How hard can it be? (New Plymouth-Paritutu Rock Edition)


(My weekend was not hard except this bit. Considering how much fun I had writing last week’s post, I wanted to continue this. I might write an entire post about my New Plymouth trip later)

‘Is it hard?’ someone in the van asked. A guy, let’s call him C had done it before with his partner L said ‘You need good upper body strength to do it. L did it!’

Well, if L was able to do it, I thought how hard can it be?

My fear of cliffs and shear drops was forgotten. See a while back, while walking along the coastal hills in Piha in West Auckland, I found that I am scared of heights. I can do it but I would rather not stand close to the edge and look down at the abrupt chasm. I can walk on any height as long as I don’t have to look down at a cliff.

Paritutu Rock is hardly 100 ms, located at the edge of New Plymouth over looking the ocean. Hikes take the stairs halfway and then reach the peak rock climbing. The climb isn’t vertical so you can use just your feet while getting to the top.

I went on all fours. And I made the mistake of looking down halfway through. I bit down a scream because I was at a cliff looking down at the embrace of harbor rocks. I swear they were arranged hands spread apart.

View Down, Credits: D

I knew coming down would be harder. For the residents of the city, the hike would/should be a weekly exercise. I saw a family descending with their 6 year old daughter while I was standing at the same edge with A. It was sobering moment, cause I was really tempted to go back down.

I was right about one thing: coming down was harder and scarier. If I slipped, I would tumble down on hard rocks all the way, if I don’t fall off a cliff. My left knee (I guess the ice skating issue) had to bother me while descending too. Great!

I took my time. I didn’t care that children were climbing a million times more gracefully than I was. I squatted to keep balance, used my hands for grips slowly covered ground (or rocks?). My eyes were wide open and I don’t think I was blinking them anymore. I told (pleaded?) others behind me, ‘Don’t rush me’.

The only solace descending was I could the carpark getting closer. I knew I wasn’t just going around in circles. I took more time than my group and they were waiting for me at the carpark.I reached the stairs but didn’t stop till I reached my group. K asked me ‘How’s it?’, my face must have shown my fears. I blew out some air while nodding and sat down, allowing my fear to take over.

‘How hard can it be?’ I thought and had a small laugh. I realized that my week could have been completely different, I could have been walking around snow clad Mt Taranaki. The cliff on Taranaki would have been so much scarier.

Of course, it was worth it. The view from the top of the rock was splendid-breathtaking-astonishing and my vocabulary can’t cover it. As I got the summit, to the left, I could see the New Plymouth arrayed systematically like legos. I could see Mt Taranaki in the distance beyond the city, staunch and inviting in its white attire. Clouds obscured the peak from time to time, testing the patience of the group’s photographers H and D. The view on the opposite side was even better.

New Plymouth, Credits: H

I was standing on the edge of the world. If I started sailing straight from there I might not encounter any land till Africa. Edge of the World with nothing but blue sky shading the ocean with a darker hue, the sky and ocean seemed to be going a long way and finally meeting at the horizons. I could hear seagulls, I could see the waves crashing on the shore.

Ocean, Credits: A

Now, if I do that again, I will not be afraid. I could do it when I was scared, I could do it again. In fact, I am looking forward to the next trip and I am hoping that someone invites me for the hike to Mt Taranaki soon.

After all, how hard can that be?

Weekend, Credits: D

How Hard can it be? (Ice Skating Edition)


If you are going to try something you have never tried before, a person is bound to tell you ‘How hard can it be?’. That person might think that they are encouraging. It is either that or they want to watch you fail so bad that they can send your fail video to FailArmy.  My advice to you: punch that person in the face.

How hard can it be? Extremely hard.

Now my advice backfires on me. I am usually the one who says ‘How hard can it be?’, mostly to encourage myself. Maybe I am overconfident too. Afterwards I regret it because my body hurts and if I could glare at myself, I would glare myself to smoldering bits.

Today, I decided that I wanted to go ice skating. I have never even roller skated so I should have been aware of my imminent regret. Instead, I thought how hard can it be. Plus, there was a free event for beginners and who isn’t ready for free stuff.

Boy, oh boy I was wrong.

Firstly, it feels different just standing in balancing with the entire sole of the feet and balancing on a metal skate. How was I standing? I wasn’t standing, my legs were dancing and my body’s momentum pulled me forwards. It was like I had new feet and I had skipped the tutorial on using them (I think I did that). My left ankle decided to shake disturbing my balance and I would flail my arms in the air trying to catch balance (it didn’t work). I would fall to the ground and then began the embarrassing process of standing up.

I fell four times throughout. First time I fell, I was trying to skate at the outer edge. A beginner behind me patiently waited as I tried to stand up again. Second time I fell was about half hour later, by then I was getting confident again because I wasn’t using the boundary for support.

‘I will never learn how to do this if I keep taking support of the wall’ were the exact words in my mind before I fell on my ass. I fell again a few minutes later and after the last time I was done.

Every time I fell, I told myself I can do it. The problem was I didn’t know what I was doing. After the last time, my legs were sore and I had no energy left in me to try again.I was miserable, cold and my ankles hurt. I slipped a lot of time and every time I did, I noticed a pain in my left knee. I think I was bending my knee along the wrong axis and at last I realized that if I kept doing this I might hurt myself.

And I wanna continue doing stupid things so I don’t wanna hurt myself. Nope!

Others around me kept giving me advice. ‘Bend your knees’, ‘right leg forward, angle it and then left leg forward’, ‘1-2-1-2-1’ and so on. I just couldn’t do it properly. I never went beyond the first 1-2 sequence because I would loose my balance there.

There is a positive side to this though. Firstly, and this should be obvious to the dumb, I wouldn’t have tried if I had thought this is going to be really hard. I would probably prepared myself a little if I had thought that way, but the technology isn’t advanced enough for me to Google skating simulation.

Next,  do you know the sensation you get after swimming? You are walking on land but still feel like you floating in the water. Nothing has ever come close to that feeling. Today after I was done and walked to my bus stop I felt like I was on ice again. I felt I was gonna slip and fall on my ass again. I loved that sensation.

Third, I thought back and realized how many things have I tried by thinking ‘How hard can it be?’ and I failed miserably. I am not ashamed of the fact that I failed, I find it funny though. I am going tramping next weekend I told my roommate, ‘how hard can it be’ today. Yay!

Lastly, I got an idea to write this post. I know ~4 people read this blog, one of whom is my mother (Hi Mom!!!) so yeah! I think I am back.

Weekend Coffee Share: Week’s helper


I missed last weekend’s coffee share as I was doing something. I don’t remember what. The week started early, some 5 am when one of my friend called me to talk to me. Something was wrong I knew immediately and we Skyped so early in the morning. Something had came up and she was scared. I did what I do best: make the lamest jokes possible to alleviate her worries. I wish that was the only time it happened in the entire week but another friend also had some issues and messaged me. Did the same thing but I was only thinking: only last entire week I was in a bad place and now are some of my friends. What is happening?

If we do have coffee, I would break the news: my application for continuing my master’s is approved. I can now work on my Masters project which is exactly what I wanted to do. I am so happy and finally a little relaxed. I knew who all helped me, kept touch with me when I needed it. Thank you.

In other news, I love Pokemon Go. The weekend me and my friends walked around the harbour catching pokemon rather than go out to a pub to relax and kill them. I kept thinking: this has got to be the only time I enjoyed my phone more than my friends company. If we do have coffee and you have the game then we will probably stop talking and go catch them all. It is not just me who is addicted but the entire Auckland is catching only pokemon these days. Can’t really blame anyone for it is amazing.

One of the best things I now realize I did was encourage one of my friends to apply for his Masters. His grades were similar to mine and he had given up before applying.

I guess that is all for the week. It is your turn to speak up and say how was your week?

Weekend Coffee Share: New House


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I moved to a new house past Sunday. It’s not as luxurious as my previous house but then again I knew it was coming. I spent the week here, making friends with the roommates and slowly our bond seems to be getting stronger, unlike my previous roommates.

Also, while sipping coffee, I would complain about my cycle. Start of the week it had a puncture and now there is another problem with the rear gear derailleur. No wonder people give advises to buy a good cycle and not a cheap one. Well, I still have to get a quote on the derailleur problem.

However I love cycling around here. There is a direct separate cycling way to my university, an easy way to the church and both sides it is fun to cycle. Yeah it is also tiring but then again I am having fun. I would have more fun if my cycle stops breaking down so much.

I would tell you that I started working on my Master’s project even before my grades were out. This is especially risky as I didn’t know at that time what is going to happen with my degree anymore. Regardless, even though I worked for a couple of days, I was happy. Finally!

Speaking of grades: they are also out. Unfortunately, I don’t know if I clear them to qualify for my Master’s or not yet. As my grades are bordering between B and C, I don’t know what to infer. When I read the grades all I could do was laugh: even now I feel like Life’s playing with me.

If we do have coffee, I would tell you the highlight of the entire week has been the spoken word event that I attended and wrote about it. I would tell you that I’m desperately waiting for the next such event as I loved it. Considering the response that they got, I hope that they don’t charge it from the next time.

Lastly, I would turn the mike over to you and await to hear from you: how has your week been?

Maybe I should pay more attention


Racism. Something which I would hardly think of when I am dealing with people. So whenever people would ask me “Where are you from?” I would reply where am I from and just leave it at that. I hardly pay any heed to the subtle hints of racism because I do not have time for it. However after listening to at least 6 people speak about the same issue I realize that maybe I should be paying more attention.

After seeing an event on Facebook about a spoken word/poetry event, I decided to go for it. I like writing, I like poetry and I am a fan of spoken poetry. I knew the topic is not a simple one and from what I heard from the speakers I realized how unaware am I about the extent.

The bar couldn’t have been shadier. Honestly, they took underground groups too literally and they had more than 100 people gathered in such a small place. The next door rock band overpowered the speakers completely and I couldn’t make out more than a syllable or two in the first half of the event. However the next half, I sat up front and listened. I was so into it that I forgot to click photos, forgot almost everything and just absorbed.

I heard a girl try to explain and fail, try again and still get all messed up in explaining where she is from: Chinese or Kiwi. I heard a guy talk about what it was like being White after being born in a Maori family. Heard an open letter, not to White people, but to Koreans. Heard two poems from an Australian Maori girl.

Maybe I am missing some of the poems. Even more likely I am actually not doing justice to what I heard. Because I simply cannot; I am not perceptible enough of the surroundings, I don’t think along the lines as the speakers can think. Because their words moved, their experiences made me recall all the months and think: was that racism?

While I may not know which end of the spectrum I exist on, I am surely one of those ‘unawares’ the speakers spoke of. And from what I heard, I cannot help but applaud the speakers and their courage. And learn and absorb whatever I can, from their experiences, from their words and their strengths.

Sometimes I Surprise Myself


I have been cooking in a new country for a month now. Sadly, only once my cooking has produced something that I couldn’t get enough of.

I do not cook bad all the time. I don’t cook amazing either. The very first time I cooked lamb chops, I followed a recipe. The result was so good, that I wanted to cry in joy at the taste.  ‘I made this’ I thought amazed. And I have been trying to reproduce the results ever since.

image

But aside from the served dish, there are a couple of cooking things that I have mastered.

I heat up oil in the pan and add mustard seeds. The seeds pop and emit a great fragrance. I can add oil-blackened seeds to rice, lentils or anything else I have made. The aroma of the fried seeds, called tadka in India, is so good that everyone say ‘smells good’. I smile and try to tell them I didn’t do nothin’.

I don’t like large chunks of vegetables. Actually, I don’t like vegetables in general but I understand their importance in my food. So I spend time meticulously cutting onions, potatoes, carrots. As finely as I could. My previous housekeeper asked me how do I find so much time, I should just cook them in whatever shape they are. I didn’t tell her the answer but I don’t like that way, I like the way these small vegetables taste. The surprising thing: the chopped onions are now almost perfectly diced.And then I caramelise them so they are almost burnt. I could eat that with everything.

I have made mistakes. Twice, I cut my fingers with chef’s knife, once cutting onions and yesterday while cutting potatoes. After I bandaged my finger yesterday, my eyebrows were raised. ‘Wow, that was bloody efficient of you’ I praise myself (no pun intended) but I’m the clumsiest person I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.

Roommates cook, sometimes I watch them. That’s how I learned how to cook pasta, embarrassingly. I praise them when their food looks or smell fabulous. Sometimes they offer their good food to taste, sometimes they don’t. I always offer food to taste. Food is always better when shared.

When I got here, I was prepared to eat anything I could cook. I was wrong, I want to eat food that does not makes me nauseous. If that means that I have to spend more time in prep so be it. I spend more than an hour cooking. I don’t regret it, I have found that cooking is actually fun.

I never expected myself to say that.

PS: I just completed 2 years on my blog.

Level 2016: You Are Just Going To Get Harder Aren’t You?


If life is compared to a computer game then each year would be a level.

In the beginning of the level, it seems easier but with time it gets harder and harder. You pray for the demon to appear so you could beat him and finish the level.

If life is a computer game, then that demon really cannot be defeated. Because that bastard reiterates itself in multiple forms that it no longer have a name or face. That demon can be beat but then you will be wary of its reappearance.

If life is a computer game, then the game developer must be one of the sneaky ones. Because this game does not drop hints of the coming monstrosity. However, in the game developer’s defence, there are no intimation of blissful moments either. Sneaky and gracious game developer then.

If life is a computer game then most times you get hurt. However there is no reset button, if you die there is no reincarnation at the hospital like its GTA. There are no cheat code to gain weapons so that you can kill away the bastards in life. Then again, you realize you cannot hurt even a fly, killing is way out of your league.

Friends are those bonus which come irregularly but revitalize your life. Family is the thing that can sap your energy but without them the game is worthless. Game scores become irrelevant after enough game-play because the missions matter more. You already know you can’t get a perfect score; unless of course you have money.

If life is a computer game then level 2016 is going to be tougher than 2015.

There will be more heartbreak, more brutalities, sporadic joys. But maybe you have finally gotten the hang of it now.

Now you, if life is a computer game then you know where to look if you are almost out of power. You almost can see the trap coming from a couple of meters away. And you also know that you might be wrong. You would know what you are looking for, it won’t be absolute but it will be enough for now.

If 2016 is a game level, then there are a lot of levels left to play, so do not give up. Because you will die, so take your time and get up again. The rules are almost discernible now. Life is difficult, levels are more difficult and love is impossible.

But you play this computer game of life, cause only then there’s any meaning. Cause only then there’s Elysium in hardships.

Thank You: We ought to say it more


Because we do not say thank you to anyone any more.

Not to family or friends, the prospect of saying thank you to people who owe us nothing is a far fetched dream. A irony of this lack of expression is social media though.

Say Thank You to the people, like the conductor who punched your ticket on the public transport, or the guy who held the elevator for you. Or for that matter who kept the door open when you walked in with your hands full. Their deeds are not extraordinary, but necessary nonetheless.


Thank You is a simple thing to say, common words in every language.  If used apropos, they can explicit the gratitude.

I am trying to be genuine in my expression. It is difficult because everyone is a skeptic, but it doesn’t hurt to try.

A while ago, I met a girl who said Thanks to everyone. The ticket conductor, the rickshaw driver, the person who served our meals. Intrigued and awestruck I asked her why. Her answer was a shrug, a habit I guessed was ingrained in her demeanour.

I unwittingly adopted her habit. Soon I said thank you to the elevator man, the lunch boy, canteen boy, watchman, neighbour. Yeah, pretty much everybody.

It feels good, when you say Thank you to the conductor who just gave you change when commuting. It feels better when you say thanks for doing his job. Same goes for grocery shopping, say thank you and the stall owner and he is bound to greet you back with his hands raised and posed in a Namaste or a Salaam.

Seriously, try it.


A month ago, I took a bus home. Unfortunately, I had a 500 rupee note, 16 rupee change and the ticket was a mere 26 rupee in comparison. The conductor had no change to give me. He did not want to risk taking the note from me either, he explained that recently there is a plethora of fake currency. 

He respectfully (that is a miracle in itself) asked me to get down at the next stop and take the next bus.

Distressed, I fumed about what to do because I did not want to wait for the next bus. It was already a long day at the office. The guy who sat in front of me overheard our conversation and offered to pay the remainder. That was bigger miracle.

In a small conversation he gave me a huge lesson in humility; he told me he was stuck with some money issue in the bus. Someone helped him out too then. Now he helped me out and asked me to help out another such stuck commuter if I could.

I promised that I will, thanking him more than once. I also made a promise to buy his ticket the next time we meet. Unfortunately, I no longer remember his name, face. He is now another random face in the crowd for me.

I still have not helped any other commuter in a similar fashion, but I help in any way possible.


There is more than one instance when the thank you is not acknowledged.

I get it, the listener may not have heard me. Maybe they were having a bad day. Its cool, its all cool.

Like I said, I enjoy saying the words. It is ingrained in me by my own deeds,  a habit that I do not want to obviate.

The heart of the issue is most of the people do not say thank you. They act as they do not even care. I do not help people for their thank you, and at the risk of sounding a hypocrite, that nonchalance is offending.

I feel like staring at the people for whom I just kept the elevator waiting (this happens a lot of time in my office) to coerce them into saying thank you.

Like the girl however, I just shrug it off.


The irony of this situation is social media. For me saying thank you is not manners but I am assuming that they are manners for every other socialite.

On Facebook, Twitter and everywhere else, manners are rigorously followed. Every comment gets a thank you.

But in real life, thank you is lost, meaningless and taken for granted.

It says something about us, my generation. We consider the same words as a sign of weakness.

Suddenly, due to pop culture idolizing the stolid, arrogant protagonists and other ignorant heretics, saying and acknowledging other people’s kindness depicts a weak individual.

Seriously, WTF!


In stark contrast, help out an old person and wait till you hear him say Thank You Beta (son). There is the zenith of humility and graciousness. The qualities one should be chasing and not money.

I remember speaking to a good friend once and she told me about her classmates. One thing we both agreed on is the lack of humility everywhere. Everyone is a braggadocio. Everyone wants to prove their superiority. No one wants to help though, no one can say thank you and sorry anymore.

We debate about intolerance and feminism. We have not yet learned the basic, easy humane values. Then we wonder what is wrong with the world.

Don’t Blame Me


Don’t blame me
If I fail
Cause you told me I’ll fail.

Don’t blame me
If I get angry
Cause you never appeased me.

Don’t blame me
For being a loser
You never taught me to win.

Don’t blame me
If don’t talk
You never listened.

Don’t blame me
If I’m alone
You never stood next to me.

Don’t blame me
If I trust too easy
How else could you have taken advantage?

Don’t blame me
If I don’t back myself
You taught me I’m not worthy.

Don’t blame me
If I turn cynical
Even I need a facade

Don’t blame me
For becoming vile
This is your making.

First Job

My First Job


It lasted for four days. Yes four days.

(I have previously written on my struggles to land a job.)

How did I get placed there?

I had little hopes of getting a good job. I had a specific criteria & I was not willing to enter any written agreement mandating me to work for the company for ‘x’ years. So I looked at the unconventional openings: Content Writing.

In my folly, I thought I knew how to write. I figured this would be a piece of cake. A Google search of the jobs available later I ended up on their website and my application was sent. Same day I got two more interview calls and I had three interviews arranged in a span if two days.

The Work

The in-charge proposed that I work there on a temporary basis. He wanted to see how well I can cope up with actual technical writing and he asked me to evaluate if I am sure of taking up the responsibility. Additionally he offered to pay for my travel expenses for the temporary period. After some hesitation I took the job. There is still no call from the other two places where I interviewed.

The four evaluation days were all the same. He gave me a task to perform and I had to write. My initial assessment of this being a piece of cake quickly broke down. There’s a huge difference in writing for oneself and writing for someone else. Though we thought along the same plane, my words failed to impress him time after time.

I didn’t lose hope and concentrated more. The most frustrating day was when I ended up writing the same sentence ten different times and he liked none of them. 10!

I am humbled. He kept his word on the last day and remunerated me. He had a stock of papers in his hand, my written drafts & when I bid him farewell I knew I wouldn’t be called back. But that experience was needed. I needed to learn first hand that I am not the best at what I do and I still have a long way to go. I needed the shock.

The sad thing is though

On the last day I was starting to enjoy myself. I liked the congenial work culture, the indulgence and work ethics. The in charge no matter how dogmatic is a man who he said he was and his company had the life the website promised. They were nice people. It sucked to leave.

On the worse side

Of sorts. The food I ate there had a serious effect on me. Vomiting, fever and all the accompanying symptoms. I have been lying in my bed for last two days. Helpless. Weak. If I had continued there my health would surely deteriorated.

I expect a recovery in the next couple of days. I keep joking to my friend that ‘I’m dying’ and she rebukes. She doesn’t realize that I really feel that way.

PS: If you are a php developer or writer and looking for a job”

Reach me via Facebook and I will refer you to the company. They need the manpower.

Your Eyes


(Daily Prompt : Born To Be With You
Not completely related but I found some connection so I am putting this in connection)

Literary Lion: Eye
(I’m being lazy by not writing another post but I already have written this!)

I saw you in train, I was soaked from the rains. I couldn’t see your face. Your niqab covered your face. But I saw your eyes. All I saw was your eyes. Those soft round eyes surrounded by chalk white skin. Some mascara maybe. The deep black irises. I don’t think i have been so enthralled by eyes ever before.

I kept looking, occasionally realizing that I have to look somewhere else. I don’t know if you noticed my stare, because if you did then I would have been bitten senseless in the train. I don’t know how your face looked, I couldn’t hear your voice but I saw your eyes and for me that was enough. Black as a moonless night, I don’t know if iris are ever this black. I stared because there was something about them, I know it was wrong.

I don’t think you noticed anybody in the train. For you were enthralled by your boyfriend on who’s shoulder you kept your head. And he kept talking, his voice getting louder as if he spoke with the entire compartment and not just you. I would have kept quiet and stared. Stared at something so small and so immensely beautiful.

I don’t think I’ll meet you again. I won’t remember you either in a week.

And I went home, forlorn, listening to James Blunt sing ‘You’re beautiful ’

Check out other people’s responses :
http://kosheradobo.com/2013/10/29/orange-crush/
http://jitterygt.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/neurosis-from-a-to-z/
http://bessjonesphotography.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/born-to-be-with-you-bess-you-is-my-woman-now-daily-prompt/
http://sincerelyherz.wordpress.com/2014/03/19/bitten-by-the-love-bug/
http://agent909.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/daily-prompt-born-to-be-with-you-psychology-behind-choosing-to-like-people-we-met/
http://sincerelyherz.wordpress.com/2014/03/27/emily-and-justin-the-proposal/
http://themagicblackbook.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/born-to-be-with-you/
http://sabethville.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/dp-daily-prompt-born-to-be-with-you/
http://childrencount.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/born-to-be-with-you/
http://notjustanyotherblog.wordpress.com/2014/03/03/be-the-edward-to-my-vivian/
http://seikaiha.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/daily-prompt-born-to-be-with-you/
http://jigokucho.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/about-a-panda/
http://mcswhispers.wordpress.com/2012/10/28/love-life-and-loss/
http://myauthoritis.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/she-loves-me/
http://lifesansgod.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/the-one-i-love/
http://wordywings.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/born-to-be-with-you-daily-prompt/
http://mcwilson1956.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/recharging-the-cell-phone/
http://eastelmhurstagogo.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/people-let-me-tell-you-about-my-best-friend/
Born To Be With You
http://meanderedwanderings.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/opposites-attract/
http://thebohemianrockstarpresents.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/an-ode-to-a-soul-mate-who-doesnt-exist/
http://averildean.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/cradle/
http://flowersandbreezes.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/my-sun-my-life/
http://viewsplash.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/welcome-back/
Born to be with You: Daily Post
http://neverstationary.wordpress.com/2013/05/25/this-kid-i-know-michelle/
http://neverstationary.wordpress.com/2012/11/20/how-to-be-a-best-friend/
http://asianchemnerd.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/born-to-be-with-you/
http://marthakennedy.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/give-her-the-truth-serum-now/
http://myatheistblog.com/2014/03/29/daily-prompt-born-to-be-with-you/
http://kate0murray.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/soul-mates/
http://gulliblestravelsdma.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/let-me-tell-you-a-secret/
http://jilliannette.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/my-virtual-best-friend/
http://disappearingwoman.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/every-fiber-of-my-being/
Love Crime, Acts of Love, and wacky love bits: this week’s weird news
http://ohthatwaspoetry.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/born-to-be-with-you/
http://remissionary.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/we-go-together-like-a-bird-and-a-feather/
http://arrythmatic.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/dear-stephen/
http://hudleyflipside.org/2014/03/29/the-swale-and-the-swirl-of-now/
http://daniellemcfarlane.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/daily-prompt-born-to-be-with-you/
http://startingwritenow.com/2014/03/29/soulmate/
http://basicallybeyondbasic.com/2014/03/29/daily-prompt-born-to-be-with-you/
http://myrenaissanceblog.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/how-i-met-my-beast-my-love-my-christopher/
http://yellowbrickroad7.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/my-person/
http://incidentsofadysfunctionalspraffer.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/daily-prompt-born-to-be-with-you/
http://myjourneyeveryday.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/born-to-be-with-you/
http://loveletterstoaghost.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/doorsteps-and-parking-lots/
http://yichinglin.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/in-intro-to-anatomy/
http://hometogo232.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/daily-prompt-born-to-be-with-you/
http://helenmeikle.wordpress.com/2014/03/30/daily-prompt-born-to-be-with-me/
http://oneeducatorsopinion.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/whats-a-girl-gonna-do-without-a-best-friend-i-have-no-idea-because-i-have-3/
Circle of Love
http://wisskko.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/strong-bond-with-her/
http://tonkadella.wordpress.com/2014/03/30/born-to-be-with-you/
http://bluejbluej.wordpress.com/2014/03/30/someone-else-would-do/
http://darkinnerthoughts.wordpress.com/2014/03/30/daily-prompt/
http://maya0615.wordpress.com/2014/03/30/daily-prompt-born-to-be-with-you/
http://dreamypepper.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/daily-prompt-born-to-be-with-you/
http://manmadeoceans.wordpress.com/2014/03/30/born-to-be-with-you/
Anamchara
http://robert-eberhard.com/2014/03/30/why-i-love-kim-and-will-be-marrying-her-soon/
Born to Be With You
http://allthingscuteandbeautiful.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/daily-prompt-being-a-soul-mate/
http://faranastus.wordpress.com/2014/03/31/for-born-to-be-with-you-daily-prompt/
http://easterellen.com/2014/03/31/meant-to-be/
http://justbeverity.wordpress.com/2014/04/02/daily-prompt-born-to-be-with-you/
http://treasurethememory.wordpress.com/2014/04/03/born-to-be-with-you/
http://shardsofsilence.wordpress.com/2014/04/05/star-crossed-lovers/
http://wildandfreeandme.wordpress.com/2014/04/16/my-greatest-fear-as-a-mother/
http://randommstuffblah.wordpress.com/2014/04/22/born-to-be-with-you/
http://emmerleener.wordpress.com/2014/04/27/to-you-with-love/
https://marthakennedy.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/molly-first-then/
https://vexingpoint.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/daily-prompt-born-to-be-with-you/
http://geekergosum.com/2015/07/11/marriage-or-born-to-be-with-you/
https://thelonerose.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/my-best-friends/
https://loisajay1213.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/daily-prompt-born-to-be-with-you-2/
https://debooworks.wordpress.com/2014/05/10/greatest-friend/
https://thecoolbookworm.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/tanya-and-ryan-3/
https://509majesty.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/gave-up-on-that/
https://irishkisses.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/a-tree-named-fred/
https://quest4voice.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/the-best-friend-and-soul-mate-ever/
and the Kitchen Sync
LOVING SWEET HAZEL
https://nonsmokingladybug.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/meant-to-be/
https://unbolt.wordpress.com/2015/04/03/an-averter/
https://flowersandbreezes.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/born-to-be-with-you/
Shoo in…
https://tessacandoit.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/born-to-be-with-you-by-the-daily-post/
https://booksearchjourney.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/darling/
https://meginwriting.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/my-two-best-friends-are-guys/
https://therealuniversitylife.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/alcohol-joint-classes-secrets-and-shenanigans/
https://promptlings.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/soul-mates/
https://myleviathan.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/going-solo/
Ah, Friday…
Reflected Glory
https://theyyouandme.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/gone-haiku/
https://myhappinessisanallegory.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/my-hero-for-the-day/
https://madgefie.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/my-bro/
https://promptlings.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/saturday-sing-a-long-daily-prompt-mash-up/
https://cshowers.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/born-to-be-with-you/
http://83unsungheroes.co.uk/2015/07/11/born-to-be-with-you/
https://alotfromlydia.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/a-soulmate/
https://ladybugswritings.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/8/
https://justsometwentysomethingrambles.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/my-best-friend-my-soul-mate/
https://nelkumi.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/all-of-the-above-and-more/
https://awonderingsoulsblog.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/my-sister/
https://paigempowell.wordpress.com/2015/07/12/can-i-take-a-hit-off-that-smile/
https://rogershipp.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/born-to-be-with-you/
http://www.rileycentral.net/my-wife-sarah-and-i/
https://deanneworld.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/im-still-loving-you/
https://18monthsindc.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/relocating-with-my-best-friend-2/
https://veracitymama.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/just-cant-do-the-soulmate-thing-today-so/
https://seifsalamakarem.wordpress.com/2013/10/28/love/
http://bookreviews1966.com/2015/07/11/daily-prompt-born-to-be-with-you/
https://shameport.wordpress.com/2015/07/07/morning/
https://thestrangeher.wordpress.com/2015/07/12/your-answer/
http://macbofisbil.com/2014/11/20/the-greatest-uncle/
https://maddqueen.wordpress.com/2015/07/12/in-his-eyes/
https://alkagirdhar.wordpress.com/2015/07/12/the-one-youre-meant-to-be-with/
https://perferviddreams.wordpress.com/2015/07/12/for-you-with-you/
https://lebomokoena99.wordpress.com/2015/07/12/born-to-be-with-you/
https://anupturnedsoul.wordpress.com/2015/07/12/when-the-soul-lies-down-in-that-grass/
https://mondozeitgeist.wordpress.com/2015/07/12/in-response-to-the-daily-posts-writing-prompt-born-to-be-with-you/
https://awordadventure.wordpress.com/2015/07/12/born-to-be-with-you-destined-meeting/
“Born to Be With You”
Sole Mate
https://deanneworld.wordpress.com/2015/07/12/that-much-more/
My Boyfriend Should be the Music Blogger: #NaBloPoMo/#DailyPost
https://yournibblednews.wordpress.com/2015/07/13/daily-post-born-to-be-with-you-soul-mate-or-just-a-kindred-spirit/
Why Do You Like Her/Him?
https://amommasview.wordpress.com/2015/07/14/born-to-be-with-you/
https://elingrace.wordpress.com/2015/07/14/seek-ye-first/

Literary lion responses:
https://unusualstrangeness.wordpress.com/2015/08/13/unseen/
https://sonyca.wordpress.com/2015/08/13/shes-had-it-coming/
https://mandibelle16.wordpress.com/2015/08/13/literary-lion-sophia-crying/
https://balconyviewz.wordpress.com/2015/08/13/anticipation-a-sonnet/
https://tuckedintoacorner.wordpress.com/2015/08/14/the-painter/
The Deadline
Literary Lion : In his mind’s eye
https://any1mark66.wordpress.com/2015/08/14/literary-lion-eye-of-stranger/
https://livehomeandaway.wordpress.com/2015/08/14/the-lens/
Apple of Her Eye
Literary Lion – Watcher
http://rfrmst.com/2015/08/16/can-you-see/
https://vnktchari.wordpress.com/2015/08/17/literary-lion-eyes-the-eyes-are-scaring-me/
https://mytakemythoughts.wordpress.com/2015/08/17/seeing-through-the-noise/
Blue sea

What Do You Want to Do in Life?


My dad sat with me the other night to have a very important talk. I expected the conversation to involve drinking or something related to it. Instead he shocked me by asking a question I was never ready for. I will probably be never be able to answer.

Beta kya karna hai life me? ‘what do you want to do with your life? ’

*******

Two months and so many job applications. I have been choosy and more than haphazard in my options. So till date I’m still looking for a job that I’ll go and say yes without slightest hesitation. Idealistic and dreamy view.

I wrote two pieces about my recent interviews and I have realized that I have made my share of mistakes. My brain though is amazing in figuring out where a circuit is faulty is not so speedy recovering from unprepared questions thrown at me.

*****
I couldn’t answer my father. I didn’t lie, I said I don’t know what I want to do with my life, I am confused. I am trying to figure things out. One step at a time but I need some experience to understand my capabilities and my interests. He never pushed me neither did he gave a reprimand for not knowing the answers. Usually this question sends me to Dark corner where there is no return for a day or two. This time I stood and tried my best to answer it. And I intend to make sure I have an answer for it.

And as the decision dragged on they said that I give up too soon. I might be a cantankerous and testy asshole but I never give up. And then I kept quiet. Because I knew now my words are useless and I had to get things sorted.

*****

I have no idea how or when my parents decided to visit a fortune teller. They have their own faith and while I can’t say the same I couldn’t oppose it even if I wanted to. Because they never told us where we were going.

My brother lost his job recently. And while we are really confident that he can dust this off in no time and pick another great opportunity, we all are worried for him. And my parents had two reasons to visit the teller. And the revelations were fantastic/hilarious.

They intend to make a locket for me because I’m a sloth and that’s the way to make a person active. I don’t my parent’s concern or care but I do think it is pretty useless. I said if you both believe it then I’ll wear. The decision was instantaneous.

The funny part was when they exclaimed that they asked about my marriage. Apparently I’m going to have a love marriage. I’m sure that’s fortune’s way of mocking me.

*******
I made a to do list. It’s huge and it’s constantly being amended. And just last week when I thought I had a great life I realize that’s because I let procrastination get the better off me. This list has unfinished items from atleast six months. Prominent among them is to get my slurred speech remedied. I am not going to be mocked because I can’t pronounce Roller.

I still don’t have answers. But I am going to try get them. And I won’t quit.

******

I had another interview. This one via a contact and this time something that I know is perfect for me.

And I didn’t keep quiet when he said this isn’t the job for me. I tried, I tried harder to somehow change his answer from ‘we have no job openings’ to something affirmative. Something that shows a glimmer of hope. Nada.

Another job I’m not made for apparently

******

My juniors ask me for suggestions in their project and GRE and placement. Everything they ask. And I don’t blame them, guidance is needed.

So if you are reading this and you know you are going to have to face a similar situation as my juniors my advice would be the same.

Go for it. Couple of redundant certificates don’t hurt. Do whatever comes your way for now. Do them till you figure out the answers to the questions I can’t answer. Tap on every opportunity you can get. You don’t know where your life will head. So don’t be an idiot and think you have everything figured out. Go for it.

People Suck!


*This is a rant. There’s a possibility that none of this is meant for you but for the people I have in my life and I can’t just get rid of*

Yes I said it. Yes its mean. Yes I am Rambling and ranting but i hate people.

All you ever do is make life worse. Hardly do you ever bring to the table something good, hell you don’t eve bring yourselves most of the times deciding to wear a mask rather than show who you are.

You in all your diplomacy and crafty choice of words.

You in your facebook statuses and instagram post. All you ever do is brag, i can’t seem to remember the last time there was anything sad there. Ever!

Yes you suck. Because you get everything you are looking for, with absolutely no efforts whatsoever. And no I am looking closely, I would have noticed if you are trying to make it look very easy. There’s no efforts. Just a smile and things just fall into place for you.

There’s no sorrow. There’s no regards for your friends. There’s just you and still people just scramble for your feet. No one cares if you use them and throw them away. Nope! everything’s cool.

You are mean. The rules to make you happy change in a second. There’s hypocrisy of unparalleled levels yet everyone keeps their mouth shut. Why? because it will hurt feelings. Where’s that consideration when you are being mean to me?!

And I hate you. Not because you are inhuman nor because you are an absolute asshole, but because the field’s never equal between us. No amount of good I do will ever wipe out the bad I did, but you never have to do anything good. I will never get another chance and there you will be able to be choosy with chances. I will always earn less, struggle more and lay awake at night thinking what to do tomorrow while you will be having another great night. Everyone will praise me and say shit about you yet when the time’s come then I stand alone.

Yes its just a few people who are this way but its these people who make me think its better to spend time with my dog rather than try to fit in this world.

To whomsoever it may concern(Too Honest)


I had an interview today.

And their response at the end blew my mind.

Not my preferred job profile, but its better than sitting at home and doing nothing. I have to start somewhere, if its at the bottom of ladder so be it. My ego can eat shit.

I made my share of mistakes in the interview. But I stuck with what I said, I didn’t try to dodge a question thrown at me with tact because I don’t know how to and also I don’t want to. My interview, my chance to show the panel who I am. To make them hire me for me, rather than some braggadocio.
They asked where do I see myself in next three years?

I replied I don’t know. I’m still determining where my life is headed. Honest.

They asked me about my educational knowledge. I answered everything.

While admiring my integrity, the interviewer suggested that I learn tact. That I am too honest, which will most of the times unnerve the opposite party, they said. And as a sales executive that’s the last thing they want.

I don’t expect the company to hire me and I am trying to jot down the mistakes I made. So I learn. I am not reeling. I am not upset neither am I ashamed. Rather I am complacent. And with a cold fury.

I read this article a long time ago at the time when I was not looking for employment. I loved it for what it was. Honest.

So here I write a letter for my own, maybe my own cover letter(open to your advises)

You can look at my knowledge and my technical abilities from my resume, my certificates. I am more than that.

I am a biomedical engineer. An industry not well known, in a sector where people advice not to work in. And I’m a fresher. No experience and naive.

I am Honest.

I hold it not as a weakness that others can exploit, I look at something that holds me unique among my peers.

I am not gonna manipulate you. I am not gonna lie to you. Not going to make excuses. And when I’ll give you my word I’ll mean it.

The world belongs to the cunning and the streetsmart. Ones who are unparalleled in the trait of enthralling you in the words they utter. I am not one of them. I speak true & honest, I give you a unspoken  choice to either accept what I say or don’t.

Maybe one day I’ll learn better. I am too raw in knowledge, too innocent in tact as the previous guy said, but I’ll learn. Either to successfully show it to you that my honesty isn’t a liability but a strength that I see it as. As a skill that you can help me hone.

Or I’ll learn to be tactful and cunning, just one of the thousands.

I’m untapped potential.

And how this proceeds is up to you. I’m asking you to give me the opportunity.

And I mean it when I say I’ll give it my best. Absolute best.

Regards,
Mayur Wadhwani.

Joy


Ha! Ha!

I kept laughing like an absolute lunatic on the phone. She kept shouting at me to stop laughing because it was something serious. Eventually she gave up and hung up the phone.

This evening things went after a huge time better. I don’t know what prompted it. Whether there was any prompt or this was just a random act of kindness bestowed upon me by the universe.

Mostly the latter.

And I became happy. So happy that I jokingly threatened my mom to take care of her health, in an Italian accent no less. I even used The Godfather’s immortal line ‘I’ll make an offer you can’t refuse.’

And then laughed about it for like fifteen minutes.

Then skip to the phone call. I was supposed to be serious (it was more funny because of my temporary tattoo) but I couldn’t help it. The conversation was so cute that I kept on laughing and laughing.

image

Why So Serious

I am Happy. Over no reason at all. Yes, that makes me a little left out of center. And qualifies me for the nearest asylum. But I’m enjoying this feeling.

I’m smiling over nothing. I’m quoting movies and so many cliché Hindi statements, to my parents and brother no less that I am surprised they haven’t called asylum yet.

I even called Jimmy “Kutte!” (Dog in Hindi) full in a dharmendra (an bollywood actor who made the dialogue immortal on account of his style).

I love this feeling and writing this post because I know this happiness won’t last. And I want to make the most of it.

So I will give you an advice which I just gave.

If you ever feel like this: Enjoy it. Embrace it. This will not last. Make it count.

In a world where you are looking for reasons to be happy, being happy over nothing is rare.

Thanks For Reading
Itsmayurremember

Projects, Dashing cars, Bowling, Heartbreaks and everything in between.


Usually plans are made. Let’s hang out here, let’s go there on Sundays. But nothing happens and at the end you are left at home watching a movie for like tenth time eating same comfort food.

Sometimes spontaneous plans are born, kindled by the preceding unsuccessful attempts of planned hangouts, and something great comes out of it. This evening was one of those times.

While we gathered at college to complete our project, we decided upon going for bowling. That required a lot of pleading and an unexpected surprise at the positive response we received. Probably for the first or second time, my classmates decided to hang out willingly without the threat of a lecture on top of us.

Fast forward to the mall and bowling. Though that was the main destination, we took our time to reach there. And on the way was Hamleys.

Hamleys is a toy store in Infinity mall in goregoan, and my god, what a place! Every toy you could dream of, of every toy dreamt and every toy desired was there. Stuffed toys, miniature buildings, Jenga, cars, drums and pianos. Everything! We all were like a bunch of children roaming around looking at every toy we could see in absolute merriment. And then I found the remote controlled section. And that is something that I always loved. Always.
*mental note: buy a remote controlled helicopter*

Next dashing cars. The car arena where you keep hitting other car drivers to have fun. It took me half the time to figure out how to drive the damn thing. And it took more concentration to listen what the instructors keep telling me because I was too busy laughing. I laughed my lungs out there. Then we kept on hitting and crashing and crashing. Fun times.

First time bowling. And can I say it was well worth it. It took some time for me to learn. And when there are ten people ready to play in just two lanes, its is funny as hell!

After hanging out for hours, the toy store mostly brought out true natures from all of us, and when we spoke, we let all out. Relationships, heartbreaks (or vacancies), general guys do this versus girls do that etc etc. And if I may so conclude, that one made me realize that its not just us guys who are confused about the other sex its the other way around too. Confusion is more human nature.

A great day. One which later discussed was without one group photo or selfie. One where the company was enjoyed more than the place. Where memory was made in mind rather than SD card

Thanks For Reading
Itsmayurremember

How I Stitched A Button


Let’s back up a few days for now.

The last couple of weeks weren’t easy for me. For one I had to face the doomsday conundrum: Decisions.

Now, it probably is not a big deal for you but it was a big deal for me. I have to decide what to do about my future masters. And the ramifications of that weighs down on me more heavily than anything else. One of my friends pointed me that I am only considering the possibility that I will screw up and not the other side of the coin.

But that is what encumbers me: me messing up something which is almost dreamy.

While I struggled to decide what to do, facing more and more bad news, I really want to quit. Quit this and just stop trying. Knowing fully well that this isn’t going to work out.

In meanwhile I read this post by Bora. He explained perfectly what I couldn’t understand in my life. I realized that as my college life is coming to an end, studies don’t take up too much of the pressure, its what you do with them is.

So I sat down to stitch the button. And while I know next to nothing about stitching I did it. Like I everything else I overdid it. There was so many layers of thread interwoven by the time I’m done on the small poor little button that it couldn’t rotate and the thread was stuck halfway. Like everything else, I did it with a focus and concentration that even three buttons exhausted me(procrastinator!)

image

The over stitched button

But as I did that, I realized I love working. Not a single stray thought ran across my mind. No distractions, just me and the needle and the holes in the button. Though I was clumsy as hell, I kept losing the needle every time I kept it so I could cut the thread, I enjoyed stitching.

With my dad proudly proclaiming that his son has finally grown up (all it took was one button!), I finished the work I have been putting off for a few days. And this small work was what I had needed to get my resolve back.

I still have no clue about what to do next. I still have the same problems but maybe all I need to do now is start working. Stop thinking.

Thanks For Reading
Itsmayurremember

Laughter!


This one is special. It is very close to my heart and I felt like writing about it for a while.

Laughter. It is contagious, spontaneous and very much precious. Ever heard a baby laugh? In no time almost everyone looking at the baby starts laughing, the joy spreads across like water.

If you know me and have heard my laugh, you will agree with this, I laugh like a maniac. Total and absolute maniac. I laugh with my feet bouncing off the floor, my arms making some unintelligible symbols in the air before clenching my stomach because its paining from laughter.

I am one of the few people who can laugh at anything and everything till tears swell out of my eyes. And I’m extremely proud of that.

How many people do you know who could look at something and make an insane joke and start howling in laugh? The answer is none. Well some can, but none like me. I have damaged my bed when I’m literally ROFL, I have broken my chair and made my dog more scared of my laughter than something really scary, like bathing. Yeah!

I laugh like crazy when we watch a show on weekends, and my parents proudly claim that any comic show is not funny without me. And I’m pretty sure that most jokes get funny because of maniacs like me. Well you are welcome!

Then I look around people. People who grew up from being children themselves. Who somewhere in their lives stopped laughing. They now laugh properly, decently(ugh) even. People with their constant attempts to be cool. And I pity them.

I dare you, next time you hear a joke that starts a giggle in your throat, just laugh. Laugh like me, leave your limbs free and let the magic(yeah!) take you over. By the time you are done laughing, your stomach will be aching, you will feel hungry and your bladder will be bursting. And tears will be shed, proving that your eyes still work.

And you will be revitalized.

My laugh is probably the only thing that has not changed. It is there from my childhood and I intend to keep it alive this way. Unadulterated and unbiased.

But, alas not all good things last forever. Now my laughter is becoming strained. When confronted with questions without any seemingly correct answer, question like what do I want to do with my life? How do I make people believe in my when I have doubts? Then there are two options. Cry like a baby, or laugh like a baby.

And I laugh, because crying makes me look weaker. I laugh and I notice hysteria slowly creeping in. I realize what had happened to others and why they have difficulty laughing like I do. Reality came crashing in. And confrontation scattered will. Madness and sadness were only discernible.

And I’m staggered by the question: Will I end up like those who have forgotten how to laugh?

My answer is maniacal laughter. Because the alternative is too terrifying.

Thanks For Reading
Itsmayurremember

Loss


( By Heart

You’re asked to recite a poem (or song lyrics) from memory — what’s the first one that comes to mind? Does it have a special meaning, or is there another reason it has stayed, intact, in your mind?)

Yes, I understand that every life must end, aw-huh,..
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, aw-huh,..
Oh I’m a lucky man, to count on both hands
the ones I love,..

Some folks just got one,
yeah, others, they got none,

The song is Just Breathe by my favorite band Pearl Jam. While watching a TV show once I heard this song for the first time, and I absolutely loved it. I still have this song in my phone, and the line from the song always touched a cord. Always.

After I heard the song I did the same, I counted the ones I love and care about. Counted the ones who I think love and care about me. And as ashamed as I am to admit it, I never count family. They are bound to love and care, they have always done so. So in conclusion I could never reach four fingers.

I cared about so many people, yet I never felt that the feeling is mutual.

I feel alone. In crowds. In the seclusion of home. I am not ashamed to admit it. Everyone feels the same, everyone is looking for something in their lives. So am I.

And now more than ever. When everything is golden and blissful, at those times the ephemeral feeling of accomplishment, the feeling of not being alone even for a small time lifts you up. When surrounded by people who laugh with you, eat with you. But when things turn sour, the people disappear with the wind.

When someone who I got really got attached to decided to walk out, I had to reevaluate my life. With the anger of  feeling of being discarded as thrash, the mourning and the selfish sadist urge to hurt back, I realized that maybe I am doing things wrong.

Maybe I expect people to be like me. To live their lives by my ideals. To fill in the picture that I painted for my perfect life. And that, even for all my nice intentions, is really the most selfish I could be. And I never realized it.

I cannot even live up to my ideals, how could I expect others to do so? And how could I expect them to know answers to questions that I should know.

The only person who can help me is me. About time I realize this. Only I can decode my life. No one else can decide which master’s am I supposed to pursue, or how to manage the abrupt stress of college work.

I have a direction, and I intend to improve myself down the path just opened.

To the friend who decided to walk out, I want to stay angry. I want to hurt you, even for small measure of pleasure I could get. But I know it is not going to help me. Your decision to end things, so be it. No more heated words exchanged, no more shouting in front of others. And I hope that when you decide to talk again, I’ll have lower expectancy. And I’ll be better. And I hope the same be said for you too.

Thanks For Reading
Itsmayurremember

Holidays!!


They are a benedictions and yet most often a malediction. And expectation come hand in hand with them.

If you have read my previous posts you will know that I absolutely abhor expectations. In fact I’m irreversibly marred by them. The tyranny of expectations breathe down the neck when holidays are descried in the horizon and I know, I have a gut feeling that they will end in tears and heartbreak.

It is like one is not complete without the other. And if I may, it is like they are fraught with sadness. Like expecting a heavenly time and getting, kind of hell. It seems a bad conclusion of Newton’s second law of motion.

Holidays for me are simple: watch movies, read books and eat and sleep. I don’t want to shop, roam pointlessly, just relax. After all I deserve it, working and traveling so much is grudging and I need some time off.

But a upcoming family holiday changes the dynamics. Everyone has expectations and abashed as I am to admit it, no one wants their perceived version of holidays to shatter. Father wants to do something, Mother wants to do something else. Brother, for the matter, just swings with the flow and is ready for every plan.

Unfortunately, not a single one of their plans is compatible with the other. And all of their ideas are resolute without any scope for compromise. Hence the tears and heartbreaks.

So my holidays are an anticlimax. With a heightened enthusiasm at the onset, disappointment comes at the end. And with each person the way to express this disappointment differs. And at the end no one is happy and praying that no such holiday comes again.

Such a scene in a few days of reprieve has been repeated so many times that even if I try, I cannot possibly come up with something new to say or do to lighten the mood. I don’t like the dolorous ambience at home but what can I do?

So when at times of Diwali(Reason for holidays, most auspicious festival in Hindus) when everything is expected to be beatific, nothing really is.

But the holidays this time had a special moment too. See on the first day of the three day family holiday, we all had breakfast. Now we never do that.

With my college, my brother’s and parent’s job schedules we never have viands at the same time. Never.

This time we did. Only once in the three days but we did. And we laughed and talked. All of us sitting in that table together and eating and sharing stories. No sadness, no tension. And to make things better even my dog came along to eat. Yeah, he completed the family picture at that time.

If we all weren’t so disheveled and somnolent I would have clicked a picture. I can’t even believe that the best time was then, when no one was wearing newly brought clothes, no expensive food or sweets. Just tea and some breakfast. And it was perfect.

I later said that after how much time did we all eat together, that now my Diwali is now complete. I probably jinxed the mood.

I hope that in a couple of days or months when I look back I only remember that morning and not the subsequent days. Because that morning was special. What followed was like a over repeated commercial that you are fed up with.

Thanks For Reading
Itsmayurremember

Transiting


( In Transit

Train stations, airport terminals, subway stops: soulless spaces full of distracted, stressed zombies, or magical sets for fleeting, interlocking human stories?)

This post can be taken as a continuation of an earlier post about the train travel experience.

Almost three and a half years of travels via trains,  which could be summed up to about four hours a day. That’s a lot.

When I started my college, everyone said that college is too far,  which they are right,  and I politely replied ‘You get used to the travels.’ You do get used to it,  the train journey becoming an integral part of everyday life. Leaving college according to the train timing and waiting at the edge of station straining to get a glimpse of imminent train. 

Mumbai Local Trains. They make your life.

But my post isn’t about the trains. It’s related to what happened in 2006. (For full story read here and here)

Those terror attacks changed everything. I mean everything. I admit,  from the first day of my college my parents told me to call them when I reach college.  That habit grew old and I stopped it. But it doesn’t change anything.

Those attacks killed common people,  commuters like me.  Maybe they were returning from jobs or from college and they never reached home. And ever since trains are no longer completely trusted.

Authorities did what they could,  and stations still have metal detectors and emergency ambulances standing by and countless measures were taken but the fear is still there.

When I travel there comes a time when I suddenly notice a rather normal looking Bag. Completely ordinary yet it grabs my attention. And I take eschew glances till someone picks the bag up and departs the train. I sigh in relief,  guilty for mentally accusing a person’s innocuous bag as a means of terror and death.

And I’m not alone in this. I have seen people who form groups and sing pious lauds but are very cautious about the luggage. Every bag that seems to be left out is called out. Mostly at Dadar where the trains halts,  commuters calls for the owners of the bag.

The fear is now ingrained. Every train journey there is a nagging sensation that something can go wrong. And the thought scares me.
At that time people who died, were grievously injured were unaware. And now the vigilance in the trains, portrayed by everyone is some assurance.

Everything else in the trains, like fights and cussing,  the rush to grab a window seat or even the stupid couples standing near the door when the train is empty seems natural. Seems a part of the routine.

But the dread of a mishap is not. Don’t get me wrong,  being wary and vigilant is our responsibility. And I will do the same whenever I travel.

And this is what travel is. A promiscuous mixture of kindness, anxiousness and apprehension.

The four hours of life.

Let’s see what others have written :

no parking
http://randomactsofsnark.wordpress.com/2014/10/07/in-transit/
http://lewellynhughes.wordpress.com/2014/10/07/traveling-with-strangers/
http://alightningbug.wordpress.com/2014/10/07/life-in-transit/
http://aerretha.wordpress.com/2014/10/07/oh-joy/
http://quotosphere.wordpress.com/2014/10/07/363/
http://betterbloggingat.wordpress.com/2014/10/07/in-transit/
http://privyperspective.wordpress.com/2014/10/07/on-fainting-in-a-train-station/
http://musingsfrommyid.wordpress.com/2014/10/07/in-transit/
http://ripplesnreflectiontimes.wordpress.com/2014/10/07/in-transit/
http://notstargirl.wordpress.com/2014/10/07/noisy-thoughts-on-a-train-station/
http://thedarkerandshadier.wordpress.com/2014/10/07/last-train-to-home/
http://debrabooks.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/at-the-gare-st-charles-in-marseilles-france/
http://macbofisbil.com/2014/10/07/airport-panic/
http://grieflessons.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/3576/
http://geletilari.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/rush-hour/
http://conqueringanthropophobia.wordpress.com/2014/10/07/beyond-the-subway-tracks/
http://myauthoritis.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/terminal-illness/
A Yellow Tale: part ii
http://20000milesandcounting.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/daily-prompt/
http://thejournalofabeautifulmind.wordpress.com/2014/10/07/in-transit-daily-prompt/
http://jaynesdailypost.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/in-transit/
http://thelarksroost.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/132/
My Secret Thoughts!
http://www.pghlesbian.com/2014/10/support-the-glcc-during-national-coming-out-week/
http://positivatude.wordpress.com/2014/10/07/love-actually-is-all-around/
Everything In Transit
http://dailymusing57.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/in-transit-daily-prompt/
http://eastelmhurstagogo.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/1296/
http://fcmiller3.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/train-stops/
http://pigeoneyeball.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/in-transit/
http://ungiornonellavita.com/2014/10/06/daily-prompt-in-transit/
http://spadethought.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/transportation/
http://ledrakenoir.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/hello-goodbye/
http://jayhouse.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/train-of-thought/
http://corinthialynne.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/the-daily-post-in-transit/
http://djgarcia94.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/crossed-paths/
http://tidlidim.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/daily-prompt-in-transit/
http://www.inspiringmax.com/moving-people/
http://worldwidesoulmate.wordpress.com/2014/10/07/writing-101-lost-and-found-forget-me-not-2/
http://camembertandchocolate.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/canned-sardines/
http://thegadabouttown.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/sick-transit-gloria-on-a-monday/
http://traversinglines.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/i-am-just-another-zombie-til-you-said-hello/
http://colourunabridged.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/accidentally-sincerely-yours-2/
http://mojowritin.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/connect/
http://melearningoutloud.com/2014/10/06/disney-princess-philosophy/
http://msbstories.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/eternal-terminal-airport-to-the-afterlife/
http://waywordness.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/silent-movies/
http://alotfromlydia.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/okay-i-know/
http://grieflessons.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/hard-transit/
http://moosha23.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/in-transit/
http://philosaic.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/transition/
…I’d Never Had One That Big Before…
http://yzhengblog.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/train-rides/
http://petrd1.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/a-tale-of-two-bus-stops/
http://bobbeck1600.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/daily-prompt-in-transit/
http://emotionalfitnesstraining.com/2014/10/06/how-to-get-more-emotionally-fit-an-online-course/
Eau de New York
http://unravel286.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/the-daily-post-2/
http://flowersandbreezes.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/in-transit/
http://oartheboat.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/an-airport-is/
http://psibrone.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/the-world-moves-on/
http://katespencer17.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/heartprints/
http://emo1956.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/in-transit-in-a-transit-van-why-do-these-things-always-happen-to-me/
http://lifeisgreat0.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/running-fast/
http://worddisorder.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/inspiration-comes-in-many-different-places/
http://vid00shak.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/joy-of-giving-in-a-metro/
http://jaysiphonesnaps.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/somewhere-to-be/
http://cartervail.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/daily-prompt-crossing-paths/
http://rustyiam.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/transiticity/
http://greenlegs7.wordpress.com/2014/09/21/a-sea-of-asters/
World’s Best Teleportation Device

http://jaysnaps.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/most-transitatious/
http://stuffenonsense.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/in-transit/
http://alisha3cats.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/stuff-to-do-when-youre-bored-on-the-subway/
http://joatmon14.com/2014/08/04/this-time/
In Transit
Hanging out at the train station
http://theodorazheng.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/in-transit-throwback-monday/
http://jenbrunett.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/morning-state-of-mind/
http://pippakinclawz.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/daily-post-in-transit/
http://threepsandq.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/prompt-in-transit/
http://anupturnedsoul.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/a-very-knotty-problem/
Snippet Sunday 8/6/14: Goodbyes and Hellos
Daily Prompt: In Transit – in Switzerland
http://avatarofmrbean.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/ps-woes-with-customs-lest-he-forgets/
http://shawnwingsit.com/transit-ever-ridden-nyc-subway/
http://underthemonkeytree.com/2014/10/06/does-moving-count/
http://allthingscuteandbeautiful.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/daily-prompt-being-magical-3/
http://marthakennedy.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/waiting/
The Days Of Our Lives
http://trablogger.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/my-love-affair-with-indian-railway/
http://youaintspecial.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/the-other-other-other-white-meat/
http://mydecadelongtravels.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/the-joys-of-traveling-and-racial-profiling/
UP THE MOUNTAIN
http://aliceandeve.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/a-story-in-each-face/
http://lifeconfusions.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/rails-and-ties/
http://rsativus.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/instant-friendship/
http://alotfromlydia.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/the-mta/
http://ettemeyer.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/in-transit-poem/
http://lifeassirli.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/train-station/
http://laughagain.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/zombies-dont-eat-breakfast/
http://charlafarmington.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/in-transit/
FUN IN TRAIN, SOULFULLY YOURS
And I was No Where at All #microfiction #travel #dpchallenge
http://lindaswritingblog.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/people-watcher/
http://suejutakeshi.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/end-station/
http://movingtowardsthelight.com/2014/10/06/angel-at-the-ferry/
http://mycurvyattitude.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/in-transit/
http://geekergosum.com/2014/10/06/in-transit-the-hell-of-other-commuters/
dreams
http://tnkerr.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/daily-prompt-in-transit/
http://agirllikemee.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/another-life-on-another-side/
http://designersophisticate.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/too-many-people/
http://sayadpoet.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/wisp-of-dream-daily-prompt/
In Transit: Solitary Reader
http://namelessspaces.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/oxford-circus/
http://ourgorgeouschaos.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/the-luxury-at-shanghai-international-airport/
http://vexingpoint.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/daily-prompt-in-transit/
http://fibercompulsion.com/2014/10/06/in-transit/
http://badosto.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/daily-prompt-in-transit/
http://isimonfiction.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/reblog-generosity/
http://mcswhispers.wordpress.com/2014/04/13/how-to-spend-8-hours-in-an-airport/
http://guthonestfaith.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/victoria-station/
http://tombalistreri.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/staying-put/
http://dragoneystory.wordpress.com/2013/11/21/sudden-inspiration-by-music-journey/
http://dragoneystory.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/dp-prompt-as-a-new-story-begins/
http://abozdar.wordpress.com/2014/10/05/highway-to-heaven/
http://abozdar.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/shades-of-last-evening/
http://crashcoursedummy.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/ttt/
http://tuckedintoacorner.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/transitions/

Thanks For Reading
Itsmayurremember

I’m proud


Daily Post
( Truth Serum

You’ve come into possession of one vial of truth serum. Who would you give it to (with the person’s consent, of course) — and what questions would you ask?

Not the best relation to the topic. But if I could frame a question to this post it would probably be like what are you proud of?

I did my best.  Really I did. I don’t know how it didn’t go so well.

In retrospect I can’t even count how many times I said this.  I repeated this again and again to everyone and everyone who listened. 

And I did this every time I failed.  I was distraught,  the weight of disappointment too heavy for my lank shoulders.

Tonight when I was watching a tv show,  a reality show nonetheless,  I heard one contestant say she is proud of what she did. Even if she is eliminated she knows she couldn’t have done better.

And she is proud of that fact.

That one line caught my attention.  If she fails or she isn’t up to the standard,  she is eliminated.  No second  chance.  No retries. Just gone. 

But she said she will be proud of what she did regardless the results.
I never said that. I never said that when I screwed up a big exam three years ago.  I never say it now when I have so many things to be proud of.  I never say I’m proud of that.  Even when I got great scores which I just recently did,  I was ecstatic but never uttered or felt proud.

Is that even possible?

So I asked friends.  Almost all said the same.  They were proud of themselves when they did great.  But when they didn’t accomplish what they sought,  they didn’t feel happiness much less pride.

And they certainly never felt pride when they fell. Unlike the girl on the show.

Maybe the show is fake and not reality, a deceiving telecast just to win audience.  Or maybe the girl lived halfway down in Australia maybe.  Or some other rationale can be valid here.

It is like someone poured an ice bucket on me.  Realization is disheartening and sends a shiver down my spine.

So I ask you,  After you failed in something you put your heart and soul into, after you did your best, 
Did you say to yourself that you are proud of yourself? Not after days of crying and hurting yourself.  Immediately after.  When and if the shock is just given and the first thought in your mind is ‘Hey I did my best,  I’m proud of that’

If you are anything like me you wouldn’t have.  You would have cursed and punished yourself for the failure.  I always said to others it is the efforts that matter,  not the end product.  Now I regard this a bit differently.

Being proud of your investment is what matters.

And this is rather more important to believe in when you fall.

Saying it that matters. Believing it that matters. Because great outcomes are rare.  And when you are down,  clothes bloodied and downcast sight only pride on your efforts may lift you. And make you try again.

If you do not feel the same then I plead you to consider it.  Ponder it for time being.  I propound this to you.

Next time when you fall,  which honestly I don’t want,  I want you to say you are proud of what you tried to do. It couldn’t have been otherwise.

And I vow that what come in near futures, I will always be proud of my efforts. It will not be easy. Appreciating the good amidst the worse situation is never easy. But I’ll try.

I always put in my best.  Be it my family or friends, or academic or my extra activities, I’m proud of I chased and achieved,  and what I fell short of grabbing. Good and the bad.

Thanks For Reading
Itsmayurremember

Let’s see what others have written :
WHERE OH WHERE HAS MY LITTLE PROMPT GONE?
http://emo1956.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/the-truth-will-set-you-free/
http://tombalistreri.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/you-cant-handle-the-truth/
http://petrd1.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/simply-ire-quizzical/
http://crashcoursedummy.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/better-way/
http://iamj0ann.com/2014/09/30/b101-truth-serum/
http://theempathyqueen.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/the-truth-is-not-only-words-but-experience-daily-post/
http://msbstories.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/consent-and-truth-serum-dont-mix/
http://mojowritin.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/tooth-be-told-a-green-lake-tale/
Daily Prompt: Truth Serum – the truth always hurts
http://kenyindian.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/just-friends-or-something-more/
http://suejutakeshi.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/the-truth-has-been-spoken/
http://mybeautifulbreakdown.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/truth-served-cold/
http://debooworks.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/any-takers-2/
http://abozdar.wordpress.com/2014/09/29/dwellings/
http://abozdar.wordpress.com/2014/09/29/governance/
http://stilllifewithgradstudent.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/truth-serum-comes-in-a-little-glass-vial-a-little-glass-vial-a-little-glass-vial/
http://alotfromlydia.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/wheres-all-my-stuff/
http://bhalsop.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/daily-prompt-truth-serum/
http://yzhengblog.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/if-i-have-a-vial-of-truth-serum/
http://raspberrydaydreams.wordpress.com/2014/10/01/truth-serum/
http://tnkerr.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/daily-prompt-truth-serum/
http://whenmybrainfarts.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/veritaserum/
http://lindaswritingblog.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/the-whole-truth/
http://evolvingruminations.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/truth-will-out/
http://l5gn.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/the-truth/
http://berryduchess.wordpress.com/2014/10/01/the-absolut-truth/
http://csaravg.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/truth-serum/
http://flowersandbreezes.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/truth-is-better-than-lies/
http://watermovesme.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/prompt-and-thorough-ish/
http://apparentlyanna.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/i-dont-need-truth-serum/
http://youaintspecial.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/you-cant-handle-it/
http://watermovesme.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/prompt-and-thorough-ish-2/
What do you live for?
http://pippakinclawz.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/daily-post-truth/
http://www.ryanerickson.com/writing/2014/09/30/using-a-truth-serum-on-__________-perhaps-not/
http://allthingscuteandbeautiful.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/daily-prompt-being-truthful/
http://robertmcq.com/2014/09/30/the-truth-potion9302014/
http://amakaanozie.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/independence/
http://thoughtsofajunkiemisfit.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/do-you-swear-to-tell-the-whole-truth/
http://scriptunderconstruction.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/lying-to-myself/
http://sayadpoet.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/truthful-me-daily-prompt/
http://teachezwell.me/2014/09/30/teachers-lounge-chat-3-truth-serum/
http://beginnersblessings.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/truth-serum/
http://teachezwell.me/2014/09/30/daily-post-prompt-blogging-racial-sterotypes/
http://djgarcia94.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/truth-shall-set-you-free/
Truth Serum
http://silverthreading.com/2014/09/30/truth-serum/
http://schattenengel.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/a-truth-serum-for-myself/
http://psibrone.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/truth-tactics/
http://waywordness.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/truth-serum/
http://dallernaturel.com/2014/09/30/truth-in-black-white/
http://thegadabouttown.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/deus-ex/
http://movingtowardsthelight.com/2014/09/30/the-hunters-high/
http://mjamesjackson.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/i-cant-handle-the-truth/
Whoppers
http://www.inspiringmax.com/truth-serum-special-guest/
http://kizzyandizzy.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/blogging-101-is-honesty-the-best-policy/
The Easy-Peasy Road
http://thedailybants.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/could-you-handle-the-truth/
http://daniellewong09.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/truth-or-truth/
http://emotionalfitnesstraining.com/2014/09/30/how-and-when-to-lie-five-tips/
http://joatmon14.com/2014/09/30/all-in-the-name-of-science/
http://stepstimestwo.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/simply-truth/
http://grieflessons.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/the-whole-truth/
http://backinthecityblog.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/truth-serum/
http://idleandboredtwo.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/daily-prompt-truth-serum/
Does the Truth Have to Hurt?
Truth Serum or are you listening?
http://letthestarsout.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/blogging-101-one-vial-of-veritaserum/
Veritaserum
http://writingfromunderabeechtree.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/the-truth-is-there-for-the-asking/
http://aussieemjay.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/fact-or-fiction/
http://fcmiller3.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/truth-serum/
http://eastelmhurstagogo.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/all-i-want-is-the-truth-just-gimme-some-truth/
http://spadethought.wordpress.com/2014/09/18/knowing-the-truth/
http://speculativeparadigmshifts.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/moment-of-truth/
http://closetoeighty.wordpress.com/2014/10/01/how-i-would-use-a-vial-of-truth-serum/
http://danaldaggett.com/2014/09/30/no-bake-dog-treats-truth-serum-optional/
http://macbofisbil.com/2014/10/01/public-enemy-number-1/
http://jaysnaps.wordpress.com/2014/10/01/truthishly/
http://dhglearning.wordpress.com/2014/10/01/truth-serum/
http://rustyiam.wordpress.com/2014/10/01/puphood/
http://helenmeikle.wordpress.com/2014/10/01/daily-prompt-wouldnt-waste-me-time-mate/
http://lemonlimefollies.com/2014/09/30/i-envy-you-not/
http://traversinglines.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/truth-be-told/
http://literaryfaith.wordpress.com/2014/10/01/what-does-sasha-think/
Truth Serum
http://amiewrites74.wordpress.com/2014/10/01/house-of-cards/
http://anita64.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/4186/
http://anita64.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/and-nothing-but/
http://thefailingadult.com/2014/09/30/i-have-the-truth-serum/
http://fromthestickstothebricksandbackagain.wordpress.com/2014/10/01/truth-serum-no-5/
http://namelessspaces.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/look-me-in-the-eyes-and-lie/
http://asqueezeofbliss.wordpress.com/2014/10/01/calling-a-spade-a-spade/
http://betterbloggingat.wordpress.com/2014/10/01/truth-serum/
http://xavanessa.wordpress.com/2014/10/01/perspectives-on-truth/
Truth Serum: Q & A
http://perferviddreams.wordpress.com/2014/10/01/truth-serum/
http://spilledthoughtsandcoffee.wordpress.com/2014/10/01/the-upsetting-truth/
http://etor237.wordpress.com/2014/10/01/serum-of-truths/

Recruitments, so Chill


Sometimes I think that my brain is going to commit suicide. Honestly. It has all premontions of it, the frequent migrains are maybe my brain warning me to cool down. I am not saying I am suicidal, I am great and happy, its my brain that concerns me. If my brain ever starts speaking to me, mostly in a dream I think the monlogue will probably be like this:

Brain:

You can’t even get it that I can’t take it anymore. I have to do so much and youy, you idiot just rush headlong into indiscrimante commitments that even I can’t keep track of them all. Seriously, bro stop! Or else I’ll stop and you will end up all ‘vegetabley’ in a hospital.

Well I think that’s what he’ll (definitely HE) say. Last time I mentiined about my upcoming recruitment process. Now for an engineer this is important. This is how Indians will recognize you mostly (He got into Delloite/L&T/XYZ) , you will get respect(if you get a good salary package, of course) and blahblahblah all the other stupid social norms (Who started things like this?!!!)

Now let’s back it a bit. Engineers are born the day when their father/mother/some random elder look at them and utter in all pride “Mera Beta Engineer banega”,(My son/daughter is going to be an Engineer!) I am sure that most people who stand where I stand now, are mostly cursing that abominable day. ‘3 Idiots’ movie that line so funny that even mentioning that line brings out fits of laughter among engineers!

https://i2.wp.com/filmykeeday.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Mera-beta-Engineer-Banega-3-idiots-dialogues-memes.jpg

(Courtesy:http://filmykeeday.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Mera-beta-Engineer-Banega-3-idiots-dialogues-memes.jpg)

I am a super idiot, considering I came home one day and said “I am going to be an engineer!” So stupid. And yet I think better than my decision to aspire to be a doctor some years ago. Imagining myself cutting up cadavers on a monday because it is that practicals, I laugh at the incredulosity of it. It isn’t for me.

Then we give a thousand exams whose abbrevations sound like a terrorist organizations, join coaching classes, accumulate illimitable study materials that our storage space becomes glutted. And that is before engineering mind you, it only gets worse. Just to get into a great college. When I say a great college, I mean to end up in an city, like Bandra in my case.

You expect people to be different in big hotspot colleges like these. They aren’t. The just are more affluent than your previous classmates. Many fakes, liers and sycophants you will encounter, likes of which you will definitely find a local Pan wala shop(hangout spot). It takes a while to spot the authentic from the horde and guess what, you are mostly wrong. But that’s okay, sometimes you do find great people.

Now skim to last year and the recruitment. I really can’t emphasize how important this day is. You find the library packed with students revising aptitude and various programming languages a month before, or two months. We engineers are awesome, aren’t we?

On day, your nerves kill you. You find yourself thirsty even if you just gulped down a litre of water. Hands are sweaty and feets are tapping restlessly. And guess what? I think I made an blunder in my interviews too! I’m human so its okay.

Well I just gave one interview after which I was ashamed to death by the mistakes I made. And I decided never again. Last five days in a row, I woke up and I prepared myself mentally for the tasks I have to achieve. Whether it be the IELTS exam (which went okay) or the recruitment. I was determined and persistent that no more mistakes! I may have that line my phone wallpaper too.

And I (actually a group of us) were thrown out like a some leftover rotten last night dinner in the next recruitment rounds. We weren’t eligible and that’s a story for another day. With the recruitment officer resonating “I have 200+ students to cater to, I can’t entertain everybody’s individual problems”, we walked out in shame.

I was angry, agahst and a little disappointed. I wanted that comapany’s offer letter.

As i woke up today, with practically no tension and nothig to prepare for, I ended up chuckling at how much this is affecting me. With continously flagging confidence levels, I should be worried.

I am not. There is always some other opprotunity. And when it knocks I am going to go there, grinning the entire time and try my best. If I’m not able to achieve it then something else will come up. And I’ll try again.

Speaking/Placements Day 1


It is kind of Amazing how things pan out sometimes!

As I mentioned before today I had a part of my IELTS exam, only the speaking module. And also today we have our college placements beginning.

Day 1.

Today we had the aptitude test for Accenture at 8.30 am. That’s right, 8.30. I never reach college by 8.30 and I had to come for the aptitude test by that time.

Not only that, my speaking module was scheduled at 9.00 am. The aptitude test timing I didn’t know till a day ago. I had asked in the college about it, but they didn’t disclose it.

And my college and the speaking test module location were far, like separated by an hour or so. So I had to make a decision, either Ielts or aptitude.

Rescheduling my speaking test was not an option. No way! I had prepared for this exam, a month’s worries and tension had cumulated to this. No way!

Don’t get me wrong, I am not greedy. I just wanted to do both, get good grades in my speaking test and achieve passing in my aptitude. But I knew I could do only one.

I reached the speaking module location, which by the way is the ITC Grand Central in Parel. Mind you, the hotel is amazing. Just by looking at it I was agape. Huge and sumptuous.

image

The lobby, i just did not want to leave!!

I was a good hour before my test. I waited in the lobby for the test to begin. Met a couple of people there, all test givers who for various reasons were giving the test. I found out that I’m the first person to give the test. Okay, I can do it I thought. And I gulped down some water for my parched throat.

Finally they called us, took us to the tenth floor, which turned out to be the spa floor(?) And one by one checked our documents and took one photograph. I was escorted to room 1007(I not gonna forget the details of a test like this!) Where I met my test taker Mrs Poonam.

Now I can’t describe my test in words. It was good, satisfactory. She asked a couple of questions I answered them. And in a blink of an eye, my fifteen minutes of speaking test were done. I enjoyed it, and I hope the results don’t disappoint either(coming on 19th September).

Turned out when I reached my college, I could give my aptitude too. There was another batch and I squeezed in. I hardly prepared for this but I did my best.

And voila, I got through the aptitude also!

Tomorrow I have group discussion round of Accenture placement. Followed by the remaining modules of Ielts exam on Saturday. And from Monday again I’ll have other companies coming to college for recruitment. Talk about a busy schedule! But this is better. I find myself growing more and more restive each day, that such coming days may prove fruitful for me. I don’t know what tomorrow holds for me.

Just because today was a good day, doesn’t mean tomorrow I’ll be lucky again. Luck is capricious bitch which hardly favors me. But I will still do my best. Funny thing is this, my classmates had more confidence in me than I did. Now to amidst all the bantering I received they held the opinion I’ll get recruited tomorrow.

I know it is not going to be easy. With such a huge pool of candidates applying tomorrow, I find my chances miniscule. But even if I don’t get in, I do hope I could remember the fact that I DID give it my best shot. That it is okay to not get in.

Let’s see how tomorrow goes!

Thanks For Reading
Itsmayurremember

Numbness


( Pains and Gains

Do you agree with Jane Fonda’s favorite exercise motto, “no pain, no gain?” Is it impossible to attain greatness without considerable hardship?)

I haven’t written in a ten days. Neither fiction nor reality.

I hardly checked other people’s blogs either. I have no clue about what’s happening in their lives either.

I could lie about having a hectic schedule, or about being tired all the time (I am!) But that isn’t the reason.

It’s because I feel numb. Completely and utterly numb. Lifeless and senseless.

image

I should be tensed, I have my Ielts this Saturday. But I don’t feel tensed.

My college’s placements (Job Interviews) start this week. I should feel anticipation. I don’t.

I should feel anger at my friends for not inviting me for festivals. I don’t. I don’t feel morose either.

I should feel something. I don’t. I’m filled with apathy and it sickens me. I am human. How could I feel nothing!!!

I read news. Ukraine. Gaza. Israel. Russia. Islamic state. Ebola. Rape. Murder. Scams. Scandals. Etc. Etc.

That’s what they are to me now. Not some other human agony. Just some blah, some etc. And it is sickening for me.

I don’t even feel anything when things turn sour at home. I should feel anger, concern. Nothing!

image

It is like I have exhausted myself. The sudden bereavement of my emotions is like I have lost some intrinsic quality. I feel as if I have been supplanted by a clone.

And without these little tiny prompts that are born within, I couldn’t write. My posts are all driven by them. I stalled thinking I’ll find something to write about. I didn’t.

And that was the last straw. I decided I’ll come back to writing. With the number of people in life with whom I could talk to less than my fingers I needed an outlet. I don’t want to end up as a caustic fellow, full of hostility and lack of concern. Or I don’t want to end up a taciturn either. It took a whole lot of courage and will to reach this place, I’m not going back.

I read other people’s blogs. And that isn’t easy when you have about a hundred or so posts backlog. I did my best to read as many as I could. I either starred them or commented on them. I read and read. With each post my comments became more and more thoughtful. With each comment I retrieved the urge to write again.

I don’t know how much power this post is going to have. I have no idea about how you, as a reader will see me after this post. I just want to get back into writing.

I recently tried getting into the Internship Story Contest by Internshala.com.  Don’t know how that will turn out.

I want to write more. I want to participate in more contests, grab as many chances I can to be able to be empathic again.

I’ll take pain. But I want this gain back.

Let’s see what others have written:
http://yougottawrite.wordpress.com/2014/08/31/its-all-in-our-heads/
http://randomactsofsnark.wordpress.com/2014/08/31/pains-and-gains/
http://vmtranblog.wordpress.com/2014/08/31/daily-prompt-pains-and-gains/
http://jesstyt.wordpress.com/2014/08/31/no-pain-no-gain/
http://awlscribe.wordpress.com/2014/08/31/pains-and-gains/
http://myauthoritis.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/pain-free/
http://sayadpoet.wordpress.com/2014/08/31/pains-and-gains-daily-prompt/
http://flashinthepanwritings.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/no-pain-no-gain/
Slump Busting: At the Halfway Point
http://helenmeikle.wordpress.com/2014/08/31/daily-prompt-depends-how-you-look-at-it/
http://katherinewebber.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/pains-and-gains/
Belong To Your Dreams
http://flowersandbreezes.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/the-voyagers/
http://eastelmhurstagogo.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/have-to-and-get-to/
http://shyspark.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/hardship-versus-hard-work/
http://alotfromlydia.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/on-childbirth/
http://endeavoury.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/pains-and-gains/
http://lewellynhughes.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/pains-and-gains/
http://kansamuse.me/2014/08/30/no-pain-no-gain-that-is-the-question/
http://adjustingyourfocus.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/making-room-for-courage/
http://rodgersthat.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/daily-prompt-no-pain-no-gain/
http://insach21site.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/flying-without-falling/
http://willowscottling.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/actually-no/
http://tidlidim.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/daily-prompt-pains-and-gains/
http://emo1956.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/define-greatness/
i don’t need your rocking chair: daily post
http://mcswhispers.wordpress.com/2013/04/02/on-the-tip-of-a-pointe/
http://myviewonlifeafter65.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/painless-greatness-wp-daily-prompt/
http://designersophisticate.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/that-which-doesnt-kill-you-makes-you-stronger/
PAIN AND GAIN? NO SUBSTITUTE FOR USING YOUR BRAIN
http://dossiersofsbk.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/pains-gains-greatness/
http://tornin2.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/there-has-to-be-pain-to-achieve-greatness/
No gains without pains
http://thedailyblabber.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/reach-our-dreams/
http://januarysdream.com/2014/08/30/wrestling-jacob/
http://agileopedia.com/2014/08/30/no-gains-without-pains/
dialogue
http://joantatley.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/no-pain-more-gain/
http://angelamccauley.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/i-agree-with-the-statement-no-pain-no-gain/
http://cockatooscreeching.wordpress.com/2014/08/31/does-pain-really-equal-gain/
http://geekergosum.com/2014/08/30/pains-and-gains/
http://terry1954.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/pains-and-gains-the-daily-post/
http://pippakinclawz.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/walk-it/
http://tnkerr.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/daily-prompt-pains-and-gains/
http://csaravg.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/no-pain-no-gain/
http://preciousjalisa.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/thorn-removed-a-journal-entry/
http://lindaswritingblog.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/double-double-toil-and-trouble/
http://joatmon14.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/no-pain-no-change/
Daily Prompt: Pains and Gains – I have plenty of pains, where are the gains?
http://corinthialynne.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/daily-prompts-pains-and-gains/
http://marthakennedy.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/you-can-see-the-summit-but/
http://runtrading.com/2014/08/30/pains-and-gains-in-trading/
http://amaltaas.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/daily-prompt-pains-and-gains/
gr8 formuLa
http://thewriteweb.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/my-pain-is-my-gain-therefore-i-live/
http://fibercompulsion.com/2014/08/30/pains-and-gains-no-not-jane-fonda/
http://jaynesdailypost.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/pains-and-gains/
http://flippyzipflop.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/pain-is-my-teacher/
http://cxianliu.wordpress.com/2014/04/14/realization/
http://milambc.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/bleed-to-succeed/
Pains and Gains: Fly light
http://seikaiha.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/daily-prompt-only-pain/
http://valprehension.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/brief-thought-applying-no-pain-no-gain-to-blogging/
http://hobilari.com/2014/08/30/how-to-grow-my-audience-its-a-pains-and-gains/
A Satisficer I am not: No pain, No Gain indeed
http://laughagain.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/experience-makes-you-stronger/
http://helenccsmith.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/daily-post-pains-and-gains/
http://awakeanddreaming.org/no-pain-no-gain/
http://quotosphere.wordpress.com/2014/08/26/37/
Pain is not always physical
http://agirllikemee.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/really/
http://badosto.wordpress.com/2009/04/05/pain-and-balance/
http://sugarcoatingsince91.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/no-pain-no-gain/
http://kevinsunny.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/try-try-again/
http://davidfetzer6271951.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/pains-and-gains/
http://dancingtotherain.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/no-pain-no-gain/
http://vexingpoint.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/daily-prompt-pains-and-gains/
http://itsmatthewburgos.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/sliced-skin-daily-prompt/
http://tuckedintoacorner.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/pain-and-gain/
http://tombalistreri.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/with-gain-comes-pain/
http://abozdar.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/where-to/
http://abozdar.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/looking-for-you/
http://grieflessons.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/skyping-long-after-midnight-and-4-margaritas/
http://rickenba.ch/blog/en/2013/12/23/7-seals-a-personal-matter/
http://caliten.wordpress.com/2014/08/31/pain-and-gain/
http://glowingcoatofawareness.wordpress.com/2014/08/31/challenges-yield-personal-power/
http://sweetykannoth.wordpress.com/2014/08/31/no-pain-no-gain/

Thanks For Reading
Itsmayurremember