ON 29th August, my older brother got engaged. Despite the Covid-19 restrictions in India, my family managed to make an occasion that they are rightfully joyous. Writing this post from the comfort of my home in New Zealand, I am conflicted between feelings of bliss for my brother, regret about not being there & apprehension about the pandemic surging through India.
As the pandemic has derailed the everyday lives of the world, I am sure my brother won’t be alone in world taking a big step. Lives don’t stop because we can’t leave our homes.
THE day of the engagement, my mom video called me to livestream the event to me and I watched a glittery video of my brother and his (soon-to-be) fiancé sit and talk with each other. I could see they both were happy about the whole thing, ignoring everyone around them just to talk with each other. I watched everyone tease my brother and he brushing their playful jabs aside. My voice wouldn’t have carried in the entire ruckus of the engagement, so I said nothing.
The next day I got a much better video. It was nice to see my brother relaxed and confident. My mom told me all about the event. The family dogs were left at the dog-sitter in the morning of the engagement. She told me how warm & welcoming my brother’s fiancé’s family were. I listened and I knew I would have been absolutely annoyed with so many people if I was there. The engagement had barely 30 people, a mere drop of ocean in typical Indian affairs.
It was bizarre seeing 30 people together though. I am accustomed to a few people together that crowds seem unnatural now. As the pandemic has derailed the everyday lives of the world, I am sure my brother won’t be alone in world taking a big step. Lives don’t stop because we can’t leave our homes
After talking with my mom, I spoke with my brother. My brother and I do not speak a lot. However, I know he will always have my back. I hope he does know the same. We don’t talk how we feel or why something bothers us. We talk about games, movies and novels and I hope that everything unspoken is understood.
The day after his engagement I spend a majority of our call time teasing him about stuff. He is still the idiot who I can poke about clothes he is wearing. It feels weird to know that he is engaged, as I still see him as the older brother with whom I walked to school with.
My brother is engaged now. Our lives, which have already been changing over the last 5 years are changing even more.
Last week my dad told me that the wedding is going to be on 9th December. Considering India is still a hotbed for Covid-19, I expect the wedding to be a small event too with only 50 people allowed. I am looking forward to the event. I am also not looking forward to the event. How do I tell them to have fun when I am biting my nails looking over the number of cases plateauing over 70,000+ in India daily.
I know that I may miss out on the wedding as well. I have a few months to accept the idea that I would have to watch a livestream of the wedding again, I won’t get to joke around with my brother or his fiancé. I will only get to text them and call them.
I am in a celebratory mood, I am scared and I am regretful.