Weekend Coffee Share: Abrupt Changes


We haven’t had coffee in a while. Mostly because I wouldn’t have much to talk about. Sorry about that. I have not had the chance to talk to you about your life either.

If we have met before, you would know that in my life things have a tendency to going wrong in a second. I never see them coming and when the bad things happen, they are overwhelming. Include all the worse possible feelings here.

This week things changed as well. However, they didn’t get worse (in the beginning). After working as an intern for 5 and half weeks, I got a job offer from the company I have been interning at.

I moved into a new house. I hated my previous house, primarily the head tenant and now the new house is perfect. It is everything I wanted and more.

If we are having coffee, I would tell you that in the scheme of things this is unreal. Good news never comes easy and it certainly doesn’t come in packages. I am ecstatic about it all but I am still having trouble with accepting it.

What if something else goes wrong? I can’t see what can go wrong now and it scares me.

Today things went wrong. I never saw it coming as my new house owner told me that she will need me to move out in 3 weeks time. I just moved in the house and now I have to look for something perfect again.

At this point, I am thinking why does this keep happening to me? I remember Murphy’s Law (Something that can happen, will happen) and I realize yeah things always can go wrong. I am also thinking that because the only commonality between these unforeseen changes is me: maybe there is something fundamentally wrong with me.

Maybe I cause the bad things to happen.

I am frustrated, angry and if we are having coffee, then at this instant I would probably throw the coffee cup at the wall.

In other unemotional news, this week while biking to work I fell over. In hindsight I am happy that I was not on the main street and there were no other cars there. Still I am pretty banged up and sore. Before you ask, it was my fault. I took a turn at a very high speed.

I had help from someone living nearby and I hoping to run into her again so that I can properly thank her. I have not met her again, even though I tried to.

And with that, my week is pretty much summed up. Now it is your turn, how are things going? Tell me everything.

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Why so….happy?


Recently, partly because of my newfound ‘Yes’ attitude and my friend’s insistence, I ended up at a meditation workshop arranged by people from Hare Krishna Temple, Auckland in University of Auckland.

The person conducting the workshop did a good job, outlining the various religious reasons as to why a certain meditation is performed. I know this as my parents have told me about it before. But I couldn’t focus much on what he said because I wanted to ask him:

Why are you smiling? How are you so happy?!


 

I have been going to a church here regularly for a while, now my weekly visits have reduced. The reason I decided to take a step back was because I felt like I don’t fit in there. I always felt it but I tried to swim against the current nonetheless. I go to church and I look around at people. I see happy faces, people with no sorrow.

It puzzles me, how could these people be happy?

Everyone has problems and everyone is going to be tensed about it. But then how could they look so relaxed!


 

After the meditation finished, I told my friend the same thing. I feel weird about a person look so at peace while I am in torturous turmoil. He has found solace in a deity beyond us. But as I look at the people in my church, at the meditation people, all I see are people who are trying to make a happy exterior. An exterior that I cannot relate to, cannot fathom & so I want to break to see what’s inside.

It is really hard to trust someone when I don’t feel as if they are not real. I can’t relate to people when I don’t see the scars. That in itself is scarier than all the pretentious happiness.

No offense intended to any religious practice

You Did it!!


I should be angry. Disappointed. Maybe even depressed somewhat.

I honestly expected myself to be. For what I got. I got less than what I got the last term. But I’m not.

I’m surprised at this too!

In fact I feel relaxed and tranquil. A month long trepidation and suspense is over. I finally now have my grades.

And as I sit in train, writing this post with a huge grin on my face I can see fellow commuters looking at me as if I have gone mad.

I’m happy. I don’t feel even a speck of disappointment. And it gets better.

My friends got such nice grades!

The friend who I study with, who put in so much efforts into this exams, has got so good. She stands just beside me on the scores. Another friend who I have always competed in grades has the same grades as I do. She just told me a couple of days ago she wanted such grades. She got it. My best friend scored more than me! Such meteoric progress! That bastard!!

In fact, all of the class got better. All of them deserve a full hearted cordial congrats!

I was always the competitive type. I always said, I’ll get more marks next time. Never liked being outstripped. Always a race.

Today isn’t one of those days. Today I find myself so happy for their feats. They did it. They deserved it. I’m not gonna go the next day and say to them ‘I’ll get more the next exam!’. In fact I won’t mind the next time they get more.

Never thought I’ll be so glad to see others achieve more.

It felt so good to achieve something last term!. It feels a thousand times better when all those who I call friends achieve what they want and more.

Maybe I’m learning what friendship is finally.

Congrats to all my classmates who are reading this!

Thanks For Reading
Itsmayurremember