2017 in Review


I expect things to always get worse. I have always greeted new year’s with trepidation because I expect life to get harder. 2017 was a year where I always expected the other foot to fall. But now as I look back on the year, surprisingly it was relaxing.

Sure, now that I recall, first quarter of the year was stressful because my visa kept getting delayed. I also moved twice in a month. But also, I was finally able to get a job in my sector. After which it was pretty much smooth sailing for me.

I went home to India after a year and a half, gave my family a present surprise at 3 am. Met most the friends that mattered.

I also saw snow for the very first time and also discovered that I am scared of cliffs. That fear didn’t stop me from going on more adventurous bushwalks though.

Jumped off waterfalls and was mesmerized by Glowworms in Raglan which I could say was the highlight of the year. Jeez, even thinking about it makes me wanna go back and I will probably do that again someday.

Lastly, I got one of my essays published in a book. An actual paperback all thanks to Zee! I spoke in front of people and told them about my piece. I couldn’t have wanted a better first piece and it made me take my writing seriously again.

And now we are here, at the end of 2017, a year which could have been a whole lot worse but wasn’t. So this post is not about how scary the next year will be ( of course it will be scary ), I am trying to sound grateful to 2017.

I sincerely hope that your next year is great! Happy New Year everyone!

Quitting Blogging, Missing Birthdays and all the rest


Around the time I started working, I was out of ideas, I had nothing to write anymore and even worse I was hesitant to share the things I used to share so bravely when I was back in college. Moreover, I was frantic over the fact that my blog, something that I am dabbing with my soul for so long is simply refusing to fly. So a month ago, I decided to quit blogging. That seemed like the perfect solution to things, no more blog posts and then no more stats to worry about.


In the last two months six of my friends had their birthdays. Before I had left college I had promised all of my friends I will keep in touch with them. Now almost six months later (where did the six months go!), I cannot even remember their birthdays. I missed six birthdays, I never checked birthdays on Facebook. Some of them understood, some of them cursed me playfully. Although I am never the one for partying I do intend to be there for friends especially on the big days. I couldn’t even remember my best friends birthdays.


I hated my decision to quit, but when I knew the only way for me to enjoy this again is to make sure I stop looking at the page views. I even gave a trial run of writing in my phone for a couple of days as a personal journal. It was good, that made me realize what is more important when I blog here. I ended up catching up with the bloggers who I follow and I loved what they wrote. I read and I read more than I can ever.


I called up my friends, apologized for not being there with them on their day. To my best friend I offered to buy a gift. And I never do gifts, the entire idea is highly overrated to me. But the guilt that rode me made me offer.Luckily, friend here never thought too big of it. So did all the other friends, they understood. I must have done something right by them, otherwise I have seen friendships broken with such little thought.


Another one of my blog friend quit blogging around the same time I contemplating to quit. She started blogging when I started and her blog I really enjoyed. Even though she wrote only about nonsensical things (sorry :P) I liked her blog. With her leaving this place, I felt bereavement of sorts. We are still in touch but she hardly ever blogs anymore, regardless of the fact she has a new blog.


I was afraid moreover that my own blog can be used against me. It took some will to convince myself that the only people reading this will be the ones who actually want to know what is happening in my life. My blog is going to be updated today after almost a month. Only yesterday did I realize that maybe I do have somethings to say. I will always have new things to say. I just need to stop making excuses to not write here.


I did meet my friends again. Not all of them, but with them the old familiarity returns however tarnished. I speak less with them, I speak less with everyone. I think I did make some new friends again, actual friends and not bullshit ones. I always had a plan to get my shit together so to say, only tonight I am beginning to try.

Now, as I proofread this I realize my writing is still very bad. My thoughts muddled and yet I am going to try big things like #NaNoWriMo. I have no idea how am I actually going to achieve that. Neither do I know how I will actually continue writing and how am I going to prioritize things in life. I guess I should say I am sorry for almost deleting my blog, I should say I am sorry to my friends for forgetting birthdays. But enough self-pity for a day.

110 People Died Yesterday


Just yesterday I read this Police Commander’s article.The Loss of Innocence

I work in an online journalism website. Yes, I am an engineer and currently working as a journalist, go ahead judge. I’m almost immune to people’s judgements. Almost.

I started working there from September 1st. My job is simple, putting up stories that we get from our sources. A little editing, a lot of copy pasting. I am trying to get a foothold in my workspace and it is not easy.

But the thing which shocks me is my apathy. Why?

Turn on your news channel, you will find news of murderings, killings, bombings, trade negotiations, rapes and movies. There is a little mention of someone’s accomplishments, like someone winning a Padma Bhushan or a medal in sports. Except cricket, that sport is popular enough.

I read stories about rape, gang rape, killings and all kinds of violence. You will be surprised by the criminal activities happening. I show no reaction to the news. I just do my Job and put up those stories.

Yesterday I told myself to find out how many people died. I wanted to see what’s my limit.

I found out that from midnight to 1700 hrs IST, Exactly 110 humans died. A hundred and freaking ten people. And my estimate can be wrong too!

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The deceased were Afghan soldiers, Yemen victims, suicides, accident fatalities and at the risk of sounding frivolous other ill fated individuals. Just look at the list I made! I didn’t even write the news headings fully.

If that raises your eyebrows then you have some humanity left. Because I am insensible to the news, I went to have tea after that. I have read enough blogs about death but this is the first time words have not hit me, made me feel the pain associated with it.

Was I shaken? No.

Did I try to find out more about them? No.

I realized later last night at how screwed up I am. Yesterday at least a hundred families were affected, their lives changed drastically, the changes irrecoverable. And me? I am unfazed.

On the other hand, if the news would have been of animal cruelty or fatality I would have been enraged. Maybe I would be, I am no longer sure. But human fatality? No anger, only now do I begin to feel remorse and will try to sympathize more.

Humans are dying out there! Causes might be heart attacks, accidents or hellish terrorist attacks. Humans die agonizing deaths and I am earning money by their deaths.

If a person reading this has lost someone in some horrible event, go ahead spit the condemning words at me.I have earned them after three weeks.

Humans are dying now. I am sure humanity died long ago.

First Job

My First Job


It lasted for four days. Yes four days.

(I have previously written on my struggles to land a job.)

How did I get placed there?

I had little hopes of getting a good job. I had a specific criteria & I was not willing to enter any written agreement mandating me to work for the company for ‘x’ years. So I looked at the unconventional openings: Content Writing.

In my folly, I thought I knew how to write. I figured this would be a piece of cake. A Google search of the jobs available later I ended up on their website and my application was sent. Same day I got two more interview calls and I had three interviews arranged in a span if two days.

The Work

The in-charge proposed that I work there on a temporary basis. He wanted to see how well I can cope up with actual technical writing and he asked me to evaluate if I am sure of taking up the responsibility. Additionally he offered to pay for my travel expenses for the temporary period. After some hesitation I took the job. There is still no call from the other two places where I interviewed.

The four evaluation days were all the same. He gave me a task to perform and I had to write. My initial assessment of this being a piece of cake quickly broke down. There’s a huge difference in writing for oneself and writing for someone else. Though we thought along the same plane, my words failed to impress him time after time.

I didn’t lose hope and concentrated more. The most frustrating day was when I ended up writing the same sentence ten different times and he liked none of them. 10!

I am humbled. He kept his word on the last day and remunerated me. He had a stock of papers in his hand, my written drafts & when I bid him farewell I knew I wouldn’t be called back. But that experience was needed. I needed to learn first hand that I am not the best at what I do and I still have a long way to go. I needed the shock.

The sad thing is though

On the last day I was starting to enjoy myself. I liked the congenial work culture, the indulgence and work ethics. The in charge no matter how dogmatic is a man who he said he was and his company had the life the website promised. They were nice people. It sucked to leave.

On the worse side

Of sorts. The food I ate there had a serious effect on me. Vomiting, fever and all the accompanying symptoms. I have been lying in my bed for last two days. Helpless. Weak. If I had continued there my health would surely deteriorated.

I expect a recovery in the next couple of days. I keep joking to my friend that ‘I’m dying’ and she rebukes. She doesn’t realize that I really feel that way.

PS: If you are a php developer or writer and looking for a job”

Reach me via Facebook and I will refer you to the company. They need the manpower.