Sometimes I think that my brain is going to commit suicide. Honestly. It has all premontions of it, the frequent migrains are maybe my brain warning me to cool down. I am not saying I am suicidal, I am great and happy, its my brain that concerns me. If my brain ever starts speaking to me, mostly in a dream I think the monlogue will probably be like this:
You can’t even get it that I can’t take it anymore. I have to do so much and youy, you idiot just rush headlong into indiscrimante commitments that even I can’t keep track of them all. Seriously, bro stop! Or else I’ll stop and you will end up all ‘vegetabley’ in a hospital.
Well I think that’s what he’ll (definitely HE) say. Last time I mentiined about my upcoming recruitment process. Now for an engineer this is important. This is how Indians will recognize you mostly (He got into Delloite/L&T/XYZ) , you will get respect(if you get a good salary package, of course) and blahblahblah all the other stupid social norms (Who started things like this?!!!)
Now let’s back it a bit. Engineers are born the day when their father/mother/some random elder look at them and utter in all pride “Mera Beta Engineer banega”,(My son/daughter is going to be an Engineer!) I am sure that most people who stand where I stand now, are mostly cursing that abominable day. ‘3 Idiots’ movie that line so funny that even mentioning that line brings out fits of laughter among engineers!
I am a super idiot, considering I came home one day and said “I am going to be an engineer!” So stupid. And yet I think better than my decision to aspire to be a doctor some years ago. Imagining myself cutting up cadavers on a monday because it is that practicals, I laugh at the incredulosity of it. It isn’t for me.
Then we give a thousand exams whose abbrevations sound like a terrorist organizations, join coaching classes, accumulate illimitable study materials that our storage space becomes glutted. And that is before engineering mind you, it only gets worse. Just to get into a great college. When I say a great college, I mean to end up in an city, like Bandra in my case.
You expect people to be different in big hotspot colleges like these. They aren’t. The just are more affluent than your previous classmates. Many fakes, liers and sycophants you will encounter, likes of which you will definitely find a local Pan wala shop(hangout spot). It takes a while to spot the authentic from the horde and guess what, you are mostly wrong. But that’s okay, sometimes you do find great people.
Now skim to last year and the recruitment. I really can’t emphasize how important this day is. You find the library packed with students revising aptitude and various programming languages a month before, or two months. We engineers are awesome, aren’t we?
On day, your nerves kill you. You find yourself thirsty even if you just gulped down a litre of water. Hands are sweaty and feets are tapping restlessly. And guess what? I think I made an blunder in my interviews too! I’m human so its okay.
Well I just gave one interview after which I was ashamed to death by the mistakes I made. And I decided never again. Last five days in a row, I woke up and I prepared myself mentally for the tasks I have to achieve. Whether it be the IELTS exam (which went okay) or the recruitment. I was determined and persistent that no more mistakes! I may have that line my phone wallpaper too.
And I (actually a group of us) were thrown out like a some leftover rotten last night dinner in the next recruitment rounds. We weren’t eligible and that’s a story for another day. With the recruitment officer resonating “I have 200+ students to cater to, I can’t entertain everybody’s individual problems”, we walked out in shame.
I was angry, agahst and a little disappointed. I wanted that comapany’s offer letter.
As i woke up today, with practically no tension and nothig to prepare for, I ended up chuckling at how much this is affecting me. With continously flagging confidence levels, I should be worried.
I am not. There is always some other opprotunity. And when it knocks I am going to go there, grinning the entire time and try my best. If I’m not able to achieve it then something else will come up. And I’ll try again.