Weekend Coffee Share: Abrupt Changes


We haven’t had coffee in a while. Mostly because I wouldn’t have much to talk about. Sorry about that. I have not had the chance to talk to you about your life either.

If we have met before, you would know that in my life things have a tendency to going wrong in a second. I never see them coming and when the bad things happen, they are overwhelming. Include all the worse possible feelings here.

This week things changed as well. However, they didn’t get worse (in the beginning). After working as an intern for 5 and half weeks, I got a job offer from the company I have been interning at.

I moved into a new house. I hated my previous house, primarily the head tenant and now the new house is perfect. It is everything I wanted and more.

If we are having coffee, I would tell you that in the scheme of things this is unreal. Good news never comes easy and it certainly doesn’t come in packages. I am ecstatic about it all but I am still having trouble with accepting it.

What if something else goes wrong? I can’t see what can go wrong now and it scares me.

Today things went wrong. I never saw it coming as my new house owner told me that she will need me to move out in 3 weeks time. I just moved in the house and now I have to look for something perfect again.

At this point, I am thinking why does this keep happening to me? I remember Murphy’s Law (Something that can happen, will happen) and I realize yeah things always can go wrong. I am also thinking that because the only commonality between these unforeseen changes is me: maybe there is something fundamentally wrong with me.

Maybe I cause the bad things to happen.

I am frustrated, angry and if we are having coffee, then at this instant I would probably throw the coffee cup at the wall.

In other unemotional news, this week while biking to work I fell over. In hindsight I am happy that I was not on the main street and there were no other cars there. Still I am pretty banged up and sore. Before you ask, it was my fault. I took a turn at a very high speed.

I had help from someone living nearby and I hoping to run into her again so that I can properly thank her. I have not met her again, even though I tried to.

And with that, my week is pretty much summed up. Now it is your turn, how are things going? Tell me everything.

How I Stitched A Button


Let’s back up a few days for now.

The last couple of weeks weren’t easy for me. For one I had to face the doomsday conundrum: Decisions.

Now, it probably is not a big deal for you but it was a big deal for me. I have to decide what to do about my future masters. And the ramifications of that weighs down on me more heavily than anything else. One of my friends pointed me that I am only considering the possibility that I will screw up and not the other side of the coin.

But that is what encumbers me: me messing up something which is almost dreamy.

While I struggled to decide what to do, facing more and more bad news, I really want to quit. Quit this and just stop trying. Knowing fully well that this isn’t going to work out.

In meanwhile I read this post by Bora. He explained perfectly what I couldn’t understand in my life. I realized that as my college life is coming to an end, studies don’t take up too much of the pressure, its what you do with them is.

So I sat down to stitch the button. And while I know next to nothing about stitching I did it. Like I everything else I overdid it. There was so many layers of thread interwoven by the time I’m done on the small poor little button that it couldn’t rotate and the thread was stuck halfway. Like everything else, I did it with a focus and concentration that even three buttons exhausted me(procrastinator!)

image

The over stitched button

But as I did that, I realized I love working. Not a single stray thought ran across my mind. No distractions, just me and the needle and the holes in the button. Though I was clumsy as hell, I kept losing the needle every time I kept it so I could cut the thread, I enjoyed stitching.

With my dad proudly proclaiming that his son has finally grown up (all it took was one button!), I finished the work I have been putting off for a few days. And this small work was what I had needed to get my resolve back.

I still have no clue about what to do next. I still have the same problems but maybe all I need to do now is start working. Stop thinking.

Thanks For Reading
Itsmayurremember