In the recent years, there have been hospital visits for my family.
My dad had an kidney stone operation some two years back. My mom had to remove her appendix a year ago. My big brother too was in the hospital for a week because of a chest infection.
Now too my dad is undergoing a dental procedure. My mom is showing early signs of arthritis. My brother is well, he is the same idiot he was.
So whenever they undergo some procedure, they call me.
They have to get an X ray done, they ask me why should they. Or what may be the alternative to a certain procedure. And I tell them in elucidate details.
I know I have ranted and whined about there may be no good employment for me in the coming future. I don’t know where my life is going. I don’t know if I could pursue further studies or not. I can’t possibly predict what is going to happen.
And to start thinking about, fretting about what may happen and what may go dire; it is gruelling. There is prophetic way.
Not to mention, my nerves are all jarred and the anxiety is too much to bear. My results are yet to be revealed, while most of my friends who study in different branches have already received their scores. The trepidation is killing me.
I have my impending exams to study for, I worry more than once in a day about how am I going to survive in the world when I find myself struggling in college. Other than this blog, even communication with my best friends is difficult for me. No clue about what to do after college, no clue what to do in college!
If you think I am forlorn about this, then no, I am not. I am actually laughing to have a written the same list of worries here from my brain. And for the first time, these concerns no longer concern me.
Back to the scene at my home then.
With the way my parents ask me about all medical technicalities these days. More often than not, I find myself describing in length the different mechanisms and working of these procedures or the way their body works. I do have the knowledge, though I am no doctor but I do more learned here than my family.
And they never understand a word that I utter. No matter in how simple I make it sound. They never do! And yet each time I find them agape.
They can’t understand it, I know. They have done their degrees in commerce while I am yet the only (imminent) technical degree holder in the house. I can’t understand either when they start talking about accounts and taxes.
But I absolutely cherish those moments. To amaze my family with my ken. To find the same pride in their faces that was lost somewhere when I grew up.
The concerns in my life aren’t going away. I may still end up in some underprivileged employment where I cannot tap my caliber. Or in some foreign university where the scene may be worse than what I face here. Or something else may go wrong.
But today I find myself proud and immune to those concerns. I am happy with what I am accomplishing at home. The small happiness and pride in what I do. In what I love.
And maybe that’s what I should seek.
Why look for the monumental felicity when you find yourself facing ephemeral joy.
You take what you can get right?
(Sometimes I find my dog too staring at me in awe!)
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