Identity Crisis


A couple of months ago, I was debating in my university team on minimum wage. The opposite side debated that minimum wage should stay as it helps establish identity. I remember the moment clearly when the opposite side argued ‘a person’s identity is associated with what they do for a living’. I rebutted against their point saying that a person’s more than just their profession.

Now, I think they were right.

I was a student for a year. I worked as a content writer for six months before that and was a student back in undergraduate school. I worried as to my whereabouts and identity but never like these days. Now, I am not a student and neither am a employee.

I am a job seeker currently and job search is so damn hard!

I can read books, cook and watch TV shows as much as I want but at the end of the day they make me feel like shit. I can’t lie about that, I do feel disgusted on a day when I have literally done nothing. Such days are iterate frequently.

I have to coerce myself to do something each and every day. My motivation is limited and I am running out of it. Ted Talks, reading blogs and stories sometimes gets me off my ass but then something throws me back to my comfort zone of blissful ignorance.

I have made plans to get things done everyday: apply for X number of jobs, call up Y number of companies and so on. I write stuff down as a list for the next day and in the beginning I could do them all but now I can hardly cross half of them out.

The very fact that I have to push myself to do that disgusts me. The lack of a monetary incentive or a professional identity and responsibility makes it harder.

Is it the same for everybody?

To whomsoever it may concern(Too Honest)


I had an interview today.

And their response at the end blew my mind.

Not my preferred job profile, but its better than sitting at home and doing nothing. I have to start somewhere, if its at the bottom of ladder so be it. My ego can eat shit.

I made my share of mistakes in the interview. But I stuck with what I said, I didn’t try to dodge a question thrown at me with tact because I don’t know how to and also I don’t want to. My interview, my chance to show the panel who I am. To make them hire me for me, rather than some braggadocio.
They asked where do I see myself in next three years?

I replied I don’t know. I’m still determining where my life is headed. Honest.

They asked me about my educational knowledge. I answered everything.

While admiring my integrity, the interviewer suggested that I learn tact. That I am too honest, which will most of the times unnerve the opposite party, they said. And as a sales executive that’s the last thing they want.

I don’t expect the company to hire me and I am trying to jot down the mistakes I made. So I learn. I am not reeling. I am not upset neither am I ashamed. Rather I am complacent. And with a cold fury.

I read this article a long time ago at the time when I was not looking for employment. I loved it for what it was. Honest.

So here I write a letter for my own, maybe my own cover letter(open to your advises)

You can look at my knowledge and my technical abilities from my resume, my certificates. I am more than that.

I am a biomedical engineer. An industry not well known, in a sector where people advice not to work in. And I’m a fresher. No experience and naive.

I am Honest.

I hold it not as a weakness that others can exploit, I look at something that holds me unique among my peers.

I am not gonna manipulate you. I am not gonna lie to you. Not going to make excuses. And when I’ll give you my word I’ll mean it.

The world belongs to the cunning and the streetsmart. Ones who are unparalleled in the trait of enthralling you in the words they utter. I am not one of them. I speak true & honest, I give you a unspoken  choice to either accept what I say or don’t.

Maybe one day I’ll learn better. I am too raw in knowledge, too innocent in tact as the previous guy said, but I’ll learn. Either to successfully show it to you that my honesty isn’t a liability but a strength that I see it as. As a skill that you can help me hone.

Or I’ll learn to be tactful and cunning, just one of the thousands.

I’m untapped potential.

And how this proceeds is up to you. I’m asking you to give me the opportunity.

And I mean it when I say I’ll give it my best. Absolute best.

Regards,
Mayur Wadhwani.