com/2015/05/09/may-8-green-eyed-lady/
https://bluejbluej.wordpress.com/2015/05/09/dandelions-and-marigolds/
https://lauzlau.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/birds-eye-view/

To The People I Met in College


(Four Stars

Write a review of your life — or the life of someone close to you — as if it were a movie or a book.)

While having lunch, someone posed the question ‘Where would we be five ten years from now?’

None of us could answer, but that got me thinking.

If the Mayur of 2011 would meet the Mayur of 2015, he would neither recognize nor believe that this is what the next four years of college would hold for him.

I was shy. Unfriendly, friendless, alone and yes scared. To come to a college that resided in a society that’s way above my normal social standards! I still remember the gooseflesh I had on the very first day, I reached college at around 7.30 am for a 8 am lecture. I met my first classmate that day.

The college magazine photoshoot took place the other day. There is my class! All of us grinning, happy for this photo of our class that we would always have(I would!)

I imagined sitting in my class/lab 306 and bantering. Laughing. Writing assignments. Cursing and laughing again. And then thought about what will we do tomorrow.

And it hit me, maybe tomorrow(literal sense) we won’t be in that lab.

And I realized that day, the college is just a step away from being ‘Present’ to being ‘Past’. That ‘I am going to college’ would soon become ‘I was going to college’. The imminent end is here.

Coming to Dadar I met a senior. Passed out last year she is looking for a new job. She hates it. She misses college. She misses the routine of college.

Okay, here it goes:

If I could sum up my college experience it’s this: The people I met here. Its my parents who pushed me to come here, my brother who supported me.

You!

The memories I shared with you all, some made digital, some forever lost in the grooves of my head.

YOU MADE ME REACH HERE!

EITHER BY SUPPORTING ME, or by enraging me.

I ate with you or most probably I ravaged your lunch.

I laughed with you. I laughed on you, you laughed on me. I teased you, you teased me back.

I sang with you, I danced with you.

I consoled you when you were down. You consoled me when I was down.

I never refused to help you when you asked, I never stopped begging for help because half the times I was helpless.

Most importantly I spoke with you. Had lengthy or transiting conversations with you. I got to know you. Glad that I got to know you.

My college is you:

EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU.

Even if I just say hi to you while walking on the stairs, I’ll remember you.

I’ll remember the one liners you spoke, I’ll remember the hi fives and the bear hugs.

I’ll remember the times I laughed so hard my stomach ached.

I’ll remember the times I got so angry on you that I wanted to just kill you.

I’ll remember the fights I had with you. I’ll remember the fights we watched happening and wished we had popcorn.

I’ll remember you.

So if a long time from now we meet, I’ll grin in recognition because you mattered.

Thank you for all the memories. Thank you for the lessons both taught wittingly and unwittingly.

I’m not good with changes, never liked goodbyes.

Maybe I’ll lose contact, but you have my email, you know me on Facebook. Contact me, I’ll reply.

I’ll be happy to.

I’ll miss this routine.

I’ll miss the familiarity.

I’ll miss you.

Thank you for the four years. I’m glad I got the experience.

While everyone keeps saying and tagging their pictures #onelasttime I would rather say #TillNextTime

Thanks For Reading
Itsmayurremember

Let’s see what others have written:

https://tulisanmaddy.wordpress.com/2015/04/21/the-review/
An Emotional Triumph
https://pokergoddess.wordpress.com/2015/04/20/best-cinematography/
https://verseherder.wordpress.com/2015/04/20/we-are-all-made-of-sawdust/
https://dragoneystory.wordpress.com/2015/04/20/path/
http://www.destinary.com/2015/04/20/beyond-the-sea/
https://nicholacmassey.wordpress.com/2015/04/20/four-stars/
https://salihinyacob.wordpress.com/2015/04/20/four-stars-for-life/
https://adarkworldinside.wordpress.com/2015/04/20/is-such-a-life-enough/
https://lauzlau.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/once-upon-a-life/
https://heleneparish.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/beyond-the-sea/
http://californiaurbanite.com/review-of-my-life/
https://helenmeikle.wordpress.com/2015/04/20/daily-prompt-lifes-a-beach/
https://avenueaesthetics.wordpress.com/2015/03/26/avenue-aesthetics-whats-new-in-esthetics-in-alberta/
http://jonathanwrogers.com/2015/04/19/a-life-and-death-story/
https://nelkumi.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/my-life-in-review/
https://kurtengel18.wordpress.com/2015/04/20/rating-without-stars/
Reflections: What Are We Feeding Our Children?
https://avenueaesthetics.wordpress.com/2015/03/30/whats-up-in-alberta-aesthetics-keeping-it-clean-and-healthy-for-all/
https://hometogo232.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/daily-post-four-stars/
FIVE PHOTOS FIVE STORIES CHALLENGE: A date with Langurs (Day 1)
https://dragoneystory.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/before-2/
http://ireland-ms.com/2015/04/19/booksireland/
http://clipsandsnippets.com/2015/04/19/review-one-beleaguered-life/
https://iseeiseesaidme.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/four-stars-is-not-enough/
https://naveenwins.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/book-review-only-for-you/
http://lifeisgreat0.com/2015/04/19/love-and-war/
NOT ANOTHER!
https://saurab275.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/the-search/
https://reallifeunscripted.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/just-underneath/
https://flowersandbreezes.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/five-stars/
https://iseeiseesaidme.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/unmentionables/
https://myleviathan.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/the-nearly-man-2/
https://shameport.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/sunday/
https://yzhengblog.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/temporary-home/
My Life : Review
https://kretschmannland.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/four-stars-why-not-five/
https://grieflessons.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/the-long-road-four-landays-napowrimo-day-19/
https://thelonerose.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/four-stars/
Daily Feline Prompt: My Feline Life
https://marthakennedy.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/love-story-opening/
https://kimaedwards.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/daily-prompt-four-stars/
https://alotfromlydia.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/a-lot-of-sweat/
https://agirllikemee.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/four-starred-review/
https://livingonchi.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/daily-prompt-the-loss/
https://inkhammer.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/sloggerhumps/
Photos and Stories behind them – The cemetery, Feldbrunnen
https://509majesty.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/could-we-get-a-rewrite/
https://sudhasarathi61.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/i-know-the-truth-but-will-defy-willingly-and-knowingly/
5 PHOTOS, 5 STORIES – SPRING CLEANING – DAY 3
https://unbolt.wordpress.com/2014/10/05/a-doll/
https://tombalistreri.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/not-so-sober-tale/
https://vexingpoint.wordpress.com/2015/04/19/daily-prompt-four-stars/
http://cancerisnotpink.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/eddie-and-the-horses/
http://chetansanghani.wordpress.com/2013/06/10/daily-prompt-four-stars/
http://huntprayerpoems.wordpress.com/2013/06/10/daily-prompt-four-stars/
http://karisilvaphotography.wordpress.com/2013/06/09/daily-prompt-four-stars-life-my-daughter/
http://thesoundoflaughter.wordpress.com/2013/06/09/review-of-a-life-so-far-a-writing-exercise/
http://averystrangeplace.com/2013/06/08/daily-riffed-3-its-a-thankless-job-but-apparently-i-have-to-do-it/
http://2013weeklyphotochallenge.wordpress.com/2013/06/08/weekly-photo-challenge-home-made-flower/
http://stuckonzero.com/2013/06/06/%e2%98%85%e2%98%85%e2%98%85%e2%98%85/
http://ncieslak.wordpress.com/2013/06/07/daily-prompt-four-stars-its-not-always-a-wonderful-life/
http://calliopeslyre.wordpress.com/2013/06/07/i-will-not-break/
http://mannalexandra.wordpress.com/2013/06/07/daily-prompt-four-stars/
Four Stars: Two Anniversaries, Two Christenings & Open Studios.
http://noelephantsinthisroom.wordpress.com/2013/06/07/i-give-it-2-stars-so-far/
http://writinglikeastoner.wordpress.com/2013/06/07/daily-prompt-four-stars/
http://jacksdavie.wordpress.com/2013/06/07/movie-of-the-year/
http://simplexvita.wordpress.com/2013/06/07/four-stars-veni-vidi-vici/
http://linesbylinda.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/daily-prompt-four-stars-from-the-past-and-beyond/
Post a Week: Eden (Delight)
A Pet’s Life For Me
http://2timespink.wordpress.com/2013/06/07/chronology-of-the-heart/
http://fenixrizes.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/life-in-review/
http://acrossthewideocean.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/review-of-the-great-wide-world-part-1/
http://miradordesign.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/life-in-the-undergrowth/
http://marta87wink.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/daily-prompt-four-stars/
http://vosperdruiter.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/four-stars-lets-make-that-4-12432-stars-daily-prompt/
http://sansburydr.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/life-poetically-divined/
http://tarotalchemist.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/daily-prompt-four-stars/
http://meanderedwanderings.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/a-review-of-a-strikingly-mellow-fellow/
http://ciapannaphoto.wordpress.com/2013/02/04/zipolite-life-on-death-beach/
http://layedbacklife.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/daily-prompt-a-life-in-review/
http://architar.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/the-five-star-life/
http://untilmyheartexplodes.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/unwavering-life/
http://artmoscow.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/the-only-life-you-ever-gonna-get/
http://starvingactivist.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/daily-prompt-stars/
http://booksmusicandmovies.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/daily-prompt-four-stars/
Daily Prompt: Four Stars — Remembering the Garry Armstrong Show
Daily Prompt: Four Stars
http://mindblur.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/something-a-few-times-we-expect-it-to-be-the-norm/
http://bureaucracyofanarchy.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/daily-prompt-four-stars/
Daily Prompt: life
http://randomencountersoftheinquisitivemind.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/my-life-as-a-movie/
http://itsawonderfulfnlife.com/2013/06/06/adventures-of-narcolepsy-boy-and-wolf-girl/
http://thebloggingpath.com/2013/06/06/daily-prompt-four-stars/
Daily Prompt: Four Stars
Book (P)review…
http://sofiesdiary.com/2013/06/06/153-life-daily-prompt/
Rescued and Changed
http://honestpuck.wordpress.com/2013/06/07/life-unexamined/
http://jitterygt.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/a-summer-with-kenton-lewis-a-review-of-his-book/
http://basicallybeyondbasic.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/daily-prompt-four-stars/
Invisible Fences, Make Good Neighbors
http://cvillewinter.wordpress.com/2013/06/04/orange-robes-flying-on-a-tuesday/
http://mauldinfamily1.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/daily-prompt-four-stars/
http://likereadingontrains.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/a-day-with-the-seven-year-old-nephew-daily-prompt-four-stars/
http://unknowinglee.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/my-five-star-review-daily-prompt-four-stars/
http://lewiscave.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/for-a-song/
http://ramisatheauthoress.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/7-day-music-blogging-challenge/
http://weliveinaflat.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/forbidden-but-allowed-on-a-case-by-case-basis/

On Writings


‘Mayur, you are a Writer!’

I remember school, over myriads of bad memories there, some few memories are ones which bring a smile to my face.

It was seventh grade when I wrote an essay and the teacher announced I had written the one which she loved the most. It was a simple one, in which I did nothing but describe Diwali (a Hindu festival).

I never wrote anything after that which gave me such rave but I never stopped trying.

Now I am sure I won’t be the only one who hates regional language subjects. I had to suffer Marathi. I have nothing against the dialect, I just always thought the coursework was obsolete. No one speaks such a language anymore!

And while I struggled to get my massive handwriting fit into the lines of the paper, to get the grammar and spellings correct, I had to write essays in Marathi too. One of my tuition teachers I will always remember encouraged us to write essays and submit it to her so she could give us feedback. And the feedback she gave

‘Mayur, you are a writer!’

I remember the look on her face, I remember the astonished faces of my classmates around me and most importantly I remember that small feeling of warmth spreading across my chest. I was proud even if my essay was full of incorrect errors, and the spellings would make my essay almost unintelligible, she understood what I wrote. She understood and she let me know I have scope. That I can write.

That was the push I will always have. The perfect motivation to pick up a pen and paper and pour my heart & soul into it. To write holding nothing back.

Around my twelfth grade I made two of the first best friends I could get. Ayush and Melvin. No matter how much I thank them it won’t be enough. While we were supposed to study and have sleepless nights being tensed, we wrote. All three of us. That was for me, my break from the entire hard work. We wrote stories, letters, poems and shared with others. I as usual brutally harassed them with my honesty. I have an imagination, reading books gave me more and more perspective.

And I kept writing after that. Ideas came to me a dime a dozen. Movies, TV shows, novels, songs, everything was my source of inspiration. Everything.

Today I have many who appreciate my writing. Some cry(like always) when they read my pieces. My blog. And then suddenly I got someone with whom I can share some of my ideas.

Someone who is also writing, which is nothing less than her life’s most primal fears. And she is sharing them with me. And I’m sharing my writing with her.

Words might make amends but to me, but it was my writing which strengthened bonds with others.

Thanks For Reading
Itsmayurremember

Projects, Dashing cars, Bowling, Heartbreaks and everything in between.


Usually plans are made. Let’s hang out here, let’s go there on Sundays. But nothing happens and at the end you are left at home watching a movie for like tenth time eating same comfort food.

Sometimes spontaneous plans are born, kindled by the preceding unsuccessful attempts of planned hangouts, and something great comes out of it. This evening was one of those times.

While we gathered at college to complete our project, we decided upon going for bowling. That required a lot of pleading and an unexpected surprise at the positive response we received. Probably for the first or second time, my classmates decided to hang out willingly without the threat of a lecture on top of us.

Fast forward to the mall and bowling. Though that was the main destination, we took our time to reach there. And on the way was Hamleys.

Hamleys is a toy store in Infinity mall in goregoan, and my god, what a place! Every toy you could dream of, of every toy dreamt and every toy desired was there. Stuffed toys, miniature buildings, Jenga, cars, drums and pianos. Everything! We all were like a bunch of children roaming around looking at every toy we could see in absolute merriment. And then I found the remote controlled section. And that is something that I always loved. Always.
*mental note: buy a remote controlled helicopter*

Next dashing cars. The car arena where you keep hitting other car drivers to have fun. It took me half the time to figure out how to drive the damn thing. And it took more concentration to listen what the instructors keep telling me because I was too busy laughing. I laughed my lungs out there. Then we kept on hitting and crashing and crashing. Fun times.

First time bowling. And can I say it was well worth it. It took some time for me to learn. And when there are ten people ready to play in just two lanes, its is funny as hell!

After hanging out for hours, the toy store mostly brought out true natures from all of us, and when we spoke, we let all out. Relationships, heartbreaks (or vacancies), general guys do this versus girls do that etc etc. And if I may so conclude, that one made me realize that its not just us guys who are confused about the other sex its the other way around too. Confusion is more human nature.

A great day. One which later discussed was without one group photo or selfie. One where the company was enjoyed more than the place. Where memory was made in mind rather than SD card

Thanks For Reading
Itsmayurremember

Loss


( By Heart

You’re asked to recite a poem (or song lyrics) from memory — what’s the first one that comes to mind? Does it have a special meaning, or is there another reason it has stayed, intact, in your mind?)

Yes, I understand that every life must end, aw-huh,..
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, aw-huh,..
Oh I’m a lucky man, to count on both hands
the ones I love,..

Some folks just got one,
yeah, others, they got none,

The song is Just Breathe by my favorite band Pearl Jam. While watching a TV show once I heard this song for the first time, and I absolutely loved it. I still have this song in my phone, and the line from the song always touched a cord. Always.

After I heard the song I did the same, I counted the ones I love and care about. Counted the ones who I think love and care about me. And as ashamed as I am to admit it, I never count family. They are bound to love and care, they have always done so. So in conclusion I could never reach four fingers.

I cared about so many people, yet I never felt that the feeling is mutual.

I feel alone. In crowds. In the seclusion of home. I am not ashamed to admit it. Everyone feels the same, everyone is looking for something in their lives. So am I.

And now more than ever. When everything is golden and blissful, at those times the ephemeral feeling of accomplishment, the feeling of not being alone even for a small time lifts you up. When surrounded by people who laugh with you, eat with you. But when things turn sour, the people disappear with the wind.

When someone who I got really got attached to decided to walk out, I had to reevaluate my life. With the anger of  feeling of being discarded as thrash, the mourning and the selfish sadist urge to hurt back, I realized that maybe I am doing things wrong.

Maybe I expect people to be like me. To live their lives by my ideals. To fill in the picture that I painted for my perfect life. And that, even for all my nice intentions, is really the most selfish I could be. And I never realized it.

I cannot even live up to my ideals, how could I expect others to do so? And how could I expect them to know answers to questions that I should know.

The only person who can help me is me. About time I realize this. Only I can decode my life. No one else can decide which master’s am I supposed to pursue, or how to manage the abrupt stress of college work.

I have a direction, and I intend to improve myself down the path just opened.

To the friend who decided to walk out, I want to stay angry. I want to hurt you, even for small measure of pleasure I could get. But I know it is not going to help me. Your decision to end things, so be it. No more heated words exchanged, no more shouting in front of others. And I hope that when you decide to talk again, I’ll have lower expectancy. And I’ll be better. And I hope the same be said for you too.

Thanks For Reading
Itsmayurremember

You Did it!!


I should be angry. Disappointed. Maybe even depressed somewhat.

I honestly expected myself to be. For what I got. I got less than what I got the last term. But I’m not.

I’m surprised at this too!

In fact I feel relaxed and tranquil. A month long trepidation and suspense is over. I finally now have my grades.

And as I sit in train, writing this post with a huge grin on my face I can see fellow commuters looking at me as if I have gone mad.

I’m happy. I don’t feel even a speck of disappointment. And it gets better.

My friends got such nice grades!

The friend who I study with, who put in so much efforts into this exams, has got so good. She stands just beside me on the scores. Another friend who I have always competed in grades has the same grades as I do. She just told me a couple of days ago she wanted such grades. She got it. My best friend scored more than me! Such meteoric progress! That bastard!!

In fact, all of the class got better. All of them deserve a full hearted cordial congrats!

I was always the competitive type. I always said, I’ll get more marks next time. Never liked being outstripped. Always a race.

Today isn’t one of those days. Today I find myself so happy for their feats. They did it. They deserved it. I’m not gonna go the next day and say to them ‘I’ll get more the next exam!’. In fact I won’t mind the next time they get more.

Never thought I’ll be so glad to see others achieve more.

It felt so good to achieve something last term!. It feels a thousand times better when all those who I call friends achieve what they want and more.

Maybe I’m learning what friendship is finally.

Congrats to all my classmates who are reading this!

Thanks For Reading
Itsmayurremember